


That 70s Show: Season 8

by springsteenicious



Category: That '70s Show
Genre: F/M, Season 8 Rewrite
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:41:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 40,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25205650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/springsteenicious/pseuds/springsteenicious
Summary: A completely new season eight. All twenty-five episodes.A/N: This is completely from scratch. I do not own any of these characters or any rights to this show. I wrote this because Hyde and Jackie needed to get married.Enjoy the show!
Relationships: Eric Forman/Donna Pinciotti, Jackie Burkhart/Steven Hyde, Kitty Forman/Red Forman
Comments: 93
Kudos: 89





	1. Episode One - We Can Work It Out

**Author's Note:**

> I did not include laugh tracks, so add in your own. I am usually a writer of prose, so my apologies if parts of this don't seem like tv show things. Also, I regulated the length of each chapter/episode by word and page count, not time. 
> 
> feedback is always appreciated!

Jackie and Hyde stand in Jackie’s motel room. Kelso has just run out, naked. 

**Hyde:** Jackie, what the hell was that?

 **Jackie:** Michael came to visit me and on the way here he found some dogs so I made him take a shower. I didn't want my room to smell like dog! 

**Hyde:** What was he talking about? How ‘no one can see you doing it?’ 

**Jackie:** He was trying to get back together with me after what happened with us. I shot him down, nothing happened. 

**Hyde:** I'm still gonna beat him up when I see him again. 

Neither says anything as they stare at each other. 

**Jackie:** You wanna go get something to eat?

 **Hyde:** Sure. 

~

Eric parks the car outside the airport. He turns to look at Donna. 

**Eric:** I guess this is goodbye. 

**Donna:** Yeah. 

Both are silent for a minute. 

**Donna:** You’re gonna miss your flight if you don't leave now. 

**Eric:** I can't do this. 

**Donna:** Of course you can, you got this!

 **Eric:** No, Donna, I don't want to do this. I don't want to leave you for a year. I’ll figure out something else for my scholarship. 

**Donna:** Eric, are you for real?

 **Eric:** Oh, I'm for real, baby.

Donna smiles. 

**Donna:** I love you. 

**Eric:** I love you too. 

They kiss. Several cars honk at them.

 **Donna:** We probably shouldn’t be doing this in the drop-off lane, huh?

 **Eric:** No, probably not. 

Eric unparks the car and they drive away. 

~ Intro ~

In the Formans’ basement, Charlie sits on the couch with Fez sobbing in his arms. He pats Fez on the back as Fez blubbers in barely comprehensible phrases. 

**Fez:** I don't want him to leave!

 **Charlie:** I know. 

**Fez:** And I want candy!

Charlie reaches over and grabs a bag of M&Ms from the table. He hands them to Fez, who stops crying as he eats them. 

**Fez:** I feel a little better now, thank you. 

The door opens and Donna and Eric walk in. Fez jumps up and immediately wraps Eric in a tight hug. 

**Fez:** Eric, thank god you are back!

 **Eric:** And I'm here to stay, buddy. 

**Fez:** Good. Because Charlie is not as good at tickling as you are. 

~

Jackie and Hyde sit in a mostly empty pizza place with a half finished pizza between them. 

**Jackie:** So why did you really come to visit? 

Hyde is quiet, debating what to say. 

**Hyde:** I wanted to talk. 

**Jackie:** About what?

 **Hyde:** About us. You left kind of abruptly and… there were a few things I wanted to say. Without people around, y’know? 

Jackie nods. 

**Hyde:** Jackie, I was gonna say yes.

Jackie gasps. 

**Jackie:** Why didn't you say anything? 

**Hyde:** You didn't give me a chance. You wanted me to decide my entire future right then and there. I needed a day or two to think. And…

Hyde looks down at the table and fiddles with his straw wrapper. 

**Jackie:** And?

 **Hyde:** I want you to be sure that you want to marry me. I don't want you to regret it. 

**Jackie:** Oh, Steven… I love you. I know for sure that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. 

**Hyde:** I just don't want to end up like Donna and Forman. 

**Jackie:** We won't. Because I am much better looking than Donna and you are much cooler than Eric. 

Hyde smirks. 

**Hyde:** You’re really sure you want to marry me?

 **Jackie:** I've never been more sure about anything in my life. 

**Hyde:** Alright. Give me some time to get a ring. I'm gonna give you a real proposal, not an ultimatum. 

Jackie smiles and leans over to kiss him. 

~

Eric walks into the kitchen, where Red sits at the table and Kitty is busy near the oven.

 **Eric:** Hey guys!

Red whips around in his chair. 

**Red:** What the hell are you doing here? 

**Kitty:** Oh, my baby boy is back!

Kitty runs over and pulls him into a suffocating hug. Red stands up and glares at Eric.

 **Eric:** I decided I don't want to move to Africa for a year. I can find another way to pay for college. I couldn't leave Donna for a whole year.

 **Kitty:** You couldn't leave _Donna_? What about your own _mother_?

 **Eric:** I couldn't leave you either, Mommy.

 **Red:** You better move out soon or your ass is gonna become very familiar with my foot! 

**Eric:** Yep. Donna and I are planning to look for a place tomorrow. 

**Kitty:** Oh I'm just so glad to have you back!

She pulls Eric into another bone-crushing hug. 

~

The next day, the gang is in the basement. Eric and Donna are looking at housing options in the newspaper. Suddenly, Kelso runs in wearing a dress that is much too small for him. 

**Kelso:** Eric? Why are you still here? 

**Eric:** Kelso, why are you wearing a dress? 

**Kelso:** Hyde kicked me out without any clothes.

 **Donna:** Speaking of Hyde, where is he?

 **Kelso:** He’s with Jackie in Chicago. I was there too, but I had to drive home wearing a dress, then I got pulled over and I was in a holding cell for a bit. They let me go ‘cause I'm a cop, though. 

**Fez:** You are a very pretty lady-cop. 

**Kelso:** Aw, thanks, man. 

**Eric:** Hyde's with Jackie? Are they making up?

 **Kelso:** I dunno, man. Hyde’s probably pissed at her because I said no one can see us doing it in the motel room.

 **Donna:** Did you and Jackie do it?

 **Kelso:** No. She said she was still getting over Hyde and she would never do it with me in a million years after all the times I cheated on her. 

Donna picks up the phone on the side table. She dials a number.

 **Donna:** I'm calling Jackie to make sure she’s okay. 

Cut to Jackie and Hyde kissing on the bed in the motel room. The phone rings. Jackie pulls away from Hyde and picks up the phone. 

**Jackie:** Hello?

Split screen. Jackie is on one side and Donna is on the other. 

**Donna:** Hey, Jackie, it’s Donna. Kelso just came in wearing a dress and we wanted to know what happened.

Hyde laughs from where he’s sitting next to Jackie. 

**Jackie:** I don't really know what happened to Michael. He was naked when Steven kicked him out. 

**Donna:** Is Hyde there? 

**Jackie:** Yeah. 

**Donna:** Did you two make up?

 **Jackie:** Yeah, we did. We’re coming back later today. Oh! You might wanna hide Michael because Steven’s going to beat him up. 

**Donna:** I'll make sure Kelso is front and center when you get back, then. What time do you think you’ll get back?

 **Jackie:** Around two? 

**Donna:** See you then, I guess. 

Jackie hangs up and turns back to Hyde. 

**Hyde:** You really don't mind leaving this job in Chicago for me?

 **Jackie:** I still have my show in Point Place. Besides, you’re all I need, Puddin’ Pop.

Hyde smiles and kisses her.

~

Red and Kitty sit in the living room watching television. 

**Red:** I can't believe Eric didn't go to Africa! He never follows through with anything!

 **Kitty:** Oh, stop it. I'm glad he’s not leaving for a whole year! He would have died in Africa. 

**Red:** Africa would have made him a man! 

**Kitty:** He can become a man just fine here in Wisconsin. 

**Red:** He needs to grow up soon or he’ll be living with us his whole life!

 **Kitty:** I'm sure he’ll figure something out. You did spend all his college money, I'm sure he wants to get far away from you.

Kelso walks in, still wearing the dress. 

**Red:** Isn't it a little early for you boys to be dressing each other up?

 **Kelso:** Oh, this isn't like that. Hyde kicked me out without any clothes in Chicago and this was all I could find to drive home. 

**Kitty:** Steven is in Chicago? 

**Kelso:** Yeah, he’s visiting Jackie. They’re gonna be back this afternoon, though. 

**Red:** You better put on some pants before they get back, son. 

**Kelso:** I know, I was just on my way home to get some clothes. 

Kelso leaves the room. 

**Kitty:** Oh, I hope Steven and Jackie made up! He always seemed so happy with her!

 **Red:** I don't care what they did as long as it gets Steven out of the house. 

**Kitty:** You’re just sour about Eric staying home. You better improve your attitude before Steven comes back. 

**Red:** You know what would improve my mood? Eric leaving. 

**Kitty:** I'm gonna go make some cookies for Jackie and Steven! You won't get any cookies if you’re not cheerful when they get back! 

Kitty gets up and walks into the kitchen. 

~

Eric, Donna and Fez are playing a game of Horse in the driveway. Fez takes a shot and misses. 

**Eric:** That’s an S for you, my friend. Now toss that ball over to Eric Forman, who’s only got an H!

 **Fez:** I wish you went to Africa. 

Kelso jogs over, now wearing normal clothes. 

**Kelso:** What time is it? I set my watch on fire while I was at home. 

**Donna:** It's almost two. I feel like Jackie said I should do something before two… something that had to do with Kelso… I just can’t remember. 

**Kelso:** Did she tell you to make out with me? ‘Cause I won't say no to that. 

Donna punches him on the arm. 

**Eric:** Donna, take it easy on him. He has no idea what’s coming. 

Kitty and Red come out of the house. Kitty sets a plate of cookies on the table. 

**Red:** Glad to see you’ve put on some pants, Kelso. 

**Kelso:** I know, right? 

Everyone turns and moves out of the way as the El Camino pulls into the driveway. Hyde and Jackie get out of the car. 

**Hyde:** Forman? Why the hell aren't you in Africa? 

**Eric:** I couldn't stay away from Donna for a whole year. 

Jackie makes a beeline for Donna. 

**Jackie:** Donna, we have so much to talk about!

 **Hyde:** You keep your mouth shut, little lady. 

Jackie kisses him on the cheek. She and Donna walk off in the direction of Donna’s house. 

**Eric:** You have to tell us everything. 

**Hyde:** I can tell you some things. But first…

Hyde turns to Kelso. Kelso stares back at him defiantly. Hyde lunges and pulls Kelso into a headlock. 

**Hyde:** Stay the hell away from my girlfriend, ya dillhole!

 **Kelso:** Ow, my eye!

Kitty rushes over with an ice pack. 

**Kitty:** I thought this might happen. 

Kelso presses the ice to his face once Hyde lets go of him. 

**Hyde:** I need to go to the record store to make sure Leo’s okay. You can come along if you want and I’ll tell you what happened. And we can get into my emergency stash. 

**Eric:** Oh, yes!

Eric pumps his fist and they all get into the El Camino. 

~

Jackie sits on Donna’s bed, buzzing with excitement. 

**Donna:** So he’s gonna propose for real once he gets a ring? I knew he would say yes eventually!

 **Jackie:** Oh, just imagine his proposal!

(Fantasy sequence) Jackie is wearing a pink princess dress. She is standing on the grass with birds flying around her. Hyde comes in dressed as a prince. He walks up to Jackie. 

**Hyde:** Oh Jackie, you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen! I have loved you for all my life. 

He gets down on one knee and holds out a ring. 

**Hyde:** Please marry me!

 **Jackie:** Of course I will! 

Hyde stands up and they kiss. 

(End of fantasy sequence) Back to Jackie sitting with Donna, who looks confused.

 **Donna:** Are you sure you’re ready? 

**Jackie:** Of course I'm sure. I know Steven is the one for me. And I am not going to chicken out on our wedding day. 

**Donna:** Hey, Eric and I weren't ready. We were too young. We had no plan for the future. What’s your plan?

 **Jackie:** Well, I’ll keep working on my show. Steven has his record store. We’re going to buy a house soon. We have everything planned. 

**Donna:** Alright then. I'm happy for you. 

**Jackie:** Thank you, Donna. One day you’ll find a man to spend the rest of your life with too. 

Donna gives her a look. 

~

A circle in the record store. Focused on Kelso. 

**Kelso:** Man, I can't believe you’re gonna propose to Jackie. When she asked me to marry her, I ran away to California. 

Swivel to Eric and Fez, who are sitting next to each other. 

**Eric:** Well, you’re an idiot. 

**Fez:** Yes. You are too immature to be married. 

Swivel to Hyde. 

**Hyde:** Kelso, man, I'm glad you ditched her. ‘Cause I stole her from you. 

Swivel to Leo.

 **Leo:** Dudes, you know what I found out? Loud girl’s in Chicago! 

Swivel back around as everyone gives Leo weird looks. 

**Leo:** Why are you all looking at me like that? Do I have something in my hair?

Swivel to Kelso. 

**Kelso:** Oh, dude, once you and Jackie are married, I can say I did it with your wife!

Hyde reaches over and punches him on the arm. Swivel back to Leo. 

**Leo:** You got married, man? What about loud girl? She’s in Chicago!

~

Kitty, Red and Bob sit in the kitchen playing cards. 

**Bob:** I can't believe Eric’s not going to Africa. I hired that band for nothing.

 **Red:** And it’s all Donna’s fault. She could tell him to throw away his whole future and he would do it!

 **Kitty:** Oh, stop it. Eric has _some_ self-control. 

**Bob:** Kitty, Eric has about as much self-control around Donna as I do around a bag of potato chips. 

**Red:** If Eric’s not out of this house in two weeks, I'm kicking him out. 

**Kitty:** You are not! He is my baby boy!

Kitty stands up and storms out of the room. Red sighs and follows her. Bob looks around and grabs a bag of potato chips off the counter. 

~

Everyone is in the basement. Kelso and Fez are playing some kind of card game, Eric and Donna are looking at housing options, Jackie is sitting on Hyde’s lap. 

**Eric:** This place has one bedroom and two baths. That’s perfect. 

**Jackie:** Why do you need two bathrooms? 

**Donna:** Eric needs privacy. 

**Hyde:** Forman needs his own space. He can't even use public restrooms. 

**Jackie:** Ew! Donna, why are you still dating him?

 **Eric:** Yeah, Donna, you know you can do better than me, right? 

**Donna:** Shut up. I love you. 

**Eric:** Aww. 

Eric and Donna kiss. Kelso boos. 

**Fez:** Aye, you need to stop doing this! It gives me needs. 

**Kelso:** Fez, why don't we go looking for chicks at the mall tomorrow? 

**Fez:** That sounds nice. 

**Jackie:** Speaking of the mall… Steven, when are you getting my ring? 

**Hyde:** Who knows? It’ll be a surprise to everyone.

 **Jackie:** What does that mean? I need to know, Steven!

 **Hyde:** It wouldn’t be a romantic surprise if you knew. 

**Donna:** Awww. 

**Eric:** Our little Hyde is learning how to be romantic. 

**Hyde:** Get bent. 

**Jackie:** I'm so happy you’re finally being romantic! I have to finish unpacking my stuff from Chicago, so I’ll see you tomorrow. 

She gets up and leaves the basement. Fez and Kelso start singing. 

**Kelso and Fez:** Hyde and Jackie sitting in a tree-

 **Kelso:** K-I-S-S-I-N-G! **Fez:** They’re in love like two monkeys! 

Kelso stops and turns to Fez. 

**Kelso:** That’s not how it goes. 

**Fez:** I don't care. It made Hyde mad. 

Hyde glares at them. 

**Kelso:** Yeah, you’re right. 

**Hyde:** I'm done with this. 

Hyde stands up and walks to his room. 

~

The next morning. Eric walks into the kitchen. Red sits at the table with a cup of coffee. 

**Red:** Get out. 

**Eric:** I'm just-

 **Red:** Get out.

 **Eric:** But-

 **Red:** Out. 

**Eric:** Can I- cereal-

 **Red:** Out. 

Eric gives up and walks out of the kitchen. Red sighs and takes a sip of his coffee.


	2. Episode Two - A Hard Day's Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyde starts working hard. Eric and Donna look for a place to live. Fez drops a big secret on Jackie’s show.

Eric and Donna walk into an empty apartment. A real estate agent stands off to the side helping another couple. 

**Eric:** Well, it smells like fried chicken, so we’re off to a good start, wouldn't you say?

**Donna:** A great start. 

They walk into the kitchen. 

**Eric:** This is nice. 

**Donna:** Yeah, it would be great for eating take out in. 

They move to the bedroom. 

**Eric:** Very nice. Spacious. I can totally see us having some, uh, _fun times_ in here. 

He walks over to one corner, where blotchy red spots stain the carpet. His voice rises an octave when he speaks. 

**Eric:** Oh my god, is that blood?

The real estate agent walks in. 

**Real Estate Agent:** Ah, I see you’ve found the bedroom. What are your thoughts? 

**Donna:** Was someone murdered here?

**Real Estate Agent:** I do have to disclose this information to all potential buyers, so yes. We are getting the carpet cleaned professionally soon. 

Eric rushes to Donna’s side and grabs her arm. 

**Eric:** Donna I can't live here. [He drops his voice to a whisper] It might be haunted. 

**Donna:** It's not haunted. 

**Real Estate Agent:** Actually it might be.

**Donna:** Are you trying to drive us away? Don't you want us to buy the apartment?

**Real Estate Agent:** Well, I can't lie to you. 

**Eric:** Donna, I'm scared, I want to leave. 

**Donna:** Fine. We probably just missed out on one hell of a deal, though. 

They leave the apartment. Outside, Eric stops walking. 

**Eric:** Donna, that was the eighth apartment we’ve looked at. Where are we gonna live if we can't find a place? 

**Donna:** There’s always the mobile home. 

**Eric:** Of course! How could I forget about that amazing suitcase-sized home?

~ Intro ~

In the record store, Hyde rushes around. Donna sits on the couch in the pit. 

**Donna:** Is there a special sale or something today? You’re never this busy. 

**Hyde:** For the first time in my life, I'm actually working hard. I'm trying to sell more stuff so I can pay for a nice ring. 

**Donna:** Aww, Hyde is working hard for his future wife! 

**Hyde:** Shut up. 

**Donna:** Seriously, though, I’ve never seen you care so much about anything. Why is this ring so important?

**Hyde:** What I'm about to tell you never leaves this store, okay?

Donna nods. 

**Hyde:** I want to get Jackie a nice ring and give her a romantic proposal because I feel bad. I made her wait a long time for an answer, then I blew her off when I got a second chance. I need to do something nice for her to show her I love her.

**Donna:** Oh my god! That's the first time you’ve admitted that you love her!

**Hyde:** Yeah, well, I'm freakin’ marrying the girl. Wouldn't be doing that if I didn't love her. 

Hyde walks away to help a customer that just walked in. Donna smiles. 

~

Kelso and Fez sit on a bench outside the cheese shop at the mall. Kelso is eating ice cream. 

**Kelso:** What about her? She looks like a virgin. 

**Fez:** I don't know. 

**Kelso:** Man, what is up with you today? You usually jump at girls like her! Literally! Last time we went to the mall we had to be escorted out by security. 

**Fez:** I know. I just haven't been feeling up to it lately. 

**Kelso:** You must be losing your mojo. 

**Fez:** Oh, no. For that to happen, I would have to have mojo to begin with. 

**Kelso:** You’ve got plenty of mojo! You’re a sexy guy, Fez. 

**Fez:** You really think so?

**Kelso:** Yeah man. You’re beautiful. 

Fez grins and stands up. 

**Fez:** I'm going to ask that girl out! 

**Kelso:** That's the spirit!

Fez nods and walks away. Kelso continues to eat his ice cream. 

**Brooke:** Michael?

**Kelso:** Hey Brooke! Hi Betsy!

Brooke walks over with Betsy in a stroller. She sits next to Kelso and puts the stroller between them. 

**Kelso:** How are you guys doing?

**Brooke:** Good. It's a little hard working and taking care of Betsy, but my mom has been a big help. 

**Kelso:** I wish I could be there for you guys more. 

**Brooke:** You watching her on weekends has been great. 

**Kelso:** Yeah, it has. I love spending time with my girl. 

**Brooke:** I'm glad I ran into you. We don't get to hang out enough. 

**Kelso:** I'm glad you ran into me too. Now I have an excuse not to be around Fez when he gets rejected by this girl. 

Fez walks over looking defeated. 

**Fez:** She has a boyfriend. Will you buy some candy to make me feel better? 

**Kelso:** No can do, man, I'm hanging out with my daughter. 

He stands up, taking Brooke’s hand and the stroller. The three of them walk away, leaving Fez alone. 

~

Eric walks into the record store and sits down next to Donna. 

**Eric:** Hey, lady. Where’s Hyde? 

**Donna:** He’s actually working! He said he’s trying to save up for Jackie’s ring. 

**Eric:** That is beautiful. Our little Hyde is growing up so fast. 

Hyde walks over. 

**Hyde:** You better not be telling Forman what I told you. 

**Donna:** You said that information couldn't leave the store. We are still in the store. 

**Hyde:** Dammit. I can't trust anyone in our group to keep a secret. You’re all addicted to gossip. 

**Jackie:** Who’s addicted to gossip?

Jackie walks over and stands next to Hyde. 

**Hyde:** These two. I tell Donna one secret and she’s already blabbing to Forman. 

**Jackie:** Ooh, what’s the secret? 

Hyde glares at them. 

**Eric:** Hyde secretly listens to Frank Sinatra when he’s alone. 

**Jackie:** Oh, I already knew that. Let me know when you find out something interesting. 

**Hyde:** You’re all the worst. 

**Donna:** But you love us anyway!

**Hyde:** I do not. 

Jackie raises her eyebrow at him. 

**Hyde:** I wasn't talking about you. 

He kisses her on the forehead then walks away to help a customer. Jackie sits down next to Donna. 

**Jackie:** What’s gotten into him? He never works this hard. 

**Donna:** Who knows? Maybe he’s working off the stress of being committed to you. 

**Eric:** Yeah, if I knew I was gonna end up married to Jackie Burkhart, I’d throw myself into my work too. 

**Jackie:** Please. You’d be lucky to have me. 

**Donna:** As fun as this is, I have to get down to the radio station. See you later, Eric. 

Donna kisses him on the cheek and leaves the store. 

~

Red and Kitty sit in the living room. Kitty is knitting and watching something on the television. Red is looking through college brochures. 

**Red:** This place has a community service scholarship! Eric has to do ten hours of community service a week and they’ll cover half his tuition!

**Kitty:** But he can't lift heavy things! And how will he have time for his schoolwork?

**Red:** He’ll figure it out. 

**Kitty:** Maybe find some other options to go with that. 

Red sighs and grabs another brochure. 

**Kitty:** Why are you so determined to get Eric out of the house?

**Red:** He can't live with us forever, Kitty. And I’m sick of having his friends over here all the time. 

**Kitty:** Then why aren't you telling Steven you’re going to kick him out?

**Red:** Because Steven has a plan. All Eric has is a girlfriend and skinny arms. 

Kitty shakes her head. 

**Kitty:** You were never like this with Laurie. 

**Red:** And look how she turned out! She married a foreigner so he could stay in the country! 

**Kitty:** Fez is a nice boy. He always appreciated my cooking. He doesn't lie to my face about liking my pot roast. 

**Red:** For the last time, Kitty, I loved your pot roast!

**Kitty:** Loved? So you don't love it anymore, huh?

**Red:** Kitty, that's not what I meant!

**Kitty:** Isn't it? 

Kitty storms out of the room, leaving Red exasperated. 

~

Eric, Donna, Kelso and Hyde sit in the basement. Hyde is rifling through the Candyland box.

**Hyde:** Forman, what happened to your Candyland stash?

**Eric:** You all found out about it, so I moved it!

**Donna:** It's in Chutes and Ladders now. 

Hyde puts away the Candyland box and grabs Chutes and Ladders. 

**Eric:** Donna!

**Kelso:** Why do you need money, Hyde?

**Hyde:** To pay for Jackie’s ring. 

He stands up with a small stack of money. 

**Hyde:** And you better not tell her or I’ll kick your ass. 

**Kelso:** I won't! I would let you have the ring I bought for her, but she already knows what it looks like. 

**Hyde:** You bought a ring for her?

**Kelso:** Yeah, the first time we dated she brought me to a jewelry store and showed me all the rings she liked and made me buy one for her. 

**Hyde:** Do you remember which rings she liked? 

**Kelso:** I think so. 

**Hyde:** You’re coming ring shopping with me. 

**Kelso:** Do I have to?

**Hyde:** Eric’s going too. 

**Eric:** I am?

**Donna:** Good. Can you get me some earrings? I lost my silver hoops at the radio station. 

**Eric:** Fine. 

**Kelso:** UGH, fine, I’ll go with you. When are we going?

**Hyde:** Friday. After I get my paycheck. 

**Eric:** You better pay me back for the Chutes and Ladders money. 

**Hyde:** Of course I will. I'm only a criminal when it comes to corporate owned businesses. Which is why I steal from my own store. 

**Kelso:** You steal from your dad?

**Hyde:** He hasn't noticed. If he has, he hasn't said anything. 

**Eric:** I wish I had a rich dad. 

**Hyde:** Try saying that to Red.

**Eric:** Red’s been mad at me ever since I didn't leave for Africa. It’s the longest he’s been mad at me since the Ants-in-Kelso’s-Pants Incident of eighth grade. 

**Kelso:** Aw, I remember that! I had ants crawling around my parts for days! 

**Hyde:** Ew. Anyway, I'm gonna go finish off my stash at the record store to relieve all the stress of working. 

**Kelso:** I’ll come with you!

Kelso and Hyde leave the basement. 

**Eric:** Well, Now that we’re alone…

Eric slides his arm around Donna’s shoulders. She smiles and pulls him in for a kiss. 

~

Jackie and Fez sit backstage on the set of Jackie’s show. Jackie is fixing her makeup. 

**Fez:** It’s a good thing they let you come back after what happened in Chicago. 

**Jackie:** Of course they let me come back! They love me. 

**Fez:** Thank you for letting me guest star today. I have never been on television before. 

**Jackie:** Just try to speak clearly. We get more viewers when they can understand us. 

Fez nods. 

**Jackie:** About half an hour in we have to talk about Steven’s record store. I told him I’d drum up some publicity for him. 

**Fez:** Oh, that is good. Because Donna said- oh no. I should not have said that. 

Jackie stands up, cornering Fez. 

**Jackie:** What did Donna say?

**Fez:** She said I couldn't tell you!

**Jackie:** Tell me now or you won't be on the show!

**Fez:** Fine! She said Hyde has been working extra hard lately because he wants to get you a really nice ring!

Jackie gasps and smiles. 

**Jackie:** Really? 

**Fez:** You cannot tell him that you know. He will kill me. 

**Jackie:** I won't tell him. 

**Fez:** Good. I do not want to die. I am too young and sexy. 

Donna walks over. 

**Donna:** You’re on the air in five minutes. 

**Fez:** She made me spill the secret, don't hurt me!

Fez hides behind Jackie. 

**Donna:** What?

**Jackie:** He told me Steven has been working extra hard to pay for my ring. 

**Donna:** Dammit, Fez, I told you not to tell her!

**Fez:** She forced me!

Donna shakes her head. 

**Donna:** You both better be ready because you’re on air soon. 

~

Hyde and Angie sit in the empty record store. A television is turned to Jackie’s show on the counter. 

**Angie:** How’s the store been since I left?

**Hyde:** Fantastic. Finished off my stash with Kelso earlier today. 

**Angie:** Uh-huh. Milwaukee is way better than this place. 

**Hyde:** Speaking of which, what made you decide to come down here today?

**Angie:** I just felt like visiting my brother. It’s also important to check in on the stores every once in a while. 

**Hyde:** Right. You just wanted to make sure I hadn't run the place into the ground. 

**Angie:** Okay, kind of. 

**Hyde:** Well, I haven't run it into the ground yet. 

**Angie:** You’re telling me. You’ve made more sales in the last week than you have in the past two months. 

Hyde shrugs. He looks over at the television. 

**Hyde:** Jackie said she would promote the store today. Should be right about now. 

**Jackie (on TV):** Quick announcement about the world of business! A nearby record store called Grooves has all of your music needs! 

**Fez (also on TV):** And make sure to keep business booming because the manager needs to buy Jackie an engagement ring!

Jackie hits Fez on the arm and gives him a look. He realizes what he said and looks at the camera, horrified. In the store, Angie stares at Hyde. 

**Hyde:** I'm gonna kill him. 

**Angie:** You’re gonna propose to her? _That’s_ why you’ve been working so hard?

**Hyde:** Yes. But now Fez ruined it. How dare he tell everyone watching the show that I have feelings?

Angie laughs. Hyde grimaces. 

~

At the Formans’ house, Kitty watches television. She gasps. 

**Kitty:** Red! Red, you need to hear this!

She runs out of the living room then out of the house. She rushes over to the garage, where Red is working on his car. 

**Kitty:** Red! Red, oh my goodness!

**Red:** What's going on? Were we robbed?

**Kitty:** No! I was watching Jackie’s show and Fez, the foreign boy, said Steven was saving up money to buy an engagement ring for Jackie!

**Red:** He’s _what_? Didn't they see what happened to Eric and Donna?

**Kitty:** Oh, stop it! Be happy for them! Steven getting married means he’ll move out soon!

**Red:** Hey, that does sound good. 

**Kitty:** I am just so excited! Our little Steven has found love! Oh, but we can _not_ tell him we know. If he knows that we know, he might not go through with it. 

**Red:** Yeah… I hope he doesn't expect us to pay for the wedding. 

**Kitty:** Red, he has a rich father. All we have to do is get a wedding present. 

**Red:** Good. 

**Kitty:** This time you better not spend the present money on a canoe. 

**Red:** Just don't let me go out with Bob. Hey, that solves two of my problems. I won't spend the money and I won't have to hang out with Bob! 

**Kitty:** Bob’s coming over for cards tonight, so you can stop hanging out with him tomorrow!

Red grimaces. Kitty smiles and walks out of the garage. 

~

Hyde walks onto the set of Jackie’s show. Donna is looking at something on her clipboard. 

**Hyde:** Where’s Fez? I have to kick his ass. 

**Donna:** Oh, you saw the show. I am really sorry, I should’ve known better than to tell Fez. 

**Hyde:** Damn right! 

Jackie walks in. When she sees Hyde, she rushes over to him and kisses him. 

**Jackie:** Oh, Steven, I'm so glad you’re here! 

**Hyde:** Where’s Fez?

**Jackie:** He left already. 

**Hyde:** Damn. Can you just pretend you didn't find out?

**Jackie:** Why would I do that? 

**Hyde:** It was gonna be a surprise. When I proposed, I was gonna tell you I paid for the ring on my own. 

**Donna:** Awww!

Hyde turns to face Donna. 

**Hyde:** Don't you have somewhere better to be?

**Donna:** No, not really. 

**Jackie:** Steven, that is the sweetest thing I have ever heard! You better get me a nice ring. 

**Hyde:** Don't get your hopes up. 

**Jackie:** Too late. They’re way up.

Hyde shakes his head. He puts his arm around Jackie. 

**Hyde:** Can I give you a ride home?

**Jackie:** I’d love that. 

They leave the set. Donna stands alone in the empty room. 

**Donna:** Bye, Donna! See you later, Donna! Thanks for doing the camera on my show, Donna!

Fez comes out from behind a changing screen. 

**Fez:** Why are you talking to yourself?

~

Cut of Jackie’s show. 

**Jackie:** So, Fez, what’s it like being a foreigner in Wisconsin?

**Fez:** Women do not want to do it with me. 

**Jackie:** That’s because you’re a creep, not because you’re a foreigner. 

**Fez:** Whatever the reason is, it’s still true! I have many needs. 

**Jackie:** Well, if there are any really desperate ladies out there that would like to be with Fez, he is the shampoo boy at the salon. 

**Fez:** Free washes for girls who will do it with me!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my tumblr is springsteenicious 
> 
> feel free to send me anything t70s related!


	3. Episode Three - Oh! Darling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyde buys a ring for Jackie. Donna finds the perfect house. Kelso gets mad at Fez.

Hyde and Jackie are in the Formans’ basement. An ABBA record is playing. Jackie is dancing. Hyde is sitting on the couch watching her. 

**Jackie:** Dance with me!

**Hyde:** No.

**Jackie:** Come on!

**Hyde:** I don’t dance to ABBA. 

**Jackie:** Pleeeease? For me? 

**Hyde:** …Fine. 

Jackie pulls him up off the couch and places his hands on her hips. They sway to the music for a moment. Kelso crashes into the room and Hyde springs away from Jackie. 

**Kelso:** Hyde, were you just dancing to ABBA?

**Hyde:** No! You don't know what you saw!

**Kelso:** I do know what I saw! I saw you dancing to ABBA!

**Hyde:** Shut the hell up!

Hyde starts wrestling with Kelso. 

**Kelso:** Ow, my eye!

**Jackie:** What is it with you and eye injuries? 

Hyde lets go of Kelso. 

**Kelso:** I have sensitive eyes. 

**Hyde:** I go for his eyes. 

Jackie shakes her head. 

~ Intro ~

Donna and Jackie sit in the basement. Jackie is watching television and Donna is reading the newspaper. 

**Jackie:** Where is everyone? It’s never just us down here. 

Donna looks around. 

**Donna:** I don't know. Fez is probably hiding around here somewhere waiting for us to start making out or something. 

Fez comes out of the shower. 

**Fez:** How did you know? I was being so quiet!

Fez pouts and stomps out of the basement. 

**Donna:** Hey, there’s this open house that I was gonna go to with Eric today, but he’s busy, so do you wanna check it out with me? 

**Jackie:** Sure. I’ve got nothing better to do. 

**Donna:** Great! I really didn’t want to go alone. Last time I went to an open house by myself, three guys asked to live with me. 

**Jackie:** _Three_ guys were interested in your lumberjack body? I don't believe that. 

~

Hyde, Eric and Kelso walk into the jewelry store. 

**Hyde:** So, do you think you can find the rings Jackie showed you?

**Kelso:** I’ll try my best. 

Kelso starts searching through the cases. An employee, Fenton, approaches Hyde and Eric. 

**Fenton:** Mr. Forman. I see you’ve brought someone new. 

**Eric:** Fenton? I thought you didn't work here anymore. 

**Fenton:** They hired me back. Anyway, how can I help you? 

**Hyde:** I'm looking for an engagement ring. 

**Fenton:** I can show you several very nice ones. 

Fenton steps behind the counter and takes out a tray. He places a ring on his finger and shows them. 

**Fenton:** This is our most popular ring. 

**Hyde:** Why are you wearing it?

**Eric:** He just does this, don't ask why. 

Kelso rushes over. 

**Kelso:** I think I found it!

Everyone, including Fenton, follows him to a ring display. Fenton takes the ring and puts it on, then shows Hyde. 

**Fenton:** That is a rather nice one, isn't it? 

**Hyde:** Can you stop wearing the jewelry? I’d like to get my girlfriend a ring that hasn't been on your hairy man finger. 

**Fenton:** Well, then, you’re gonna have to find another jewelry store, sir!

Everyone is silent. 

**Eric:** I can have my mom wash it before you give it to Jackie, if you want. 

**Hyde:** Sure, whatever. 

Kelso points at a ring in one of the glass cases. 

**Kelso:** She’d probably like that one. 

Hyde looks at the case. 

**Hyde:** Maybe not that one. The one next to it, though…

Fenton takes the ring out. 

**Hyde:** Don’t put that on your finger. 

Fenton gives Hyde a dirty look, but does not put the ring on. Hyde examines the ring.

**Hyde:** This is the one. 

**Fenton:** What size? 

**Kelso:** Size five. 

They all look at him. 

**Kelso:** What? She made me memorize her ring size when we were dating!

Hyde shakes his head and goes to pay for the ring. 

~

Red and Kitty sit in the kitchen. Charlie walks in holding several bags. 

**Charlie:** Well, I'm heading out today. Thank you so much for letting me stay with you. 

Red looks up from his newspaper. 

**Red:** Charlie? I forgot you were here, son. 

**Charlie:** It has been a crazy few days. 

**Kitty:** It was lovely to have you here, Charlie. We’ll see you soon. 

Charlie nods and leaves the house. 

**Red:** That kid is weird. 

~

Jackie and Donna walk into the kitchen of a house. 

**Jackie:** This house is actually pretty nice for something you picked out. 

**Donna:** Gee, thanks. 

**Jackie:** Seems a bit big for just you and Eric, though. I mean, there’s two bedrooms. Why would you need two bedrooms?

**Donna:** A guest room? 

**Jackie:** And I know Eric needs his private bathroom or whatever, but three seems like a lot. 

**Donna:** Yeah, it does seem a little big… Wait. 

**Jackie:** What?

**Donna:** I just got the best idea! We need to find Eric and Hyde!

Donna rushes out of the house. Jackie follows her.

~

Eric and Hyde sit in the basement. Hyde is looking at the ring. 

**Hyde:** You think she’ll like it?

**Eric:** No, I think she’ll find something wrong with it. 

**Hyde:** Probably. 

Hyde pockets the ring quickly as the basement door opens. Donna and Jackie enter. 

**Donna:** We were just at an open house and I had the best idea!

**Eric:** Well, let’s hear it!

**Donna:** Alright. Since Hyde is proposing sometime soon, you two are gonna need a place to live. And since Red wants Eric out of the house, we need a place to live. The house we were just at was too big for just me and Eric, so I think we should all move in together!

**Jackie:** You want me to live with _Eric_?

**Eric:** Yeah, you want me to live with _Jackie_?

**Hyde:** No offense, Donna, but I don't want to live with you and Forman. You have too much drama. I get enough drama with Jackie. 

Jackie nods. 

**Donna:** No, think about it. It will be way cheaper, because the cost will be split four ways. Plus, Eric and I won’t be living there forever. We both want to get out of Point Place. This would just be temporary. 

**Jackie:** So… we would just be living together until you leave?

**Eric:** Hey, this actually sounds pretty good. 

**Hyde:** Yeah. It would be nice to have some roommates before it’s just me and Jackie. 

**Donna:** Plus, the house is just outside of Point Place. It’s close to the record store too. 

**Jackie:** This sounds kind of perfect. 

**Eric:** If we want to do this, we should go put an offer on the house _now_. 

**Donna:** The open house lasts for one more hour, so let's go!

The four of them leave the basement. 

~

Kelso and Fez sit in their apartment. 

**Kelso:** Did you know Hyde dances to ABBA with Jackie when no one’s around?

Fez gasps. 

**Fez:** Really? Finally I know a secret about him! He knows way too much about me. 

**Kelso:** Well you’re bad at keeping secrets. You told Eric that I steal his Lego pieces when he’s not looking. Now I don't get to watch him tear up the basement looking for a Lego brick!

**Fez:** I apologized for that!

**Kelso:** I know. And I forgive you. Nothing you do could make me mad at you. 

**Fez:** Nothing?

**Kelso:** Nothing. 

**Fez:** Okay, then I have something to tell you. 

**Kelso:** What is it? 

**Fez:** I asked out Brooke. 

**Kelso:** You _what_? 

**Fez:** I asked Brooke, the mother of your child, out on a date. 

**Kelso:** Not cool, man! What did she say? 

**Fez:** She has not responded yet. 

**Kelso:** I'm gonna go talk to her. Don’t do that again, Fez!

~

Donna, Jackie, Hyde and Eric walk into the house. A real estate agent stands in the kitchen. Donna goes over to talk to her. 

**Hyde:** This place is nice. I can totally see us living here. 

**Jackie:** I know, right? I didn't say anything while I was looking with Donna, but I was totally thinking about raising our future kids in this house!

**Hyde:** Woah, woah, woah. No talk about kids for at least ten years. 

**Jackie:** Okay. 

**Eric:** You’re right about this house. It is kind of perfect. There must be something wrong with it. 

**Jackie:** Why would there be something wrong with it? 

**Eric:** Good things like this never happen to me. There’s always a catch. 

Donna comes back over to them. 

**Donna:** The real estate agent seemed really excited about us buying the house! Apparently they haven't had many offers. 

**Eric:** Why? 

**Donna:** She doesn't know. 

They all look at each other. Hyde shrugs. 

**Hyde:** I don't care what’s wrong with it. We’re getting a house. I don't have to live with Forman’s parents anymore. 

**Jackie:** Does this mean you’re going to propose tonight?

**Hyde:** What? Why would I do that?

**Jackie:** We can’t move in together if we’re not engaged!

**Hyde:** Sure we can. 

Jackie shakes her head and walks over to the real estate agent. 

**Jackie:** When do you think we’ll be able to move in? 

**Real Estate Agent:** If you’re not planning on making any changes to the house construction-wise, you could move in within three weeks or so. 

**Jackie:** You hear that, Steven? You have three weeks!

**Eric:** Three weeks? Red said I have to move out in two. 

**Donna:** I'm sure he’ll understand. He’ll probably be so excited you’re buying a house, he won’t care you’re staying for an extra week. 

**Eric:** Okay. You’re right. Let’s make an offer on this house!

~

Kelso knocks on the door to Brooke’s apartment. She opens it after a moment. 

**Brooke:** Michael? What are you doing here?

**Kelso:** Fez said he asked you out.

**Brooke:** So?

**Kelso:** So I don’t want him to go out with you. He’s way too creepy. 

**Brooke:** It sounds like you’re jealous. 

**Kelso:** _Jealous_? I’m not- no way- I can’t be- Oh my god, I’m jealous. 

**Brooke:** Do you want to come inside and talk? 

**Kelso:** Talk or do it? 

**Brooke:** Talk, Michael. With words. 

Brooke lets Kelso inside and closes the door behind them. 

~

Jackie and Hyde sit in the booth at The Hub. Eric and Donna sit in chairs across from them. 

**Eric:** Can you believe we’re buying a house?

**Hyde:** With how small and teenager-y you look all the time, no, I can't believe it. 

**Jackie:** Seriously. Sometimes I forget that you’re older than me. 

**Donna:** Hey! He’s cute. 

**Jackie:** He’s not supposed to be cute. He’s supposed to be handsome, like my Steven.

Hyde smiles and puts his arm around Jackie. She stares at him expectantly. 

**Jackie:** Well? Aren't you going to compliment me back?

**Hyde:** You have nice hair?

Jackie scoffs and rolls her eyes. 

**Eric:** Really? That’s the best you can do? ‘You have nice hair?’ 

**Hyde:** Why don't you go ahead and show us how it’s done?

**Eric:** Donna, I love your fake blonde hair. 

Donna raises an eyebrow. Hyde and Jackie laugh. 

**Jackie:** Oh, Eric, that was awful. 

**Hyde:** How is that any better than what I said? 

**Eric:** I was detailed!

**Donna:** But you said the word ‘fake’ so it doesn't sound as nice. 

Fez walks into The Hub and sits down at their table. 

**Fez:** Hello, friends. How are you all today? 

**Jackie:** I’d be better if Steven proposed. 

**Hyde:** Not gonna happen. 

**Eric:** Wait back up. Fez, why are you being so polite? 

**Fez:** I made Kelso angry and I do not want to make anyone else mad. 

**Donna:** How’d you make Kelso angry? 

**Fez:** I asked out Brooke. 

Everyone groans. 

**Fez:** What?

**Eric:** Fez, man, you can’t do that. You can’t ask out the woman your best friend has a child with. 

**Fez:** I did not think he would mind! They are not together!

**Hyde:** But it’s weird. 

**Fez:** I will not do it again, I promise!

**Donna:** Good.

**Fez:** So, does anyone have any hot friends that I could go out with? 

Everyone groans again. 

~

Red and Kitty sit in the living room. Eric, Donna, Hyde and Jackie enter together. 

**Eric:** We have some big news!

**Red:** You’re moving out?

**Eric:** Yes!

Red jumps up, smiling. 

**Red:** This is the best day of my life!

**Eric:** In three weeks!

Red’s face falls. 

**Red:** Three weeks?

**Eric:** Yeah. 

**Donna:** See, the four of us bought a house together and the real estate agent said we could move in in three weeks. 

**Kitty:** All four of you bought a house together? 

**Hyde:** Yep. Mostly to save money because Forman can’t pay for college and Jackie and I are getting… cheap. We’re becoming cheap people. 

**Jackie:** Speak for yourself. 

**Red:** Well, as long as you're both moving out soon, I'm happy. 

**Eric:** Well, that’s great. Because we don't have any furniture for the new house and I don't have a job. 

**Donna:** Oh yeah… You need to get a job. 

**Hyde:** I’d hire you, but we don’t have any jobs available at the store. 

**Eric:** It’s fine. I’ll figure something out. 

**Donna:** I can see if there’s any jobs available at the radio station. 

**Eric:** That would be great, but you know I can’t focus when you’re around. You gum up the works, Donna!

**Red:** You’re just gonna have to go job searching, son. 

**Eric:** I wouldn’t be in this mess if you hadn't spent my college money. 

**Red:** You’re not getting a job to pay for college. You’re getting a job to pay for your house. 

**Eric:** Yeah, well… I don't know, but I want to blame you! 

**Kitty:** Why do you all want to live together? I don't understand.

**Jackie:** It’s really just easier to pay for the house if we split it four ways. 

**Eric:** I’ll try my best to find a job before we move in. 

**Red:** I’ve got a solution for your furniture problem! Take the stuff in the basement!

**Hyde:** That would actually be great. I was planning on taking everything from my room anyway. 

**Jackie:** Oh my god! I just realized I get to decorate our room! Oh, I’m so excited! 

Hyde smiles at her. 

**Kitty:** _Our_ room? You’re going to be sleeping in the same room?

**Donna:** Well, there’s only two bedrooms, so… yeah. Me and Eric in one and Hyde and Jackie in the other. 

**Kitty:** I don't know if I like this plan. 

**Red:** I think it’s great. For once, we won’t have six children in our house at any given time. 

**Kitty:** I like having all the kids here. 

**Eric:** We’ll still visit, mom. Mostly for meals since I think only Hyde really knows how to cook. 

**Donna:** I can cook!

**Eric:** Donna, last time you cooked for me, there was a bathroom emergency. Besides, Hyde was an actual chef at an actual restaurant. 

**Hyde:** I was. Plus, I had to learn how to cook when I was a kid. My mom wasn't around a lot and if she was, she was too drunk to cook. 

**Jackie:** Oh, my poor baby. 

~

Kelso and Brooke sit in the living room of Brooke’s apartment alone. They both keep glancing at each other when the other isn’t looking. 

**Kelso:** Are you gonna say yes to Fez? 

**Brooke:** No. 

**Kelso:** Good, because I like you. 

Brooke stares at him for a moment, then leans in and kisses him. 

**Kelso:** Damn, that was even better than I remember!

**Brooke:** Shut up. 

Brooke kisses him again. 

~

Jackie and Eric stand in the basement, staring at each other. Hyde and Donna stand together behind the couch. 

**Jackie:** You better not sleep in the nude anymore. I don’t want to get up during the night and see you wandering around naked. 

**Eric:** You better not destroy any more of my legos! Last time you slept here, space command centers were destroyed! 

**Jackie:** Because you left it right in front of Steven’s door!

**Eric:** Just watch where you’re going!

**Jackie:** Donna, I can’t believe you want me to live with him. 

Hyde leans over to Donna and speaks quietly. 

**Hyde:** What did you get us into?

**Donna:** I have no idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah i completely forgot about charlie so sorry for the awkward scene 
> 
> anyway constructive criticism is always appreciated!


	4. Episode Four - Got To Get You Into My Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jackie thinks Hyde is going to propose. Eric goes job hunting. Donna trains a new intern at the radio station.

Donna sits in her living room reading a book. Jackie rushes in. 

**Jackie:** Donna, Donna, Donna! I think Steven is going to propose today! He invited me to go to dinner tonight!

Donna sighs and puts down her book. 

**Donna:** Jackie, this is the third time this week you’ve said that. He still hasn't proposed yet, I really don't think tonight is the night. 

**Jackie:** But he had this look in his eyes, like he had something planned. I just really feel like he’s going to propose tonight!

**Donna:** Alright. But last time you got all dressed up, thinking he was taking you somewhere fancy, and then he just took you to The Hub and you shared cheese fries. 

**Jackie:** Well, tonight will not be like that. 

~

Eric and Hyde play basketball in the driveway. 

**Eric:** Man, Jackie keeps thinking that you’re gonna propose and then when you don’t, she complains to Donna. Your girlfriend is taking up my Donna time! I need my Donna time, Hyde. 

Hyde laughs. 

**Hyde:** I keep asking her out on dates that sound really fancy so she thinks I'm gonna propose. I'm doing a boy-who-cried-wolf kinda thing. Once she stops thinking I’m gonna propose, bam. 

**Eric:** Well you better speed this process up. I haven't done it with Donna in a week. A whole week, Hyde!

**Hyde:** See, you just screwed yourself. I was gonna propose tomorrow, but now I’m gonna wait. 

**Eric:** You’re a bad friend. 

~ Intro ~

Donna and Fez stand in the radio station. 

**Fez:** Thank you for inviting me along to meet the new intern. I would really rather not be around Kelso. 

**Donna:** Speaking of which, how did that thing with Brooke go? 

**Fez:** She said she would never go out with me and I should not be going behind Kelso’s back. 

**Donna:** Sounds about right. Anyway, try not to be creepy around the new intern.

**Fez:** I will try my best, but I can make no promises. 

A woman with long hair and a leather jacket walks in. 

**Donna:** Hey, you must be Tracy. I’m Hot Donna. 

**Tracy:** I can see why they call you that. 

Fez walks over. 

**Fez:** Hello, Tracy. I am Fez. I could rock your world, baby. 

Tracy glares at him. 

**Tracy:** You’ll be lucky if I even speak to you again. 

She turns back to Donna. 

**Donna:** Why don’t I show you around?

**Tracy:** That would be great. 

Tracy and Donna leave the room. 

**Fez:** I am in love. Sweet, beautiful, Tracy love. 

~

Red and Kitty sit in the Pinciottis’ kitchen with Bob. 

**Bob:** I’ve been trying to find a new hobby, to take up time during the day while Donna’s not here and I’m feeling lonely. So far I’ve tried yoga and bracelet making. 

Bob holds up several bead bracelets. 

**Bob:** I made you both bracelets with your names on ‘em. This one is red and it says ‘Red’ and this one is pink and it says ‘Kitty.’ 

**Kitty:** Thank you, Bob, that’s very… sweet.

**Red:** I’m not wearing this. 

**Bob:** I didn’t think you would. I made one for myself, too! It’s green and it says ‘Bob.’

**Kitty:** That's nice. 

**Bob:** Isn’t it? Well, I'm gonna get another beer, anyone want anything? 

**Red:** We’re all set. 

Bob leaves the room. 

**Kitty:** We need to find him a new woman. 

**Red:** Tell me about it. The man’s gone insane! Making bracelets, ha! 

**Kitty:** He was always a bit weird, but this is just concerning. 

**Red:** And to think, he used to be normal. 

**Kitty:** I can’t even remember that. 

**Red:** You know, neither can I. Maybe he’s always been insane and we just didn't realize. 

Bob walks back in. 

**Bob:** Let me tell you about my newest hobby. I started drawing animals, but here’s the twist… they’re dressed like humans!

Red and Kitty give each other concerned looks as Bob shows them a picture of a zebra in a Packers uniform. 

~

Everyone is in the basement. Eric, Donna and Fez sit on the couch, Kelso sits in his chair, Jackie sits on Hyde’s lap in the other chair. 

**Jackie:** So, Steven, where are you taking me tonight?

**Hyde:** It’s a surprise. 

**Jackie:** Should I dress nice?

Hyde shrugs. 

**Jackie:** Ugh, Steven, I need to know if we’re going someplace fancy or not! 

**Hyde:** I don’t want to ruin the surprise. 

**Eric:** Hyde, will you please just tell her where you’re going? This is the fourth time she’s asked about in the last half hour. 

**Hyde:** You’re just gonna have to deal with it. 

**Donna:** Eric, do you wanna go see a movie tonight? 

**Eric:** I’d love to, but I have a job interview tonight. 

**Kelso:** Where?

**Eric:** The drive-in. 

**Fez:** What’s the job? Breaking up couples that are doing it in their cars?

**Eric:** No. Running the ticket booth. 

**Hyde:** Sweet. You can give us free tickets. 

**Eric:** No. The only person getting free tickets from me is Donna. 

**Donna:** Aw, thanks. 

**Eric:** Anything for you. Besides, Hyde, you’ve been taking away my Donna time. 

**Hyde:** It’s really not my fault. I don’t control who Jackie talks to about me. 

**Jackie:** Yeah, Eric. Donna is my only girl friend. I have to talk to her about Steven.

**Kelso:** You can talk to me, too! I love hearing dirt about Hyde. 

**Fez:** Ooh, yes! You can talk to me as well. 

**Jackie:** Maybe I will. If Steven doesn’t propose soon. 

**Hyde:** You gotta be patient, doll. It’ll happen when it happens. 

**Jackie:** What is that even supposed to mean?

**Hyde:** It means it will be worth the wait. 

**Jackie:** It better be. If not, I’ll say no and make you try again. 

**Kelso:** Hyde, my advice is to put the ring in some food. She always wanted me to do that. 

**Hyde:** Kelso, buddy, you need to stop giving me Jackie advice. I know what I’m doing. 

**Kelso:** Alright, but I'm just trying to help. 

**Jackie:** Well, he doesn't need your help. I’ve changed a lot since we dated. Steven knows me better than anyone. 

**Kelso:** Fine! But I know Fez better than anyone, so… so there!

**Fez:** Do you really know me better than anyone?

**Eric:** He probably does. 

**Kelso:** Yeah. I’ll prove it to you. Let’s go to the Seven-Eleven and I’ll buy you some Milk Duds. I know you love those. 

**Fez:** Alright!

They leave the basement. 

**Eric:** So, Donna, how’s the new intern? 

**Donna:** She is the best. She immediately told off Fez for being creepy. And she has great taste in music. 

**Hyde:** Does she like Zeppelin? 

**Donna:** Oh yeah. And The Rolling Stones, The Doors, Pink Floyd… When she gets on the air, she’ll be playing the best music. 

**Hyde:** Sounds like my kinda girl. 

**Jackie:** Excuse me? 

**Hyde:** If I wasn’t with you. 

Jackie raises an eyebrow. 

**Hyde:** You’re the only chick I want to be with, relax. 

**Jackie:** I better be. If not, I will destroy your life. 

**Hyde:** I don’t doubt that. 

**Eric:** Can I come meet the new intern? 

**Donna:** Sure. Once she gets settled in at the station, I’ll bring you over. 

**Eric:** Sweet. 

**Hyde:** Alright, Jackie, ready to go?

**Jackie:** We’re leaving now?! I’m not ready!

**Hyde:** Chill out. We’re not going anywhere fancy. You’re fine. 

Jackie and Hyde get up and leave. 

~

Red and Kitty sit in the kitchen. Eric walks in wearing a suit. 

**Eric:** I'm headed to my first job interview. Do I look like someone you would hire to sell movie tickets?

**Kitty:** You look snazzy!

**Red:** Are you sure you want to sell tickets for a living?

**Eric:** No. In fact, I really don’t want to. But I don’t have much of a choice now, do I?

Red nods. 

**Kitty:** Oh, you’re gonna do great, sweetie. Good luck!

She kisses him on the cheek. Eric takes a deep breath and walks out. 

~

Kelso and Brooke sit on a park bench with Betsy in a stroller between them. They both hold cups of ice cream. 

**Brooke:** You know, I’ve never tried bubble gum ice cream before. 

**Kelso:** Isn't it delicious?

**Brooke:** Yeah, it kind of is. 

**Kelso:** When Betsy gets older, I’m gonna buy her her first bubble gum ice cream. And then we’ll play with the dogs at the park. 

Brooke takes Kelso’s hand. 

**Brooke:** You’re so sweet. 

**Kelso:** Not as sweet as you. 

Brooke smiles and looks away. 

**Kelso:** So, do you think we could maybe date again? Now that we have a system with Betsy and everything is more stable. 

**Brooke:** Yeah, I think I’d like that. 

**Kelso:** Awesome. 

Kelso kisses Brooke. 

~

Hyde leads Jackie into the record store. A box of pizza sits on the table in the pit next to a bin of records. 

**Jackie:** Steven, this is just the record store. 

**Hyde:** Yep. 

**Jackie:** What are we doing here?

**Hyde:** I got us dinner and put out the new shipment of records. 

Jackie walks over to the record bin and starts sorting through the albums. 

**Hyde:** We can listen to whatever album you want. 

Jackie gasps and pulls out a record. 

**Jackie:** You got the soundtrack of _Grease_? 

**Hyde:** I guess so. I don’t do the orders and I haven’t looked through the new stuff. 

Jackie puts the record on the turntable. Hyde sits down on the couch and puts a slice of pizza on each of the paper plates next to the box. 

**Jackie:** This is nice and romantic, but you better not be proposing tonight. I will not be proposed to in a record store. 

**Hyde:** Don’t worry. There’s no proposal tonight. 

**Jackie:** I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not. 

**Hyde:** I’m being serious. I'm not proposing tonight. 

Jackie eyes him suspiciously. 

**Jackie:** Okay…

**Hyde:** I'm not proposing! Now eat your pizza. 

Jackie sits down next to Hyde and takes her slice of pizza. 

~

Eric sits in front of a desk, where a man in a suit is sitting. 

**Eric:** Mr. Dupree, I think I would be a great fit for the ticket selling position. 

**Mr. Dupree:** And why is that?

**Eric:** I am dedicated and hard-working. I always follow through with things. 

**Mr. Dupree:** Why is that important to ticket selling? 

Eric opens his mouth, but doesn’t respond right away, caught off guard. 

**Eric:** I follow through with giving people their tickets?

**Mr. Dupree:** You should be doing that anyway. It’s the whole job. 

Eric frowns and nods. 

**Mr. Dupree:** Listen, we’re trying to fill the position as quickly as possible. You seem like a smart kid, I’d be happy to hire you. 

**Eric:** Really? I mean, yeah, of course. 

**Mr. Dupree:** Just a few rules. No giving out free tickets to your friends. Everyone has to pay full price. Second, if a show is sold out, it’s sold out. We don’t have room for any more cars. Third, you still have to pay full price at the snack bar. We don’t have an employee discount. 

**Eric:** Got it. I won’t let you down, sir!

**Mr. Dupree:** No, because then you’d be fired. You start tomorrow. 

**Eric:** Alright! Thank you so much. 

~

Donna and Fez sit in the radio station with Tracy. Donna is on the air. 

**Donna:** You’re on the air with Hot Donna. 

She plays the sizzling bacon sound. 

**Donna:** And I’m coming at you live with a nonstop rock block! Next up, enjoy some Zeppelin. 

She places the record on and walks over to Fez and Tracy. 

**Donna:** I’m gonna run to the bathroom. Don’t talk too loud or the microphone will pick up what you’re saying. 

Donna leaves the room. Tracy turns to Fez. 

**Tracy:** So, what’s Donna’s deal? 

**Fez:** What do you mean ‘her deal?’ 

**Tracy:** What’s she into? 

**Fez:** Oh. She is a feminist and she likes rock music. She is also very attractive. 

**Tracy:** I can see that. Is she seeing anyone?

**Fez:** She has a boyfriend, Eric. He is a loser. You will probably not like him. 

Tracy nods. Donna comes back and sits down in front of the mic as the song ends. 

**Donna:** Alright, listeners, we’ve got one more song before Hot Donna is off the air! Let’s finish this off with my favorite Rolling Stones song, _Some Girls._ Catch you tomorrow at one o’clock! 

~

Kitty and Red sit in the living room. 

**Kitty:** It’s so quiet.

**Red:** That’s the beautiful sound of having no children in the house. 

**Kitty:** No children in the house, you say?

Red and Kitty look at each other. They both get up and run up the stairs. 

~

Hyde and Jackie are making out in the record store. Jackie pulls away after a moment. 

**Jackie:** I like the new, romantic Steven. 

**Hyde:** Don’t get used to it. After I propose, this is all gone. 

Jackie pouts.

**Hyde:** Aw, don’t pout at me. 

Jackie keeps pouting. Hyde raises an eyebrow. He kisses her. When they part, she is no longer pouting. The record they’re listening to stops. 

**Jackie:** Your turn to pick. 

Hyde gets up and takes out a Led Zeppelin record. He puts it on, then goes back to sit with Jackie. They start kissing again. 

~

Kelso and Brooke walk up to Brooke’s front door. 

**Kelso:** I wish you didn't live so far away. 

**Brooke:** It’s not that far. 

**Kelso:** It’s two hours. That’s pretty damn far! I listen to two whole 8-tracks when I drive over here. 

**Brooke:** Maybe someday you can come live with us. 

**Kelso:** Yeah. Someday. 

They both stand outside Brooke’s front door. 

**Kelso:** Thanks for giving me another chance. I’d really like to do it with you and not get you pregnant. 

Brooke laughs. 

**Brooke:** You’re going to have to wait a little while, Michael.

**Kelso:** I know. 

Brooke kisses him on the cheek and goes inside. Kelso pumps his fist and walks back to his car. 

~

Everyone except Eric is in the basement. Donna sits on the couch. Jackie sits on the other side of the couch near Hyde, who sits in his chair. Kelso and Fez are standing by the dryer. Eric enters. 

**Eric:** Guys, I got the job at the drive-in! I am officially a ticket-seller. 

**Donna:** Congratulations! When do you start?

**Eric:** Tomorrow. 

**Donna:** Tomorrow? Eric, we have a date tomorrow. 

Eric raises his eyebrows. 

**Eric:** A date? Oh, shoot, I'm sorry.

**Jackie:** How could you forget you had a date with Donna? You’re lucky she even talks to you. 

**Kelso:** BURN!

Hyde holds out his hand for a high five and Jackie slaps it. 

**Eric:** I don’t know how I forgot, I was just so caught up with finding a job… God, I shoulda known I’d screw things up! Everything was going too well…

**Hyde:** That’s true, I was waiting for you to ruin things. 

**Donna:** Eric, calm down, it’s fine. We’ll just reschedule. 

**Kelso:** But then he’ll forget about that date, then the date after that…

**Fez:** Then the date after that, and the date after that…

**Eric:** Alright, I get it! And, no, I’m not going to forget. 

**Donna:** Just let me know when you get your work schedule and we’ll figure something out. 

Eric nods. 

**Hyde:** Oh, speaking of dates… Jackie, you wanna get dinner with me on Friday?

**Jackie:** Yeah, sure. I’ve given up hope that you’re gonna propose anytime soon, so I can’t wait!

**Hyde:** Good on you for giving up on me. That’s the right decision. Now I can’t disappoint you. 

**Jackie:** That is so true. You know what? If I stop believing in you, I’ll always be pleasantly surprised!

**Donna:** What a great way to keep a relationship.

**Eric:** Yeah, Donna, if you didn't believe in me, you wouldn’t be disappointed that I forgot our date!

**Donna:** Too bad I believe in you. 

**Eric:** Yeah, it really is too bad. 

**Kelso:** The only girlfriend I ever had that believed in me was Annette and she wouldn't put out. Plus, she made Jackie and Hyde break up for a little bit.

**Hyde:** That was _your_ fault, man. 

**Kelso:** Well, whatever- it’s- it doesn't matter now, does it?

**Fez:** It better not. 

~

Red and Kitty sit in bed. 

**Red:** That was nice, wasn’t it?

**Kitty:** Yeah, it was. 

**Red:** See, there are some good things about the kids leaving. 

**Kitty:** Yeah, I guess so. I still miss them an awful lot. 

Schatzi jumps up on the bed. 

**Red:** You’ve still got Schatzi!

Kitty scoops the dog into her arms and kisses it. 

**Kitty:** That’s right! Oh, Schatzi, you won’t leave me, will you? (in a deeper voice) No, I won’t!

Kitty laughs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next episode is gonna be great :)
> 
> also this timeline goes into 1980 oops


	5. Episode Five - All You Need Is Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eric has a crazy coworker. Red and Kitty help Donna get prepared for the new house. Hyde and Jackie go on a date.

Everyone is in the basement. Fez stands up. 

**Fez:** Everyone, I have an announcement!

They all look at him expectantly. 

**Fez:** It will be shocking and you will never see it coming!

No one says anything. 

**Fez:** I have a girlfriend!

**Kelso:** No you don’t. 

**Fez:** No, I do not. 

**Hyde:** Kelso, how’d you know that?

**Kelso:** If he had a girlfriend, he woulda told me. He tells me when random women stare at him at the Piggly Wiggly. 

**Fez:** That woman was giving me sexy eyes. She wanted me. 

**Kelso:** Then why didn’t you talk to her, man? 

**Fez:** I was getting your ice cream! I did not want it to melt! 

**Eric:** That’s smart. Ice cream does melt very fast in Kelso’s car. I bet it would melt super fast if it was under a light saber.

**Donna:** Is this ever gonna stop?

**Eric:** What?

**Jackie:** The stupid Star Wars references. It’s so annoying. 

**Eric:** It is a part of who I am. You all just need to learn to accept it. 

**Donna:** It’s still annoying. 

Eric holds up his hand and does an Obi-Wan Kenobi voice. 

**Eric:** It is not as annoying as you think. 

**Jackie:** Stop trying to do the Jedi mind trick thing. You don’t have the force!

**Eric:** But I want the force!

~ Intro ~

Donna looks over documents regarding the new house in the Formans’ kitchen. Kitty is baking cookies. Red is reading the paper. 

**Kitty:** Is everything all set for the new house, Donna?

**Donna:** Technically, yes. We have everything signed and we have all the furniture and important stuff, but I’m kind of worried. None of us have ever lived without parents except for Hyde. 

**Kitty:** Well what do you need parents for? You’re all adults now aren't you? 

Red and Kitty start laughing. 

**Red:** Don’t count on Eric to fix anything around the house. He gets scared of dust under the sink. 

**Donna:** See, that’s what I'm worried about. None of us know how to fix things, only Hyde can cook and we don’t know how to budget our money!

**Kitty:** Why don’t we help you out? Red can teach you how different appliances work, I can teach you some of my easy recipes and we can show you how to manage money!

**Donna:** That would be great, Mrs. Forman, thank you. 

**Kitty:** No problem. Go get Jackie and the boys. 

**Donna:** I can’t. Eric has work and Hyde and Jackie are busy. 

**Red:** I thought Eric sold tickets. Why is he working all day?

**Donna:** The guy at the drive-in said he wasn’t just a ticket-seller. He also cleans up and keeps the lot in good condition. Eric said he didn't mind the extra work because it pays more. 

**Red:** Well good on him for working extra. It’s fine the rest of those idiots can’t make it. You can teach them. 

**Kitty:** Oh, yes! Eric is more likely to listen to you than Red. 

**Donna:** ...Sure. 

**Kitty:** We’re gonna have a great day!

~

Hyde walks into the basement, where Jackie is sitting.

**Hyde:** Jackie, for dinner tonight, feel free to dress nice. 

**Jackie:** How nice? Will your shirt have buttons?

**Hyde:** Yes.

**Jackie:** A tie?

**Hyde:** No. 

**Jackie:** Alright, then. We’re going to a restaurant that is casual but not a dive. 

**Hyde:** Bingo. 

**Jackie:** This also means you’re not proposing, so I won’t dress super-fancy. 

**Hyde:** Great. 

~

Eric restocks candy in the snack bar at the drive-in. Caroline, Fez’s crazy ex-girlfriend, restocks beside him. 

**Caroline:** Has Fez talked about me at all since we broke up? 

**Eric:** No. 

**Caroline:** Are you sure?

**Eric:** Yes. 

**Caroline:** Has he dated anyone new?

**Eric:** Yes. 

**Caroline:** Who? Donna?

Eric takes a deep breath. 

**Eric:** Caroline, I would really rather not talk about this. Mostly because I don’t care, but also because you’re fricking crazy! 

**Caroline:** I am not crazy. You’re the crazy one! 

Mr. Dupree walks over. 

**Mr. Dupree:** Caroline, shut up. 

Caroline pouts. 

**Mr. Dupree:** Eric, could you go pull up the weeds near the screen?

**Eric:** I'm on it, sir. 

Eric puts down his box of candy and walks away. 

~

Kelso and Jackie sit in the basement together. Jackie is reading a magazine. 

**Kelso:** Jackie, can I talk to you about something?

**Jackie:** Of course. 

**Kelso:** You know me really well, right?

**Jackie:** Yeah, I’d say so. 

**Kelso:** Do you think I could be with Brooke for a long time? 

**Jackie:** What do you mean?

**Kelso:** Like, do you think I could fully commit to her. ‘Cause she’s really nice and I don’t want to cheat on her, but I don’t have that much self-control. 

**Jackie:** If you cheat on that wonderful woman, I will ruin your entire life. 

**Kelso:** Thanks, Jackie. That’s just what I needed to hear. 

**Jackie:** No problem, Kelso. 

**Kelso:** Hey, wait. You never call me Kelso. It’s always…

He does an impression of Jackie. 

**Kelso:** ‘Michael, you’re an idiot!’... ‘Michael, don’t give your baby pop rocks!’... ‘Michael, don’t glue yourself to that chair!’ 

**Jackie:** I thought I’d try being more laid back and start using your last name. It feels good. 

Hyde walks out of his room. 

**Hyde:** Ready to go, Jackie?

**Jackie:** Yep! See you later, Kelso. 

Jackie takes Hyde’s hand and they walk out of the basement. 

~

Red and Donna stand in front of the kitchen sink. A toolbox sits on the counter nearby. 

**Red:** You’re not scared of spiders, are you?

**Donna:** No. I have to kill all the spiders in my house because my dad’s afraid of them. I don’t know what he’s gonna do in a few weeks. 

**Red:** Uh-huh. Well, under the sink there are pipes. You just need to know what tools to use and what pipes are important in which situations. 

**Donna:** Okay. 

**Red:** Grab the Philips-head. 

Donna takes the screwdriver out of the toolbox. 

**Donna:** Got it. 

Red pauses. A light shines on Donna, like it did with Jackie in season one. 

**Red:** Why are you with Eric? He’s useless and you actually know how to do stuff. 

**Donna:** I love Eric. 

**Red:** Really? 

**Donna:** Yes, really. What do I have to do next? 

**Red:** Look under the sink. I’ll hold the flashlight. 

Donna gets under the sink. 

~

Kelso sits in his apartment with Brooke and Betsy. 

**Brooke:** Thanks for taking her a day early. I know she’s a lot of work. 

**Kelso:** Are you kidding me? I love having her here. 

Brooke smiles at him. 

**Brooke:** You know, Michael, I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. 

**Kelso:** You have? 

**Brooke:** Yes. 

**Kelso:** Good, because I’ve been thinking about you a lot. 

**Brooke:** When I come to pick up Betsy on Sunday, do you wanna go see a movie?

**Kelso:** Yeah, that’d be great. Oh, who’s gonna watch Betsy? 

**Brooke:** Her godparents?

**Kelso:** I can see if they're free. 

Fez walks in. 

**Fez:** I can watch her. 

**Brooke:** Were you listening to our conversation?

**Fez:** Yes. I can watch Betsy while you two go out. To make up for asking Brooke out. 

**Kelso:** Maybe. We’ll see what happens. I'm not sure I trust you around my daughter. 

~

Hyde and Jackie sit at a table in a nice restaurant. 

**Jackie:** This restaurant is a lot nicer than you led me to believe, Steven!

**Hyde:** Is it? I thought you had the right idea. 

**Jackie:** Mostly, but this is a place where a man could actually propose to his woman. 

**Hyde:** I’m not proposing to you here. 

**Jackie:** Thank God. I want your proposal to be romantic and meaningful. 

**Hyde:** Uh-huh. 

**Jackie:** Because I have dreamed about getting married my entire life. 

**Hyde:** I know. It was super annoying. 

**Jackie:** Rude! 

**Hyde:** I'm just being honest with you. Now figure out what you’re gonna order. 

**Jackie:** Ugh, fine. 

Jackie picks up her menu and starts looking. 

~

Eric is crouched by the screen at the drive-in pulling up weeds. Caroline walks over. 

**Caroline:** You missed a spot.

She throws a clump of weeds at Eric. 

**Eric:** Do you have a problem with me?

**Caroline:** Yes. You won’t tell me anything about Fez!

Eric stands and wipes his hands on his pants. 

**Eric:** Fez is doing great. He’s a billion times happier now than he ever was with you. And, no, he’s not with Donna. I'm with Donna! We are happily in love! Now leave me alone!

Caroline gapes at him. Then, she attacks him and pushes him to the ground. 

**Eric:** Woah! You’re really strong for a girl your size. 

She hits him. He lets out a high-pitched scream. Mr. Dupree rushes over. 

**Mr. Dupree:** I heard a scream, what's- oh. Caroline, get off the boy. 

Caroline stands up. Eric does too. 

**Eric:** Thank god. You’re crazy!

**Mr. Dupree:** Did you just call my daughter crazy?

Eric freezes. 

**Eric:** Your daughter?

**Mr. Dupree:** Yes, my daughter. I will not have you calling my daughter crazy. You’re fired. 

**Eric:** Hey, let’s not be hasty. I didn’t mean it. 

**Mr. Dupree:** Of course you meant it, she is crazy. 

**Caroline:** Daddy!

**Mr. Dupree:** Sorry, sweetie. You know I love you. Eric, you’re fired and that’s final. I’ll get you your final paycheck. 

Eric nods. Mr. Dupree walks away. 

**Caroline:** I got you fired! And you didn't even do anything wrong! 

~

Kitty and Donna stand in the kitchen. Many ingredients sit on the counter. 

**Kitty:** Alright! Today you’re gonna learn how to make my awesome meatloaf! 

**Donna:** Great! I love your meatloaf. 

**Kitty:** I know, dear. Now, get a pan. 

Donna nods and looks around. 

**Donna:** Where are the pans?

**Kitty:** In the cabinet. 

Donna gets a square pan. 

**Kitty:** Now get out the herbs! We need parsley and rosemary. 

**Donna:** I don’t know what those look like. 

**Kitty:** You don’t know your herbs? Oh, boy. We’re gonna have to start with that, huh? 

Kitty laughs. 

~

Kelso watches as Fez gives Betsy a bottle. 

**Fez:** Kelso, I know how to give a baby a bottle. 

**Kelso:** I know, it just makes me nervous when you’re near her. 

**Fez:** Why?

**Kelso:** Because you’re a freak. 

**Fez:** Do not call me a freak you son of a bitch!

**Kelso:** Don’t swear in front of my daughter, man!

**Fez:** Oh, right. You son of a female dog!

**Kelso:** Fez, you’ve met my mom, she’s not a dog. 

~

Hyde and Jackie sit in the restaurant. 

**Hyde:** That was pretty good. 

**Jackie:** What are you talking about? My chicken was undercooked! Ugh, I can’t wait to go home. 

**Hyde:** Too bad, because I have one more place to take you before the night is over. 

**Jackie:** Where? 

**Hyde:** Why would I tell you? 

**Jackie:** Because I am your girlfriend and I deserve to know. 

**Hyde:** Well, it’s a surprise. 

**Jackie:** You better stop it with the surprises. I liked it at first, but now it’s just annoying. 

**Hyde:** Don’t worry, it’ll stop soon. 

**Jackie:** Good. Let’s go. 

She gets up, taking his hand and pulling him out of the restaurant. 

~

Donna and Kitty put a pan of meatloaf on the table in front of Red. 

**Kitty:** It took us three hours, which is two hours longer than usual, but we made meatloaf!

**Donna:** Feel free to be brutally honest about it. 

**Red:** When am I not brutally honest?

**Donna:** Whenever you talk to Mrs. Forman. 

Kitty raises an eyebrow. 

**Donna:** I mean… you’re always honest!

**Red:** That’s right. 

Red puts some of the meatloaf on his plate. Donna and Kitty watch intently as he takes a bite. 

**Red:** Hm. 

**Kitty:** Oh no, he hates it!

**Red:** I don’t hate it. It’s just a little… different. 

**Donna:** What does that mean?

**Red:** It’s a bit crispy. 

**Kitty:** It's not supposed to be crispy. 

**Red:** Why is it crispy?

**Donna:** I don’t know! Maybe I left it in the oven too long. 

**Red:** Yeah, that’s it. 

**Kitty:** Okay, well, that’s a common mistake. Donna, you just need to pay attention while using the oven. 

**Donna:** Will do. 

Eric walks in. 

**Eric:** I got fired!

**Donna:** What? Why?

**Eric:** I called Caroline crazy. Apparently, my boss is her dad and he fired me for it!

**Red:** Why did you call her crazy?

**Eric:** Because she’s a crazy stalker!

**Kitty:** Where are you going to work now? 

**Eric:** I don’t know. 

**Donna:** Hey, what about the restaurant? With Roy? I'm sure he’d hire you back. 

**Eric:** That is a fantastic idea! Thank you, Donna!

Eric wraps his arms around Donna tightly. 

**Kitty:** How come you never hug me like that?

Eric pulls away from Donna and hugs Kitty. Kitty smiles and hugs him back. 

**Red:** Hey dumbass, you got yourself fired just in time for us to teach you about budgeting. Have a seat. 

Eric looks at Donna, who looks apologetic. 

**Eric:** Why?

**Donna:** We need to learn how to live on our own. 

**Eric:** I don’t want to!

**Donna:** Well, you’re going to, so sit down!

Eric crosses his arms and sits at the table. Donna sits next to him. 

**Red:** The first thing you need to know is how to pay your bills…

~

Hyde and Jackie sit in the flatbed of the El Camino in the woods. 

**Hyde:** You know where we are?

**Jackie:** It’s where you drove us on our very first date. On Veteran’s day. 

**Hyde:** Yep. 

**Jackie:** I didn't think you’d remember. 

**Hyde:** I didn't think you would. 

He puts his arm around her. 

**Hyde:** What I’m about to tell you can’t be repeated to anyone, okay?

**Jackie:** Okay. 

**Hyde:** You know how you said you didn't feel anything after our first kiss? And you asked me if I felt anything and I said no? I was lying. I did feel something. 

**Jackie:** Awww, Steven!

She kisses him. 

**Hyde:** Jackie, I knew I liked you on our first date, and I don’t think I ever stopped liking you. When you gave me that ultimatum, I panicked. But deep down I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. So, Jackie Beulah-

Jackie hits him. 

**Jackie:** Don’t you dare use my middle name! I will say no if you use my middle name!

**Hyde:** Sorry, sorry, I’m just messing with you. 

He takes the ring out of his pocket. She gasps when she sees it. 

**Hyde:** Jackie Burkhart, will you marry me?

**Jackie:** Oh, Steven, yes! 

Hyde smiles and puts the ring on her finger. Jackie kisses him. 

**Jackie:** I love you, Puddin’ Pop. 

**Hyde:** I love you too, little grasshopper. 

They kiss again. 

~

Eric and Donna sit at the kitchen table with Red. 

**Red:** So, if you just keep track of which bills you have to pay…

Red’s voice fades away as Eric starts daydreaming. He and Donna are on a beach. 

**Donna:** Oh, Eric, this beach is gorgeous. Almost as gorgeous as me. It’s really putting me in the mood to be with you. 

**Eric:** It is gorgeous. But nothing could be more gorgeous than you, my darling. 

**Donna:** Oh, Eric, take me now!

Back to the kitchen. Red is snapping his fingers in front of Eric’s face. 

**Red:** Eric, are you paying attention?

**Eric:** Oh, Donna… I mean, yes, yes I am paying attention!

Red and Donna give him weird looks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I strongly believe grasshopper is Hyde's pet name for Jackie
> 
> anyway fun fact in the very first draft of this chapter (and the season altogether) i had kelso and fez get together but i wrote it out


	6. Episode Six - I Don't Want To Spoil The Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kitty hosts an engagement party for Hyde and Jackie. Eric sees something scarring. Donna introduces Eric to Tracy.

Jackie and Hyde are cuddled up under the blankets in Hyde’s bed. Hyde’s arms are wrapped around Jackie. Jackie is looking at her hand and the ring on her finger.

**Jackie:** How are we going to tell everyone?

**Hyde:** Wait until they’re all in the basement and then yell, ‘we’re engaged!’ at them?

**Jackie:** No. Maybe we can have an engagement party! 

**Hyde:** Do I have to wear a tie?

**Jackie:** No. 

**Hyde:** Sounds good to me. 

Eric starts walking into Hyde’s room then. 

**Eric:** Hyde, have you seen the instruction book for my-

He sees Jackie. 

**Eric:** Oh my god! 

Jackie shrieks and hides under the covers. 

**Hyde:** Forman, don’t you knock?

**Eric:** I didn't think Jackie would be here! Now I have to bleach my eyes!

**Jackie:** I don’t care what you do, just get out!

Eric runs out of the room. 

~ Intro ~

Everyone sits in the basement except for Kelso. 

**Eric:** This morning, I was scarred for life. 

**Donna:** How?

**Eric:** I walked into Hyde’s room and Jackie was there. I can’t unsee it. 

**Jackie:** It’s not our fault you didn't knock first. Learn some boundaries. 

**Hyde:** Seriously. You need to learn how to knock on doors before we all live together. 

**Fez:** Hold on. Why was it scarring? 

Fez gasps. 

**Fez:** Were they nude?

**Hyde:** Shut up. Where’s Kelso?

**Donna:** Subtle topic change there, Hyde. 

**Fez:** With Betsy. I am very excited, because I get to watch her tomorrow while Kelso is on a date with Brooke. 

**Eric:** Kelso is letting you watch his daughter? By yourself? 

**Fez:** Yes! I am capable!

**Donna:** But you're creepy. I wouldn't want you alone with my child. 

**Fez:** None of you trust me! I cannot stand to be with people who do not trust me! Good day!

**Jackie:** But Fez-

**Fez:** I said good day!

Fez leaves the basement. 

**Donna:** Back to Jackie and Hyde… You were nude? 

**Jackie:** I'm done with this. Steven?

**Hyde:** Right behind you.

They leave the basement. 

~

Red and Kitty sit in the living room. Hyde and Jackie enter. 

**Hyde:** We have something to tell you guys. 

**Jackie:** And you will be the first to know!

**Kitty:** Oh wow! I’ve never been the first to know something!

**Red:** What is it?

Jackie shows them her ring. 

**Jackie:** We’re engaged!

Kitty gasps. 

**Kitty:** Congratulations!

She stands up and hugs them both. 

**Kitty:** Can I please throw you an engagement party? 

**Jackie:** Of course!

**Hyde:** We were hoping you would. 

**Red:** Kitty! Why do you always insist on doing things at this house? 

**Kitty:** Because it is fun, Red. Now, are you planning to tell your friends before the party?

**Hyde:** Yes. 

**Kitty:** Good. Oh, I have always wanted to throw an engagement party!

**Jackie:** Then why didn't you throw one for Eric? Did you know their marriage was going to fail?

**Kitty:** Well, I knew they were too young. I wasn’t about to throw a party for an engagement that wouldn’t last. 

**Red:** How do you know this one’s going to last?

**Kitty:** Why would Steven commit to anything if it wasn’t extremely important?

Red and Jackie nod. 

**Kitty:** I better start making cookies! Give me a list of everyone I need to invite. 

**Jackie:** We have that part covered. 

**Hyde:** Yeah, don’t worry about that. 

**Kitty:** Alright. I'm so excited!

~

Everyone sits in the basement. Jackie is hiding her left hand. 

**Hyde:** We have an announcement!

**Jackie:** We’re engaged!

**Eric:** Took you long enough. 

**Jackie:** Shut your pie-hole, you chickened out of marrying Donna. 

**Kelso:** Man, it’s a good thing I ran away to California. Imagine if we’d gotten married? 

**Donna:** Shut up. Congratulations, you two. 

**Hyde:** Thank you. 

**Jackie:** We’re holding an engagement party here tonight, so dress nice. Donna, invite your dad. 

**Donna:** Will do. 

**Kelso:** If that’s all, then I'm outta here. Gotta go watch Betsy. 

Kelso gets up and runs out of the basement. 

**Donna:** Eric, Fez, you ready to go to the radio station?

**Eric:** Im ready for anything, baby. 

**Donna:** That was weird. Don’t do it again. 

~

Hyde, Angie and W.B. stand in W.B.’s office. 

**W.B.:** So, everything is alright at the store and in Milwaukee?

**Angie:** Everything is great, dad. 

**Hyde:** The store’s fine. 

**W.B.:** And how are you two? Anything new going on?

**Angie:** Nothing here. 

**Hyde:** Actually, Mrs. Forman wanted me to invite you both to dinner tonight. 

**W.B.:** I don’t have anything planned tonight, so I’ll be there. 

**Angie:** Me too. 

**Hyde:** Great. 

~

Jackie is on the phone in her room. 

**Jackie:** Mom, tonight I’m having a party at the Formans’ because I have a big announcement. I really want you to be there, so could you come home early?

A moment of quiet while Jackie listens to her mom’s reply. 

**Jackie:** But mom, Daddy can’t be there. He’s still in prison. It would really mean a lot to me if you could-

Another moment of quiet. 

**Jackie:** Mom! You need to stop drinking before noon! 

Another moment of quiet. 

**Jackie:** Fine! Don’t come! I guess you don’t care about your only daughter!

She hangs up and starts crying. 

~

Donna, Eric and Fez walk into the radio station. Tracy is sitting next to a stack of records and blowing bubbles with her gum. 

**Donna:** Tracy, this is my boyfriend, Eric. 

Tracy looks him up and down. 

**Tracy:** I bet you can’t lift more than five pounds. 

**Eric:** I can lift seven pounds, actually. 

**Tracy:** Congratulations, I can lift forty. 

**Fez:** Oh, Eric, that is just sad for you. 

**Eric:** Shut up, Fez. 

**Tracy:** Yeah, shut up, Fez. 

**Donna:** Okay. Well, I have to go on the air soon, but if you guys want to hang out outside and talk…

**Eric:** I’d love to, but I have to get home and help my mom prepare for the engagement party. 

**Donna:** Okay, see you later. 

Donna kisses Eric goodbye. He leaves the room with Tracy and Fez. 

~

Kitty and Eric sit in the kitchen, putting together food for the party.

**Eric:** I can’t believe Hyde is marrying Jackie. She’s evil. 

**Kitty:** She is not evil. And you shut your mouth, mister. Steven’s not going to leave Jackie at the altar. 

**Eric:** When am I going to live that down? 

**Kitty:** Never. 

Kitty puts a batch of cookies in the oven while Eric shakes his head. 

~

Hyde and Donna sit in the basement watching television. Jackie rushes in and goes straight for Hyde, throwing herself into his arms. He looks surprised, but hugs her. 

**Jackie:** Steven, my mom won’t come back for our engagement party!

**Hyde:** Really? Oh, man. 

She pulls back slightly. 

**Hyde:** I'm sorry, I don’t know what to say.

**Donna:** Say it will be alright and it doesn't matter as long as you’re with her. 

**Jackie:** Yeah, say that. 

**Hyde:** It’ll be alright, doll. Besides, it doesn’t matter who’s there as long as we’re together. 

**Jackie:** Oh, Steven!

She hugs him tightly. Hyde mouths ‘thank you’ to Donna. She gives him a thumbs up. 

**Jackie:** Will your family be there?

**Hyde:** Yeah. And Leo.

**Jackie:** Good. At least someone is happy for us. 

**Donna:** My dad will be there too. I can tell him to give Hyde the dad talk if you want. 

**Hyde:** I don’t want a dad talk from Bob. I don’t need that guy telling me he’ll beat me up if I hurt Jackie. 

**Jackie:** But it would make me feel so much better. 

Hyde gives her a look. 

**Hyde:** Fine. If it makes you happy. 

~

Fez and Eric sit in the kitchen. Eric is frosting cookies. Fez is eating M&Ms. 

**Fez:** I think Tracy might be interested in Donna. 

Eric almost drops the cookie he’s frosting. 

**Eric:** _What?_

**Fez:** I think she likes Donna. She said Donna was hot, then she asked me if Donna was seeing anyone… These are all things you do when you like someone. 

**Eric:** But- But Tracy’s a girl!

**Fez:** So?

Eric is silent for a moment. 

**Fez:** Imagine if they got together… 

(Fantasy sequence. Donna and Tracy are sitting close together on the couch in the basement.)

**Tracy:** Donna, you’re so hot right now. You’re hot all the time. 

**Donna:** Wow. Eric never called me hot. I’m so glad I dumped him for you. 

**Tracy:** I know, right? Who needs men?

**Donna:** Not me. 

**Tracy:** You wanna make out? 

**Donna:** Of course I do. 

The scene freezes. Eric’s voice can be heard, but he is not on screen. 

**Eric:** Stop, stop, stop!

Back to the kitchen. 

**Eric:** No! I tell Donna she's hot! And I am with Donna, she wouldn’t leave me for Tracy! 

**Fez:** You don’t know that. 

**Eric:** Fez, I think I would know if Donna liked women. 

**Fez:** Sure you would. Just like Donna knew you did roller derby. 

**Eric:** That is completely different. 

**Fez:** It really is not. Now, I am going to see if Miss Kitty needs help with the drinks. 

Fez leaves the room. Eric sits at the table, confused. 

~

The Formans’ living room is filled with people. Hyde and Jackie stand by the stairs, Kelso and Fez stand by the door to the kitchen with Eric and Donna, Bob is chatting with W.B. and Angie, Red and Kitty are standing by the couch. Leo is sitting on the piano bench. Kitty walks over to Hyde and Jackie. 

**Kitty:** When are you making the announcement? 

**Jackie:** Can we do it now?

**Hyde:** Sure, doll. 

Kitty clinks her fork on her glass. 

**Kitty:** Attention, everyone! Jackie and Steven have an announcement!

Everyone looks at them expectantly. 

**Jackie:** Two years ago, I asked Michael to marry me. He chickened out and ran off to California. While he was in California, I found someone better. Steven Hyde. We have now been dating for two years. Yesterday, Steven took me to a very special place and he proposed to me. We are officially engaged! 

Hyde nods. Everyone who already knew starts clapping. W.B., Angie, Bob and Leo walk over to Hyde and Jackie. 

**Angie:** Congratulations, Hyde.

**Hyde:** Thanks, man. 

**W.B.:** I'm happy for you, son. And I’d be happy to pay for the wedding. I’d be pretty much paying for it anyway since I pay your salary. 

**Hyde:** Thanks, dad. I hope you know what you're getting into, because Jackie has some… extravagant visions. 

Jackie nods. Angie and W.B. walk away. Bob steps in front of Hyde and crosses his arms. 

**Bob:** Jackie has been like a second daughter to me. If you hurt her, or you leave her at the altar like Eric did to my little girl, I’ll make your life a living hell. 

**Hyde:** Trust me, I’m not going to leave Jackie at the altar. I’m not a dumbass like Eric. 

**Bob:** Oh, good, because I don’t think I know how to make your life a living hell. 

**Hyde:** My life already is a living hell, man. 

Bob gives him a strange look and turns to Jackie.

**Bob:** Congratulations, Jackie. If you get sick of him, just say the word and I’ll beat him up for you. 

**Jackie:** Thank you, Mr. Pinciotti. 

Bob smiles and walks away. Leo steps up. 

**Leo:** Congrats, man! You just made me remember that I’m married and I should probably call my wife. 

**Hyde:** You go do that, man. 

**Leo:** Do what? 

**Hyde:** Call your wife.

**Leo:** I have a wife? Far out, man. 

~

The group stands off to the side of the party. Hyde has his arm around Jackie and Donna has her arm around Eric’s waist. 

**Donna:** So, Kelso, how are things with Brooke and Betsy?

**Kelso:** I’d love to talk about it, but it’s Jackie’s night. 

**Jackie:** Thank you for recognizing that I am the center of attention. 

**Eric:** Hyde, everyone keeps saying it’s Jackie’s night when you’re the one she’s engaged to. Why aren’t you mad about that? I would be mad. 

**Hyde:** Have you met me? I don’t want attention. Jackie can have all the attention. If I get attention, then I can’t take down the government. 

**Jackie:** Oh, you're not going to take down the government. Not alone, at least. 

**Hyde:** You offering to help me? 

**Jackie:** Maybe. 

Hyde smiles and kisses her on the cheek. 

**Donna:** So, when are you gonna start planning the wedding?

Jackie and Hyde look at each other. Hyde shrugs. 

**Jackie:** We’re not sure yet. I need to find out when my mom is going to be back because I want her to be there. 

**Kelso:** Hyde, can I be one of your groomsmen? 

**Hyde:** Of course, buddy. None of this woulda happened if you hadn’t run away to California with Donna. 

**Kelso:** That is so true! Man, California was awesome. 

**Donna:** No it wasn't.

**Eric:** Yeah, California sucked. 

**Kelso:** Well, we clearly had very different experiences. 

**Eric:** You think? 

**Kelso:** No, Eric, I don’t think. I’m too good-looking to think. 

**Fez:** That is true. 

**Jackie:** Guys, back to me. I’m the one who got engaged, not you!

**Eric:** Speaking of which, we have an engagement present for you two. 

~

A circle in the basement. Focus on Hyde and Jackie, sitting together. Hyde is laughing hysterically. 

**Hyde:** I don’t even know why I’m laughing, man. It’s just so funny!

**Jackie:** Maybe you’re laughing at Eric’s weird face. It is pretty hilarious! 

Jackie starts laughing too. Swivel to Kelso and Fez, sitting on the couch together.

**Kelso:** Oh man, I was really excited about something before we came down here, but now I can’t remember what it was!

**Fez:** It was probably that dog we saw earlier. The second a dog comes into the picture you forget all about me!

Swivel to Eric and Donna.

**Eric:** Man, I really hope my dad doesn’t come down here. He’ll straight up murder me! Like Greedo when he got shot by Han Solo in Star Wars. 

**Donna:** Fez, what kind of dog did you see? Was it one of the cute tiny ones?

Swivel to Leo.

**Leo:** Man, I love dogs. Dogs love me too. Probably because of my hair. 

Swivel to Hyde and Jackie, who have stopped laughing. 

**Jackie:** The tiny dogs are the best ones. They’re all cute and then they bite you. 

**Hyde:** Kinda like you. 

Swivel to Kelso and Fez. 

**Kelso:** It wasn’t a small dog. It was a big one, like Scooby-Doo!

**Fez:** And Kelso pushed me to the side so he could pet the dog. He does not care about me at all!

**Kelso:** That’s not true! You’re the best, man!

Kelso gives Fez a one-armed hug. Swivel to Donna and Eric, who is laughing. 

**Eric:** Woah, when did I get this bag of chips?

Swivel to Leo. 

**Leo:** Hey, wait, weren’t you in Chicago? You’re the girl that Hyde’s in love with, right?

Swivel to Hyde and Jackie. 

**Jackie:** I am the girl that Hyde is in love with. 

**Hyde:** Yep. There's no escape. 

~

Kitty, Red, Bob and W.B. are chatting in the living room. 

**Red:** Where did all the kids go? It’s their party, for pete’s sake. 

**W.B.:** They probably didn't want to be around us old people. 

**Kitty:** Who are you calling old? I am not old. 

**Bob:** You kinda are, Kitty. 

Kitty gapes at Bob. 

**Kitty:** You wear a toupee, stop criticizing my age. 

She walks away. W.B. stares at Bob’s hair. 

**W.B.:** You chose to get hair like that?


	7. Episode Seven - She Said She Said

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fez joins Kelso for police duty. Hyde helps Eric get a job. Jackie and Donna have a girls’ day.

Everyone is in the basement. Hyde is sitting in his chair, Jackie is sitting on the couch, Eric is sitting next to Jackie and Kelso is sitting in the lawn chair. A Monopoly board is open on the table. Donna and Fez stand behind the couch.

 **Jackie:** Okay, Eric, you landed on Boardwalk with a hotel, so you owe me… two thousand dollars!

 **Donna:** Aw, Jackie is crushing you. 

**Eric:** It’s okay. If I just mortgage Marvin Gardens and St. Charles Place, plus give her all of my cash… All I have left is Baltic Avenue. 

**Fez:** Oh, Eric… you are doing worse than Kelso. 

Eric hands Jackie the money and gives Kelso the dice. 

**Kelso:** No sixes, no sixes, no sixes…

Kelso rolls.

 **Kelso:** YES!

Kelso moves his piece. 

**Kelso:** I will buy the green one, please. 

Donna hands him the card and takes his money. Kelso hands the dice to Hyde. Hyde rolls and groans. He moves his piece to Boardwalk. 

**Hyde:** How much do I owe you, Jackie?

 **Jackie:** One kiss!

 **Eric:** What? How come he doesn’t have to pay?

 **Jackie:** He’s my fiance. All he owes me is one good kiss. 

**Hyde:** I can do that. 

Hyde kisses her. 

**Jackie:** Enjoy your stay at the Jackie hotel on Boardwalk. 

**Eric:** This game sucks. 

**Fez:** I'll help you out. 

Fez flips the board over and everyone groans. 

~ Intro ~

Hyde and Eric walk into the Holiday Hotel kitchen. Hyde rings the bell on the counter. Roy walks in. 

**Roy:** Steven! I knew you wouldn’t abandon me forever! Okay, well, I thought you did. But here you are!

 **Hyde:** Aw, come on, I wouldn’t leave you forever. 

**Eric:** Neither would I!

 **Roy:** Oh, and you brought Eric! It’s just like the old days!

 **Hyde:** Yeah, about that… Forman here needs a job. Do you think you could hire him back? 

**Roy:** Sure. We need a waiter. Or a chef, if you wanna do that. 

**Eric:** I can't cook, so I'd love to be a waiter again!

 **Roy:** Cool! I’ll go get the paperwork!

Roy leaves the room. 

**Hyde:** That was so easy. You probably didn’t even need me. 

**Eric:** No, I didn't. 

~

Jackie and Donna sit in the basement together. 

**Donna:** So, what do you wanna do while the boys are gone? 

**Jackie:** We could go shopping! You really need to get an actual dress. 

**Donna:** I have dresses. 

**Jackie:** Not nice ones. 

**Donna:** But I don’t wear dresses that often. 

**Jackie:** Which is exactly why you need to get some dresses!

 **Donna:** Fine, let’s go to the mall. 

~

Kelso and Fez sit in a cop car. Kelso is in uniform and sitting in the driver’s seat. 

**Fez:** I still cannot believe they let you take a cop car. 

**Kelso:** They had to. To graduate from the police academy, I have to do a few hours of duty. Basically, we just have to drive around and watch for crimes. 

**Fez:** That sounds boring. 

**Kelso:** I gotta do it if I wanna be a cop. 

**Fez:** Well, at least you have me to accompany you. 

**Kelso:** Yeah, about that… I wasn’t really supposed to bring you, so if you see another cop car just get down. 

~

Red and Kitty sit in the living room. 

**Kitty:** It’s so weird having the house empty. Red, I don’t know if I’m ready for all the kids to leave. 

**Red:** Kitty, you’re just not used to the empty house. It will get better once you grow accustomed to the quiet. 

**Kitty:** But I like having the kids around. 

**Red:** I don’t.

Kitty gives him a look. 

**Red:** Because I like when it’s just you and me, darling. 

**Kitty:** Oh, that’s sweet. 

They sit in silence for a moment. 

**Kitty:** What are we going to do all day with no kids to take care of?

 **Red:** We still have work. And I’m sure the kids will be over here all the time anyways, since they’re all useless dumbasses. 

**Kitty:** You’re right, Red. The kids may not be sleeping here, but I’m sure they’ll be around all the time anyway!

 **Red:** Oh, great. 

~

Roy walks into the kitchen. Eric is standing and Hyde is sitting on the counter. 

**Roy:** Alright, you just need to sign a few things on this. 

Eric takes a few papers from Roy and starts signing. 

**Roy:** So, Hyde, what’s new with you? 

**Hyde:** I got engaged, man. 

**Roy:** Oh, really? I wish I was engaged. I wish a girl would even look at me for longer than two seconds. 

**Hyde:** You’ll get there, man. You just need to find a girl who’s never talked to anyone else in her entire life. Then you’ll be on the same social level. 

**Eric:** Or maybe you’ll luck out and find yourself a Donna. 

**Roy:** Are you saying I should only hit on girls named Donna?

 **Eric:** No. I’m saying that my girlfriend, Donna, is out of my league but she loves me anyway. You need to find someone like that. 

**Roy:** Yeah. So, can you give me Donna’s number? 

**Eric:** No. Donna’s my girlfriend. 

**Roy:** Right. I’m sorry. 

**Hyde:** You know what you need, Roy?

~

Circle in the kitchen. Focus on Roy. 

**Roy:** You’re right, this is what I needed. 

Swivel to Hyde. 

**Hyde:** You just need to relax, man. Stop caring so much. 

Swivel back to Roy. 

**Roy:** You think if I did that I could get a girlfriend? You’re engaged, how did you do it?

Swivel to Hyde. 

**Hyde:** I have no idea, man. One day me and Jackie hated each other and the next we were making out on Forman’s couch. 

Swivel to Eric. 

**Eric:** Yeah, man, it was horrifying. Donna and I walked in on them and it was scarring. 

Swivel to Roy. 

**Roy:** No one’s ever walked in on me making out with a girl. Probably because I’ve never made out with a girl. And I don’t have any friends who could walk in on me. 

Swivel to Hyde. 

**Hyde:** We need to find you some friends. It’s so depressing hanging out with you. 

Swivel to Eric. 

**Eric:** You know who Roy could be friends with? Leo! That would be wild, man. 

Swivel to Roy. 

**Roy:** Who’s Leo? Is she nice?

~

Donna and Jackie stand in a dress shop in the mall. Jackie has several hangers on her arms and Donna has one. 

**Jackie:** Ooh, what about this green dress? 

**Donna:** Too sparkly. 

**Jackie:** Ugh, Donna, you have to give me something to work with here! You only have one dress and it’s not that pretty. 

**Donna:** Gee, thanks. 

**Jackie:** I’m just trying to help you out, Donna. 

**Donna:** Let’s make a deal. You can pick out any dress you want and I’ll wear it tonight-

Jackie smiles. 

**Donna:** -but only if you buy yourself a plaid shirt and wear it tonight as well. 

Jackie’s smile falls. 

**Jackie:** You know what? Fine. I can pull off a plaid shirt. In fact, I will look fabulous. I’m going to go find you a dress that makes you look so pretty Eric will jump you right then and there. 

**Donna:** That’s the spirit. 

~

Red and Kitty sit at the kitchen table playing cards. 

**Kitty:** Got any sevens?

 **Red:** Kitty, this is the third turn in a row you’ve asked me for sevens. I still don’t have any. Go fish!

 **Kitty:** Well excuse me for trying. 

Kitty picks up a card. 

**Red:** Got any queens? 

**Kitty:** Just me. 

Kitty laughs. 

**Kitty:** Go fish!

 **Red:** Is this really the most interesting thing we can do while the house is empty?

 **Kitty:** Well…

Kitty and Red look at each other. Then they rush out of the room. 

~

Kelso and Fez are still in the cop car, but now they have sodas. 

**Fez:** Do you see any crime? 

**Kelso:** No… Do you?

 **Fez:** None at all. 

**Kelso:** Man, I wish there was more crime in this town. 

**Fez:** If you want crime, just follow Hyde. I am sure he is doing something illegal. 

**Kelso:** Yeah, that’s true. But I can’t bust Hyde. Jackie would kill me. 

**Fez:** Why are you looking for crime? Do you get extra points on your test or something?

 **Kelso:** No, I just think it’ll help me prove myself to the police academy guys. And, y’know, Brooke might be proud of me if I frisk a guy. 

**Fez:** Yes, she would be proud. Do you want me to do something illegal so you can frisk me?

 **Kelso:** You’d do that for me? 

**Fez:** No. 

**Kelso:** Fine. It doesn’t matter anyway, because my watch hours are over. Let’s go home. 

~

The boys sit in the basement. Hyde sits in his chair, Eric sits on top of the deep freeze, Kelso sits with Fez on the couch. 

**Eric:** So what did you guys do while I was getting a job?

 **Kelso:** We went on patrol. 

**Fez:** I thought about doing something illegal. 

**Kelso:** But then he wussed out. 

**Fez:** Shut up! 

The door to the basement opens. Jackie walks in wearing a plaid shirt tied up in a sexy knot and a corduroy skirt. 

**Hyde:** Jackie, you look beautiful. 

**Jackie:** Aww, thank you, Steven. Eric, prepare yourself to see your girlfriend in the most jaw-dropping outfit you have ever laid eyes on. Donna!

Donna walks in wearing a beautiful blue dress. Kelso and Fez start clapping. Eric’s jaw drops. Hyde hasn’t taken his eyes off Jackie. 

**Donna:** Well, what do you think?

 **Kelso:** Amazing!

 **Fez:** Super sexy.

 **Eric:** Donna, I- Can we go up to my room? 

Donna smiles and looks at Jackie. Jackie gives her an ‘I told you so’ look. 

**Donna:** Yeah, let’s go. 

Eric and Donna go upstairs. Jackie walks over to Hyde. 

**Jackie:** So, you like the plaid? It was the only way I could get Donna to wear the dress. 

**Hyde:** This is one of the sexiest things you’ve ever worn. 

Jackie laughs. She sits down on Hyde’s lap. 

**Kelso:** Oh, now that’s a lie. The sexiest thing Jackie ever wore was that bikini the summer she was deciding between you and me. 

**Fez:** Ooh, yes. Remember when her and Donna suntanned in the driveway? 

**Kelso:** Aw, yeah. 

**Hyde:** Both of you need to shut the hell up about my girlfriend’s body. 

**Jackie:** Fiance. 

**Hyde:** My _fiance’s_ body. Hey, that felt good to say. 

**Jackie:** It sounded so sexy coming out of your mouth. 

Jackie leans down and kisses Hyde. 

**Kelso:** Hey, we’re still here!

Hyde and Jackie part. 

**Hyde:** Wanna take this to my room?

 **Jackie:** Yes. 

They get up and walk back to Hyde’s room. Kelso and Fez look at each other. 

~

Red and Kitty sit in bed together. Kitty is doing a crossword puzzle. Red is reading the newspaper. 

**Kitty:** You know, I don’t think living without the kids will be so bad. I’ve got you, and that’s all I need. 

**Red:** Good. Because Eric is leaving in exactly three days, four hours and twenty-eight minutes. 

**Kitty:** You’re counting the minutes?

 **Red:** Kitty, I’ve been waiting for Eric to move out since he turned seven. He backed out of moving twice already. I can’t wait for him to get out. 

Kitty shakes her head and focuses on her crossword puzzle. 

~

Eric and Donna stand in Eric’s room. Eric has his hands on Donna’s waist. 

**Eric:** You definitely need to wear this dress more. 

**Donna:** When Jackie picked it out, I had my doubts. But now, I love the dress. 

**Eric:** Sweet. You know, you should really just wear dresses more often anyway. 

**Donna:** What? Why?

 **Eric:** Because you never dress feminine. You’re always wearing pants. I want to see your legs once in a while, Donna. 

Donna gives him a dirty look and leaves the room. 

**Eric:** What did I say?

~

Donna stomps into the basement, where Kelso and Fez are playing cards on the couch. 

**Donna:** Ugh!

Donna sits down in the chair. Kelso lowers his cards and looks at Donna. 

**Kelso:** Donna, we’re kinda in the middle of something. Jackie is in Hyde’s room, go talk to her. 

Donna glares at him, but stands and walks over to Hyde’s room. 

**Donna:** Jackie, I need to talk to you.

The door to Hyde’s room opens and Hyde sticks his head out. He stares at Donna for a moment. 

**Hyde:** Since when are you wearing a dress? 

**Donna:** Since I got here. You didn’t notice?

 **Hyde:** Nah, man. All I remember from earlier is…

Flashback to earlier. Jackie walks in. 

**Hyde:** Jackie, you look beautiful. 

**Jackie:** Aww, thank you, Steven. 

Jackie’s mouth keeps moving, but no sound comes out. Everything around Jackie blurs out. Back to Hyde and Donna near Hyde’s room. 

**Hyde:** And that’s it. Anyway, can whatever you’re here for wait? 

**Donna:** Eric said something stupid. 

**Hyde:** Forman screwed himself? What a surprise! It’s only the billionth time he’s done that!

Jackie sticks her head out under Hyde’s. 

**Jackie:** Wait, what? 

**Donna:** Eric said I should dress more feminine. 

Jackie and Hyde sigh. 

**Hyde:** It’s the same thing every time. 

**Jackie:** Eric says something stupid, you complain to us, the two of you fight and he eventually apologizes. 

**Hyde:** At least twice a week this happens. 

**Donna:** Do we really fight that often? 

**Jackie and Hyde:** Yes. 

**Donna:** Well, that’s fine, right? I mean, isn’t fighting good for a relationship? 

Jackie and Hyde start laughing. 

**Jackie:** Not the kind of fighting you’re doing. When Steven and I fight, we get into a debate and see who’s actually right. Eric just wants you to stop being mad, so he apologizes. 

**Donna:** But I’m always right. 

**Jackie:** Yeah, but it doesn’t matter. You have to talk about it so he realizes why he’s wrong. 

**Hyde:** Exactly. He has no idea why you’re mad at him right now, but he’ll come running down those stairs in a few seconds begging for forgiveness. 

Eric comes down the stairs then. 

**Eric:** Donna, look, I’m sorry, I didn't mean it. 

Hyde nods. 

**Hyde:** Now you’re going to accept his apology and you’ll be back to normal. See you tomorrow. Jackie?

Hyde goes back into his room. 

**Jackie:** Talk it out. 

Jackie goes into Hyde’s room as well. Donna walks over to Eric. 

**Eric:** Look, Donna-

 **Donna:** Shut up. We’re gonna talk about this, okay? You’re not just gonna apologize so everything goes back to normal. 

**Eric:** You want to _talk?_ While you look like _that?_

Donna pauses for a moment. 

**Donna:** You know what, we can talk tomorrow. 

**Eric:** Sweet. 

Eric and Donna go upstairs. Kelso and Fez are still playing cards. 

**Fez:** Do you have any fours?

 **Kelso:** Go fish. 

**Fez:** Why is it called go fish? There are no fish!

~

Eric and Donna are kissing under the blankets in Eric’s bed. The door to Eric’s room opens and Kitty starts to enter. 

**Kitty:** Eric, sweetie, could you-

She notices what’s going on in Eric’s bed. 

**Kitty:** Ahhh!

She covers her eyes. Donna and Eric scream. 

**Eric:** Mom, get out of my room!

 **Donna:** Why didn't you lock the door, Eric? 

**Eric:** I forgot!

 **Kitty:** Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear…

Kitty leaves the room in a hurry. Eric and Donna look at each other, shocked. 

**Donna:** I don’t know about you, but that kind of killed the mood. 

**Eric:** Oh man, I can never look my mother in the eye again. 

**Donna:** Never.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is kind of a filler episode sorry
> 
> anyway i'm now taking prompts on tumblr at springsteenicious! send me an ask with a jackie/hyde prompt and i'll write you a fic!


	8. Episode Eight - She's Leaving Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eric, Donna, Hyde and Jackie move into the new house. Fez hangs out with his new friend.

Kitty, Hyde and Eric are sitting at the table eating breakfast. Red enters, smiling. 

**Red:** Today’s the day! You’re finally leaving!

**Eric:** Oh yeah, it’s every good parent’s favorite day: the day their only son moves out. 

**Red:** Shut up, dumbass. 

**Eric:** But you only have a few more hours to listen to my smart mouth. Don’t you just wanna savor every second of it?

**Hyde:** I know I do. 

**Kitty:** You don’t have to, you still get to live with him. 

**Hyde:** You’re right, Mrs. Forman. Y’know, I should start calling him dumbass and threatening to put my foot in his ass. That way it’ll feel like he never left. 

**Eric:** Oh, that’d be swell. 

**Red:** No, Steven, only I do that. You can start doing that when you have dumbass kids of your own. 

**Eric:** Assuming you and Jackie don’t accidentally kill your kids first. 

**Kitty:** Oh, now why would they do that? Nevermind. I just can’t believe my baby boy is really leaving today!

**Eric:** Well, you see, it was actually an elaborate prank. I’m not moving out. 

**Red:** Don’t you dare joke about that. If you’re not out of my house by the end of the day, I’ll kill you. 

**Eric:** With a dad like you, why would I ever want to leave?

**Red:** Shut up and eat your breakfast. It’s the last one you’ll get to eat in this house. 

**Kitty:** Don’t listen to him! You are welcome for breakfast anytime!

**Eric:** Thanks, mommy. I’m glad to know you still love me. 

**Kitty:** Of course I love you. And I love you too, Steven.

**Hyde:** Love you too, Mrs. Forman.

**Kitty:** Oh, both my boys are leaving!

Kitty starts crying. 

~ Intro ~

Donna and Fez stand in the radio station. Tracy sits in one of the chairs with her feet up on the table. 

**Donna:** Fez, thank you so much for covering me while I move today. I left a list of everything you need to do on the table over there. 

**Fez:** Oh, it is no problem. I love hanging out here. Especially if Tracy is here. 

**Tracy:** Get bent, perv. 

**Fez:** We will have fun. 

**Donna:** Yeah. I have to head out, but I’ll see you around four, okay?

**Fez:** See you later. 

**Tracy:** Later, Donna. 

Donna waves and leaves. Fez turns to Tracy. 

**Fez:** So, what do you want to do?

**Tracy:** You should probably do your work. 

**Fez:** Good idea. 

Fez gets the list. 

**Fez:** First I have to organize the new records. Where are those?

Tracy stands up and gets a huge bin. She puts it on the table in front of Fez. 

**Tracy:** Alphabetical by band name. Get sorting. 

Tracy pats him on the back and walks away.

~

Hyde and Jackie are making out on the couch in the basement. Eric and Donna walk in. 

**Eric:** Oh come on, not again! I’ve already been blinded once...

**Donna:** Seriously, you guys?

Hyde pulls away from Jackie. Jackie looks up at them. 

**Jackie:** This couch is where our love was born! Let us make out here one last time!

**Eric:** We’re taking the couch with us!

**Jackie:** But this basement is where I fell for Steven and where he fell for me. Our love blossomed in this room and on this couch. 

**Hyde:** Is that a euphemism?

**Jackie:** No, what would- Oh, Steven!

She hits him on the arm and he laughs. 

**Eric:** First of all, gross. Second, I can respect that. Donna, wanna make out in my room? 

**Donna:** No, I wanna pack up the rest of our stuff. 

**Eric:** But it’s our last chance to make out on my tiny bed! 

**Donna:** Really, it’s fine. 

**Hyde:** Can you two decide what you’re doing and get out of here?

**Eric:** Yeah, sorry. 

They leave the basement. Hyde and Jackie resume making out. After a few seconds, Eric and Donna come back in. 

**Eric:** Forgot to get the chairs. We were packing up the chairs. 

**Donna:** Don’t mind us. 

They grab the chairs and leave. 

~

Kelso stands in the kitchen with Eric and Donna. 

**Kelso:** I still can’t believe you guys are moving! I can’t play on peoples’ swing sets when I’m backyard-hopping to get over here anymore!

**Donna:** You’ll have new backyards to run through on the way to the new house. 

**Kelso:** Ooh, yeah. Do any of your neighbors have jungle gyms? 

**Eric:** Not that I know of. 

Hyde and Jackie walk in. 

**Hyde:** You can pack up the couch now. 

**Eric:** Great. 

**Kelso:** It’s gonna be so weird having all the basement furniture in a different house!

**Jackie:** Yeah. I can’t believe we’re gonna have all that crappy furniture in our living room. 

**Donna:** It’s not like we’re inviting tons of people over. 

**Jackie:** What if our neighbors come over to welcome us to the neighborhood? They’re gonna see our furniture and think we’re poor!

**Eric:** We are poor. 

**Jackie:** I may be literally poor, but I still have a rich spirit. 

**Hyde:** What does that even mean? 

**Jackie:** It means I still appreciate it when you buy me things. 

**Hyde:** Your ‘rich spirit’ is going to be sorely disappointed. 

**Eric:** Jackie, I really don’t think any of our neighbors are gonna want to talk to you. 

**Jackie:** Why? 

**Eric:** Because they’ll already be able to hear you from their houses. 

**Kelso:** BURN!

Red and Kitty enter. 

**Kitty:** Alright, kids, got everything packed?

**Eric:** Almost. Just the couch and a few other things from my room.

**Donna:** Yeah… I’m gonna go tell my dad we’re leaving soon. 

Donna leaves. 

**Red:** Kelso, wanna help me with the couch?

**Kelso:** Not really. 

**Red:** That wasn’t a question, son. 

**Kelso:** But you asked me if-

**Eric:** Kelso, help him move the couch. 

**Kelso:** Fine. 

Red and Kelso walk out. Kitty walks over to the kids. 

**Kitty:** I am going to miss you all so much!

**Jackie:** We’ll still visit, Mrs. Forman. I’m sure Eric left at least one or two lego bricks here. 

**Eric:** Joke’s on you, I triple checked all of my sets! 

**Jackie:** Whatever. Just keep all your toys in you and Donna’s room. 

**Eric:** Oh, I will!

**Hyde:** Living with you two is gonna be just peachy, isn’t it?

**Kitty:** It’ll give you a chance to work on your mediation skills. 

**Eric:** I’m gonna go get the rest of the stuff from my room. 

Eric leaves. 

**Jackie:** I’ll go check the basement one last time. 

Jackie leaves. Hyde turns to Kitty. 

**Hyde:** Mrs. Forman, I just wanted to thank you. For letting me stay here and everything. I really appreciate it. 

**Kitty:** Oh, honey, I loved having you here! We all did. Except Laurie. 

Hyde laughs. Kitty pulls him into a tight hug. 

~

Fez and Tracy are sorting through records at the radio station. Fez looks at Tracy. 

**Fez:** You are very attractive. 

**Tracy:** Would you stop hitting on me? I'm not interested. 

**Fez:** If I keep trying, you will cave eventually. 

**Tracy:** That's not how women work. 

**Fez:** How do you know?

**Tracy:** I am a woman. 

**Fez:** But you are not like other women. You are prettier. 

**Tracy:** _Stop hitting on me!_

**Fez:** But I want to be with you! And Kelso said if I keep pushing, girls will do whatever I want. 

**Tracy:** Kelso seems like an idiot. If a girl says no, she means no. You have so much to learn about women. 

**Fez:** Really? 

**Tracy:** Yeah. You know, your creepy, pushy behavior is why girls won’t go out with you. 

**Fez:** Are you saying I could be with more girls if I tried less?

**Tracy:** Yeah. 

**Fez:** Teach me your ways.

~

Hyde, Jackie, Eric, Donna, Kitty, Red and Bob stand in the new house's kitchen. The table and chairs don't match the rest of the room. 

**Bob:** I hope you guys like the table and chairs I got ya. They'll last you a long time. 

**Donna:** They're great, dad. 

**Eric:** Yeah, the new trend is to have mismatched furniture. 

Donna smacks his arm. 

**Bob:** I'm glad you let me buy you some good furniture. It was fun shopping for things! Your dining room table will last forever. 

**Jackie:** Forever? 

**Bob:** Hopefully. 

Jackie lets out a pained noise and buries her face into Hyde's shoulder. He pats her on the back. 

**Hyde:** You wanna come with me and get started on setting up our room, doll?

Jackie looks up at him. 

**Jackie:** Yes, please. 

They leave the room. 

**Eric:** They're taking the one with the scary ceiling light, right?

**Donna:** Yeah, I think so. 

**Eric:** Good. 

**Kitty:** Are you sure you have everything? What if your phones don't work and you can't call us for help?

Red walks over and picks up the phone on the wall. He holds it to his ear, then puts it back. 

**Red:** The phone works just fine, Kitty. 

**Kitty:** What if there's an emergency? What if we can't get here fast enough? We live so far away!

**Red:** They're all adults now, they'll be fine. 

**Eric:** Since when are we adults?

**Red:** _You're_ not. The rest of them are. 

**Bob:** You guys are gonna do just fine on your own. Just make sure you call me every other day, okay?

**Donna:** I will, dad. 

**Red:** Is there anything else heavy I have to bring in? Or can I go home?

**Eric:** Actually, we decided you guys should stay for our first dinner in the new house. Hyde is making chicken parmesan. 

**Kitty:** Oh, that's so exciting! We'd love to stay!

~

Hyde and Jackie stand in the middle of their room. The walls are a dark green, twinkle lights are strung around the walls, unlit candles are placed on the night stands and shelves around the room. A few band posters are up on one wall, near the closet. Jackie's flower pillows sit on the bed. 

**Jackie:** I love our room. 

**Hyde:** Yeah. My favorite part is that I get to share it with you. 

**Jackie:** Aw, Puddin'!

Jackie kisses him. 

**Hyde:** As much as I'd love to spend the day in our room with you, I really want to see Forman and Donna's room. 

**Jackie:** Yeah, me too. 

~

Hyde and Jackie walk into Donna and Eric's room. The walls are blue. Donna's posters are up on one wall. Several shelves on a different wall are filled with G.I. Joe dolls and Star Wars action figures. Donna and Eric are unpacking books and putting them on a small bookcase by the bed. 

**Hyde:** I can't believe you actually put Forman's dolls on shelves. 

**Eric:** Action figures!

**Jackie:** They are dolls, Eric. Just accept it. 

**Eric:** They. Are not. _Dolls!_

**Donna:** Eric, babe, drop it.

**Eric:** Fine. 

**Donna:** You guys finish setting up your room?

**Jackie:** Yes! It's perfect!

**Hyde:** And we put as few pink items as possible in there. 

Kelso enters the room. 

**Kelso:** Jackie, why do you need so many candles in you and Hyde's room? Don't you have lights?

Hyde claps Kelso on the shoulder. 

**Hyde:** Man, you're an idiot. 

**Kelso:** I just asked a question!

Hyde whispers something in Kelso's ear. Kelso gasps. 

~

Fez and Tracy sit at a table. Fez is holding a notepad and pencil. 

**Fez:** So, if a woman says no, I should stop hitting on her?

**Tracy:** Yes. 

**Fez:** What if she changes her mind? How will I know?

**Tracy:** You'll know when the girl starts expressing interest in you. Y'know, when she starts flirting with you. 

**Fez:** So if she flirts with me, I can start hitting on her again. 

**Tracy:** You got it. 

**Fez:** Thank you for teaching me, Tracy. I will stop hitting on you. But, keep in mind that I like you very much and will not say no to anything romantic or sexual you offer me. 

**Tracy:** Trust me, I'm not offering you anything. 

~

W.B. stands in the middle of Hyde, Jackie, Eric and Donna's living room. The basement furniture is set up exactly as it was in the basement.

**W.B.:** Steven, as a housewarming gift I am going to get you some new furniture. 

**Hyde:** Oh, you don't have to do that. This stuff works just fine. 

**W.B.:** The couch and that chair have duct tape on them. I'll get you a new couch and two chairs. 

**Jackie:** Thank you, Mr. Barnett. I really didn't want this ratty furniture in my living room. 

**Eric:** Well, Red'll be glad that he gets to move all the furniture back to his house eventually. 

**Donna:** Maybe don't tell him that?

Red enters the room. 

**Red:** Don't tell who what?

**Eric:** Don't tell Bob we think the kitchen chairs are ugly. 

Bob walks in. 

**Bob:** You think the chairs are ugly?

**Eric:** No! No, we love the chairs. Hyde, we should get started on dinner. 

**Hyde:** Sure. 

~

Everyone is seated at the dining room table. Red and Kitty sit on the ends of the table. Hyde, Jackie, Kelso and W.B sit on one side. Donna, Eric, Fez and Bob sit on the other.

**Hyde:** So, Donna, how long do you think Forman's dolls are gonna stay on those shelves before you get sick of them? 

**Donna:** Hey, I don't mind them. They make Eric happy, and that makes me happy.

**Red:** You let him put toys in your room? Aren't you all trying to be adults?

**Kitty:** Oh, Red, I think it's sweet. Besides, Eric doesn't sleep well without his G.I. Joes. 

**Bob:** That's just weird. 

Everyone is quiet for a moment. 

**Fez:** Who picked out this table?

**Bob:** I did! Don't you love it?

**Fez:** No, it is very ugly. I am sorry, Bob. 

**Bob:** Aw, that's alright. I appreciate the honesty. Besides, all that matters is that the kids living here love it!

Jackie opens her mouth to say something, but Hyde shakes his head. 

**Hyde:** The table's great, Bob. 

**Bob:** Thanks, Hyde. 

~

Eric is washing dishes. Donna is drying the washed dishes and putting them back. 

**Eric:** It took us a year, but we're finally living together. 

**Donna:** I know. It'll be about a month before I get sick of you. 

**Eric:** I was thinking more like two weeks. 

Donna laughs. 

**Eric:** But, um… I was thinking, maybe after Hyde and Jackie's wedding… we could move out and get a place for ourselves. Or maybe we could travel. 

**Donna:** That sounds great. I'd love to travel and go sightseeing with you. 

Eric steps away from the sink and kisses Donna. Jackie walks in. 

**Jackie:** Ugh, you're supposed to be washing the dishes, not shoving your tongue down Donna's throat!

Eric pulls away from Donna and looks at Jackie. 

**Eric:** And you were supposed to be moving the couch, not shoving your tongue down Hyde's throat!

Jackie glares at him, then leaves. 

**Donna:** We really should be washing the dishes, though. 

**Eric:** Fine. 

~

Kelso and Fez stand in the living room with Hyde. 

**Kelso:** Man, your house is nice! Not as nice as our apartment though. 

**Hyde:** Whatever you say, man. 

**Fez:** Kelso, this house is way nicer than our apartment! Why would you lie to yourself?

**Kelso:** I like our apartment! I've done it with a bunch of chicks in our apartment. I haven't done it with anyone in this house. 

**Hyde:** And hopefully you never will. 

**Kelso:** Oh, I definitely will. 

**Fez:** Yes. Do not underestimate his ability to do it wherever he wants. 

**Hyde:** Don't have sex in my house. 

**Kelso:** Fine!

Kelso leans closer to Fez and loudly whispers. 

**Kelso:** I will! 

Hyde punches Kelso in the shoulder. 

~  
Red and Kitty stand outside the house. 

**Kitty:** Oh, I hope they'll be alright. 

**Red:** They're gonna be fine, Kitty. The house is great. 

**Kitty:** It is a pretty nice house. 

**Red:** And if they need anything, I'm sure we're the first people they're going to call. 

**Kitty:** That's true. 

**Red:** I wish those dumbasses weren't so reliant on us. 

**Kitty:** I'm glad they are. It makes me feel important. Like the president of mothers. 

Kitty laughs. 

~

The gang sits in the living room. Jackie is sitting in Hyde's lap in his chair. Eric, Donna and Kelso are sitting on the couch and Fez is in the lawn chair. 

**Fez:** The only thing that has changed is our location. This is exactly like the basement. Same furniture, same television, same seats. Nothing ever changes!

**Hyde:** One thing changed. This is a new episode of _Charlie's Angels._

**Kelso:** No, it's not. I watched this with Fez yesterday. I remember 'cause we talked about her boobs. 

Kelso points to the television. 

**Eric:** We're in a different house, that's enough change for me. 

Everyone shrugs and nods in agreement. 

__________________________________

[In-depth descriptions of the house](https://springsteenicious.tumblr.com/post/627070054422446080/in-depth-descriptions-of-the-house)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you have any ideas for scenes/storylines that you want to see in the season 8rewrite, comment below or send me an ask on tumblr at springsteenicious! I will write it in!


	9. Episode Nine - When I Get Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jackie and Eric adjust to living together. Tracy invites Fez and Kelso to a radio contest she is hosting. Kitty adjusts to the empty house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really loved writing this episode so i hope you enjoy it as much as i do

Jackie and Hyde lay in their bed together. Jackie gets up. She is wearing pajama pants and the Led Zeppelin shirt Hyde gave her.

**Jackie:** I'm gonna use the bathroom. Be right back. 

**Hyde:** M'kay. 

Jackie walks out of the room. 

~

In the hallway, Jackie walks towards the bathroom. A few feet away, Eric leaves his room and walks towards the bathroom. He is completely naked. Jackie sees him. 

**Jackie:** AHHHHHHH!

**Eric:** AHHH!

Eric covers his crotch with his hands. Hyde and Donna rush out of their rooms. 

**Hyde:** Jackie, are you alright?

Hyde sees Eric. 

**Hyde:** Aw, come on, Forman!

**Jackie:** I saw his- his _thing!_

**Donna:** Eric, I told you to put on some pants before you went to the bathroom!

**Eric:** I didn't think anyone else would be up!

**Jackie:** I can't believe Donna has been having sex with you for this long!

Hyde laughs. Eric rushes back into his room. Donna shakes her head and follows him. 

**Hyde:** You alright, doll?

**Jackie:** No! That was scarring!

**Hyde:** I think you'll be alright. 

**Jackie:** I won't!

~ Intro ~

Jackie and Eric sit at the kitchen table, facing away from each other. Hyde and Donna enter. Hyde sits down next to Jackie and Donna sits next to Eric. 

**Donna:** Good morning. 

**Hyde:** I see you two are talkative today. 

**Jackie:** I can't look at him without seeing… _it._

**Eric:** My life is so stupid. Of all the people in this house to run into naked at two A.M., it just had to be Jackie. 

**Hyde:** I think Donna's the only one in this house that really wants to see you naked. 

**Donna:** That's true. 

The phone rings. Hyde gets up and picks up the phone. Split screen with Hyde on one side and Red on the other. 

**Red:** Hi. Kitty wants to know how your first night in the house was. 

**Hyde:** It was great. Mr. Nude made another appearance. 

**Red:** Oh, come on! Put the dumbass on. 

Hyde covers the mouthpiece. 

**Hyde:** Eric, it's for you!

Eric walks over and takes the phone. Hyde walks away. 

**Eric:** Hello?

**Red:** Hello, Mr. Nude. 

**Eric:** Hey, dad. 

**Red:** What is wrong with you?

**Eric:** I'm a dumbass?

**Red:** There you go. For once, you know something. 

**Eric:** Did you want something or did you call just to yell at me?

**Red:** Your mother wants to know how the first night in the house went. From what Steven told me, it doesn't sound good. 

**Eric:** Funny story- _true_ story- See, the heater in our room broke, so I took off my pants-

**Red:** I don't want to hear that crap. I don't care. I'll tell your mother you're fine. 

**Eric:** Yep. 

Red hangs up. Eric puts the phone down and sits at the kitchen table again. He buries his face in his arms. 

**Hyde:** So, you getting a foot in the ass or what?

Eric groans in response.

~

Tracy leads Fez and Kelso across a makeshift dance floor to a table with a record player and microphone. 

**Fez:** Explain the contest to me again. I find it very hard to pay attention when you are wearing that red lipstick. 

Tracy glares at him. 

**Tracy:** The contest is freeze dance. The winner gets a brand new box set of Led Zeppelin albums. 

**Kelso:** Aw, nice! I'm gonna win! ...How do you play freeze dance?

**Tracy:** I'll be at this table, playing music. When I stop the record, everyone stops dancing. Fez will go around and check that no one is moving. I'll start the record again and everyone starts dancing. 

**Kelso:** That's awesome! I'm totally gonna win!

**Tracy:** We'll see. 

~

Hyde sits on the couch in the living room. Jackie runs in, clutching a magazine. 

**Jackie:** I got my first bridal magazine!

Jackie jumps up and down a few times, then sits next to Hyde. 

**Hyde:** That's cool. 

Jackie starts flipping through the magazine. 

**Jackie:** This means we can really start planning our wedding!

Hyde smiles at her. She continues to flip through the magazine excitedly. 

**Jackie:** I decided that you should handle the music and the guest list. I'll do the rest. 

**Hyde:** Sounds good. I do want to help with the registry. I'm not eating off pink unicorn china. Or china with silhouettes of your face. 

**Jackie:** Yeah, okay. Anyway, you should be happy because if you're in charge of the music, you get to pick the song for our first dance as husband and wife!

**Hyde:** Sweet. How about 'All of My Love' by Led Zeppelin?

**Jackie:** Yeah, I like that one!

**Hyde:** Plus, it's true. You have all of my love. 

Jackie smiles and kisses Hyde. 

**Donna:** Aww!

Donna is standing by the door. 

**Hyde:** How long have you been there?

**Donna:** Since 'pink unicorn china.' Good choice for the first dance song. 

Donna walks over and sits in the lawn chair. Jackie and Hyde stare at her. 

**Donna:** What?

**Jackie:** We're having a moment here, Donna! Could you give us some privacy?

**Donna:** It's my living room too. Besides, you have your own room. 

**Jackie:** God, Donna, you're so stupid sometimes!

Jackie stands up and storms upstairs. 

**Hyde:** Oh, great, now you pissed her off!

Hyde follows Jackie upstairs. Donna shrugs. 

~

Red and Kitty sit in their living room. Kitty is looking around forlornly. Red is smiling and reading the newspaper. 

**Red:** Isn't the silence just wonderful?

**Kitty:** Oh, yeah, I can hear the sound of my loneliness. What do I need the kids around here for anyway? I'll be dead soon! 

**Red:** Why don't I make you a drink?

**Kitty:** That would be nice. 

Red gets up and walks over to the bar, where he starts making a drink. 

**Kitty:** Maybe we can take up a new hobby!

**Red:** 'We?' No, Kitty, I don't do 'hobbies.' 

**Kitty:** Hunting is a hobby. 

Red walks over and hands her a drink. 

**Red:** Hunting is something I do when I feel the urge to kill. 

**Kitty:** Well, we'll just sit in this room until we die, huh?

**Red:** Exactly. 

~

Tracy sits at the table with the record player. Dance music is playing. Fez stands behind Tracy. Kelso is dancing with a large group of people on the dance floor. Tracy stops the record. 

**Tracy:** Freeze!

Fez walks around, inspecting. He stops in front of someone who's leg just moved. 

**Fez:** OUT!

The person leaves the dance floor. Fez stops in front of two other people. 

**Fez:** OUT and OUT!

They leave the dance floor. Fez stops in front of Kelso, who is still as a statue. 

**Fez:** Good job!

Fez returns to Tracy's side. She restarts the record. 

~

Hyde is looking through the fridge. Eric sits at the kitchen table. 

**Hyde:** Where are the eggs?

**Eric:** Why do you need eggs?

**Hyde:** Jackie said she wanted deviled eggs. Did you not buy eggs?

Eric stares blankly at the table for a moment. 

**Eric:** You know, I don't think I did. 

**Hyde:** Why not?

**Eric:** It wasn't on the list?

Hyde closes the fridge and looks at Eric. 

**Hyde:** You forgot to bring the list when you went shopping, didn't you?

**Eric:** In my defense, you shouldn't have put me in charge of grocery shopping for our first week of living here. You know how easily I screw up. 

**Hyde:** Just go get some eggs. 

**Eric:** On it!

Eric gets up and runs out of the kitchen. 

~

On the dance floor, only Kelso and two other people are left. Fez has joined them and is dancing with Kelso. Fez is leading Kelso in a showy, upbeat dance (similar to how he danced with Jackie at the disco in season 1). Fez has one of Kelso's hands in his and the other is on Kelso's waist. One of the eliminated contestants walks over to Tracy. 

**Contestant:** Shouldn't you stop the music?

**Tracy:** I would, but this is just so fascinating to watch. 

Fez spins Kelso several times, then dips him. Tracy stops the record and they freeze like that. Tracy walks over to inspect them. She sends one of the other contestants out. 

**Tracy:** Fantastic dip, boys. 

**Fez:** Thank you. 

Tracy smiles and resumes the record. Fez picks up the dance right where they left off. 

~

Red and Kitty sit with Bob in the kitchen playing cards. 

**Bob:** Do you guys have any puzzles? I've been looking for things to do since I'm all alone in the house now. It's so quiet and lonely. 

**Kitty:** I don't think we have any puzzles, Bob. 

**Bob:** That's alright. I can just watch more television. 

**Red:** Bob, you really need to find a new woman. 

**Bob:** That would be swell. Where could I go to find a new woman?

**Kitty:** I could introduce you to the ladies in my Friday night cribbage class!

**Bob:** Aw, I'd love that! Thanks, Kitty, you're a good friend. 

**Kitty:** Oh, no problem. 

**Red:** And now you'll have something to do instead of just sitting around feeling lonely!

**Kitty:** That's right!

Kitty laughs. 

~

Eric and Donna are making out on the couch, Donna on top of Eric. Eric's shirt is mostly unbuttoned. Eric pulls away for a second. 

**Eric:** Who knew me going out to get eggs would get you in the mood?

**Donna:** Less talking, more kissing. 

**Eric:** Yes, ma'am. 

They continue kissing. Jackie walks in. 

**Jackie:** Oh my god! What is wrong with you two?

Eric and Donna look over at Jackie. 

**Jackie:** Ew! And Eric's shirt is unbuttoned! Were you trying to make love on our couch?

Eric and Donna are quiet for a moment. 

**Eric:** No?

**Jackie:** Are you trying to give me more trauma? I've already seen Eric naked, I don't need to see both of you!

Jackie shakes her head and walks out of the room. Eric and Donna look at each other, then continue making out. 

~

Kelso is dancing aggressively. Only one other contestant is left. Fez is standing off to the side, watching nervously. 

**Kelso:** You're going down, man!

**Contestant:** No, _you're_ going down!

**Kelso:** There's a spider on you!

Tracy stops the record. The contestant thrashes around. 

**Contestant:** Crap, where's the spider?

Fez walks over. 

**Fez:** OUT!

**Tracy:** And Michael Kelso wins WFPP's Freeze Dance Bonanza! Come collect your prize!

**Kelso:** BOOM!

Kelso walks over to Tracy and takes the box set of Led Zeppelin records. 

**Kelso:** That was so much fun! Fez, man you're an amazing dancer!

**Fez:** Thank you. You were an amazing dance partner! 

**Kelso:** When you dipped me, that was magical. 

**Fez:** It really was. 

Tracy looks between the two of them as they stare at each other. 

~

Hyde and Donna sit on the couch, watching TV together. A bowl of popcorn sits between them. Jackie and Eric stand behind the couch, glaring at each other. 

**Jackie:** Why do you have to sleep nude when you sleep in the same bed as Donna?

**Eric:** I don't think that's any of your business!

**Jackie:** It becomes my business when we live in the same house!

**Eric:** Yeah, well, I didn't ask to live with you!

**Hyde:** Donna, you want more popcorn?

**Donna:** No, I'm good. 

**Jackie:** If I see you naked one more time, I'll kick you in the 'nads with my sharpest heels. 

Eric looks scared. His voice gets high. 

**Eric:** Are you serious?

**Jackie:** Deadly. 

Hyde grabs the TV guide and flips through. 

**Hyde:** _Star Trek_ is on. 

**Donna:** Oh, let's watch that. 

Donna stands up and changes the channel. 

**Donna:** We should get a remote for this TV. 

**Jackie:** You know what, Eric? I'm not speaking to you. 

**Eric:** Well, great because I hate talking to you!

**Jackie:** Fine!

**Eric:** Fine!

They turn away from each other and cross their arms. Hyde looks back at them. 

**Hyde:** Did you expect this when you had the idea for us to live together?

**Donna:** No, I didn't. 

~

Red and Kitty sit at the kitchen table, eating dinner. 

**Kitty:** This is the first time in a while we've eaten dinner alone. 

**Red:** I love it. No dumbass kids to interrupt my nice, quiet meal. 

**Kitty:** But I miss my baby boy sitting next to me! And he always loved my pork chops!

**Red:** I'm sure the kids'll be back at some point. They can't stay away that long. 

**Kitty:** You're right. It's just going to take so long to get used to not having my baby boy around!

~

Tracy and Fez stand by the table, packing things up. 

**Tracy:** Fez, can I talk to you?

**Fez:** Have you changed your mind? Are we going on a date?

**Tracy:** No. I just… Well, I was watching you dance with Kelso today and I wanted to ask you something. 

**Fez:** Go ahead. 

**Tracy:** Do you think you might like Kelso?

**Fez:** Of course I like Kelso, he is my best friend!

**Tracy:** No, do you think you might _like_ him? Like, have a crush on him?

Fez gasps. 

**Fez:** Why would you say that?

**Tracy:** You look at him like a lost puppy who just found his owner. 

Fez contemplates that for a moment, then nods his head. 

**Fez:** That is true. But I cannot like Kelso. He is a boy!

**Tracy:** Fez, you can like other men. I like women. 

Fez gasps. 

**Fez:** You are a lesbian?

Tracy nods. 

**Fez:** I knew it! And you like Donna!

**Tracy:** And you like Kelso!

**Fez:** I don't know about _that_. However, I will go home and think about it while I eat a large amount of Sugar Babies. 

Fez starts walking out the door. 

**Tracy:** Let me know how that goes!

~

Jackie and Eric are building the Lego Galaxy Explorer in the living room together. 

**Eric:** Where's the long red piece?

**Jackie:** Here you go. 

Jackie hands him a Lego piece. Hyde and Donna walk in. 

**Hyde:** What is happening?

**Eric:** We're building the Lego Galaxy Explorer. 

**Jackie:** Can you hand me that small gray piece?

Eric gives her the piece. Donna and Hyde look at each other, perplexed. 

**Donna:** You guys were just fighting, like, an hour ago. 

**Jackie:** Yeah, and we made up. God, Donna, follow along!

Hyde walks over and crouches down so he's eye level with Jackie. 

**Hyde:** Jackie, yesterday you said you hated Legos. What kind of drug are you on and where can I get some?

**Jackie:** I'm not on drugs! I am just building a Lego set with Eric. 

**Donna:** Eric, did you drug her?

**Eric:** No! I was building the Lego set, then Jackie came in and started helping me build it. It's fine. 

**Jackie:** Yeah. It's actually kind of fun. 

Hyde and Donna look at each other. 

**Donna:** This is weird. Go back to fighting!

~

Jackie, Hyde, Eric and Donna sit at the Formans' kitchen table. Red glares at them from his seat. Kitty is making breakfast. 

**Red:** It's only been one day. How are you already back for breakfast?

**Donna:** Eric forgot to buy bread. And cereal. And butter. 

**Eric:** I didn't have a list!

**Red:** So Mr. Nude doesn't know how to go grocery shopping? What a surprise! I really thought Mr. Nude would be good at grocery shopping. Well, guess it's not as interesting as being nude. 

Hyde, Jackie and Donna, turn to look at Eric. 

**Eric:** Never mind. 

Kitty walks over. 

**Kitty:** You're welcome to come over for breakfast whenever you'd like, sweetie!

She kisses his forehead. 

~

Fez sits in his apartment, plucking the petals off of a flower. 

**Fez:** I like him…

He plucks a petal.

**Fez:** I like him not…

He continues to pluck petals as he speaks. 

**Fez:** I like him… I like him not…

He plucks the last petal and gasps. 

**Fez:** I like him?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> little survey: my plan is to have kelso and fez get together. please let me know if you would like just fez x kelso or a polyamorous relationship between brooke, fez and kelso


	10. Episode Ten - Drive My Car

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fez confides in an unlikely friend. Jackie finds herself a new job. Donna has an admirer. Hyde and Leo organize a special sale at the record store.

Fez sits in the kitchen in his apartment, eating cereal. Kelso walks in without a shirt on. 

**Fez:** No! I don't want to speak to you!

**Kelso:** What?

Fez storms over to the door. 

**Fez:** I cannot speak to you for a little while! And put on a shirt, dammit!

Fez leaves. Kelso stands in the kitchen, looking confused. Then he picks up Fez's abandoned bowl of cereal and starts eating it. Fez walks back in. 

**Fez:** Don't eat my cereal, you sexy son of a bitch!

Fez takes his cereal and leaves again. 

**Kelso:** What is happening?!

~

Hyde walks into Grooves. Leo is asleep on the couch. Hyde wakes him up. 

**Leo:** Don't look in the paper bag! Oh, hey man. 

**Hyde:** Leo, man, when I gave you a key to the store, I wasn't inviting you to sleep here. 

**Leo:** Did I fall asleep here? Man, I totally meant to go home. 

**Hyde:** Well, since you're here… You wanna help me set up for the sale today?

**Leo:** What kinda sale are you having?

**Hyde:** Buy one get one on all used records. 

**Leo:** Aw, cool! Can I help set up?

**Hyde:** Yep. 

**Leo:** Sweet. 

~ Intro ~

Jackie sits at the Formans' kitchen table, eating breakfast. Kitty sits next to her. Red enters the room. 

**Red:** Why is the loud one here? 

He sits down at the table. 

**Jackie:** Steven had to go to work early and Eric went to the radio station with Donna. I didn't want to eat breakfast alone. 

**Kitty:** And I'm glad to have you here! 

**Red:** Kitty, we can't really afford to be feeding anyone else. 

**Kitty:** What are you talking about? 

**Red:** I might lose the muffler shop. If I can't figure out a way to get more customers, I could go out of business. 

**Kitty:** Well, I guess that makes sense. I mean, how many people need mufflers? 

**Jackie:** I have an idea! Instead of just selling mufflers, why don't you expand to general car repair? There's plenty of idiots in this town that don't know how to fix their own cars. 

**Red:** That's true. But I would need more employees. Right now, I'm the only one. 

**Kitty:** Oh, oh! Didn't you teach Jackie how to work with cars when she was still in school?

**Jackie:** Yeah, when I was a sophomore. 

**Red:** Jackie, how would you like to work for me at Forman & Son?

Jackie thinks about it. 

**Jackie:** You know, I have been looking for a new job. I love my show, but it's not a full time job. Plus, I did really like working on the Vista Cruiser. 

**Kitty:** So? Will you do it?

**Jackie:** Do I have to wear those gross baggy pants? 

**Red:** If you have jeans that you don't mind getting oil stains on, you can wear those. 

**Jackie:** Do you have shirts that come in my size?

**Red:** I'm sure I can find one. And I'll get you a custom 'Jackie' patch because I don't think they have female names. 

**Jackie:** Alright! Yes, I will take the job! 

**Red:** You start tomorrow! 

Jackie smiles. They shake hands. 

~

Eric and Donna stand in the radio station. Tracy is sorting records behind them. 

**Eric:** I can't believe you're letting me pick the music when you go on air today!

**Tracy:** I can't believe it either. 

**Donna:** Yeah, just don't play any Styx. I have a reputation. 

**Tracy:** You like Styx? Figures. 

**Eric:** Figures? What do you mean by 'figures?' 

**Tracy:** You seem liked the kind of loser that would listen to Styx. 

**Eric:** I do? 

**Donna:** Yeah, you give off a loser vibe. 

**Eric:** Hey!

~

Fez sits in the Hub with Buddy Morgan. 

**Buddy:** So, why'd you look me up in the phone book and ask me to meet you here?

**Fez:** Well, I need advice on something and Eric once said you were gay. 

**Buddy:** Yeah… What does that have to do with getting advice?

**Fez:** I think I have romantic feelings for a man. 

**Buddy:** Oh. And I'm the only gay person you've ever met. Makes sense. 

**Fez:** Exactly! So, how did you know you were gay?

**Buddy:** I found men attractive.

**Fez:** But how did you know?

Buddy scratches his neck. 

**Buddy:** You know you can like men and women, right?

**Fez:** I can?

**Buddy:** Yeah, it's called being bisexual. Maybe you should compare how you feel for this guy to how you've felt about past girlfriends. 

**Fez:** I will do that. Thank you, Buddy. 

**Buddy:** No problem. Tell Eric he better call me because he missed our monthly call yesterday. 

**Fez:** Your _what?_

**Buddy:** Yeah, Eric and I call each other pretty much every month. We have since junior year. 

Fez gapes at Buddy.

~

Hyde and Leo stand behind the cash register. The store is full of people. Kelso walks over, holding several albums. 

**Kelso:** I would like these records, please. 

Hyde looks at the records, then gives Kelso a look. 

**Hyde:** Kelso, for the last time, the sale only applies to _used_ records. This is a brand new copy of Sheer Heart Attack. 

**Kelso:** Aw, but it's Brooke's favorite! I wanted to get her something 'cause we haven't been doing too good lately. 

**Hyde:** Find a used copy. 

**Leo:** Yeah. And maybe think about getting a different album, 'cause this one's not that good. Unless you've had some special brownies. 

**Kelso:** Do you know where I could get those?

**Hyde:** I'll make you some for twenty bucks. 

**Kelso:** Sweet! I'm gonna go find a used album. 

Kelso walks away. 

~

Red and Jackie stand in the muffler shop. Jackie has a stack of paper and markers. 

**Jackie:** These signs need to be colorful and eye-catching. 

**Red:** But they also need to get the message across. 

**Jackie:** Exactly. 

She starts writing on a poster. When she's done, she holds it up. 

**Red:** _'Forman & Son: Not just mufflers, but car repair too!'_ That's not bad. 

**Jackie:** See? And we can hang these up everywhere while we wait for the new sign to be made!

Kitty rushes in, holding a garment bag. 

**Kitty:** I've got your shirt, Jackie! 

She unzips the bag to show off the uniform shirt with a patch on the chest that reads Jackie. 

**Jackie:** Ooh, nice! I think I could really pull that off. 

Jackie takes the garment bag from Kitty. 

**Kitty:** Now, let's make some signs!

~

Donna and Tracy stand in the radio station. 

**Donna:** I can't believe we like all the same bands! That is so cool!

**Tracy:** I know, right? 

**Donna:** Tracy, you are so cool. 

**Tracy:** Thanks. You're really cool too. 

They stare at each other for a moment. Then Tracy leans in and kisses Donna. Eric walks in. 

**Eric:** Woah!

Donna pushes Tracy away. 

**Donna:** What was that for?

**Tracy:** I like you. 

**Donna:** I have a boyfriend!

**Tracy:** I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have done that. 

**Eric:** No, you shouldn't have! It was kinda hot, though. 

Donna hits Eric. 

**Tracy:** I'm just- I'm gonna go. 

Tracy runs out of the room. 

~

Fez enters a room. Tracy is there, ripping up pieces of paper. 

**Fez:** What did that paper do to you?

**Tracy:** Nothing. I'm just an idiot. 

**Fez:** What happened? 

Tracy looks at Fez. 

**Tracy:** You really want to know?

**Fez:** Yes. You have given me some great things to think about, so I owe you one. 

**Tracy:** I made a move on Donna and Eric caught me. 

**Fez:** What do you mean by 'made a move?' 

**Tracy:** I kissed her. 

**Fez:** WOAH! 

**Tracy:** It's whatever. I'll get over it. 

**Fez:** If you're sure. Can we talk more later? I have to confront Eric about his secret friend. Let's get some pie after you finish work, okay?

**Tracy:** Alright, sure. 

~

Eric and Donna stand in the radio station. 

**Eric:** What just happened?

**Donna:** She kissed me! I didn't want her to kiss me!

**Eric:** Are you sure?

**Donna:** Yes! 

**Eric:** Alright. Well, now we're even. 

**Donna:** What are you talking about?

**Eric:** Buddy Morgan kissed me that one time, Tracy kissed you… We're even. 

**Donna:** Okay… I guess so. 

Fez rushes in. 

**Fez:** You call Buddy Morgan every month? And you did not tell me?

**Donna:** Speak of the devil. 

**Eric:** Yeah, Fez, Buddy and I talk on the phone every month. How'd you find out? 

**Fez:** I was at The Hub with Buddy, getting advice, and he said you missed yesterday's call and you need to call him back. 

**Eric:** Oh, right! I was preoccupied with a Star Wars model. 

**Donna:** Why were you talking to Buddy?

**Fez:** Uh… well… 

**Eric:** Fez, what's going on?

**Fez:** I don't want to talk about it!

Fez runs out of the room. 

~

Jackie rushes into Grooves, holding several Forman & Son posters. She rushes over to Hyde excitedly. 

**Hyde:** Hey, what's up?

**Jackie:** I have the best news! Mr. Forman said he was going to lose the muffler shop, so I told him to expand to car repair. He thought it was a great idea and offered me a job! 

**Hyde:** That's great! What's the job?

**Jackie:** Car repair woman. 

**Hyde:** Nice. Kind of hard to believe with your hatred of grease and oil. 

**Jackie:** Yeah, but now I can go to the mall and get some jeans specifically for work that can handle grease stains. 

**Hyde:** Very true. 

**Jackie:** So, can I hang these posters up around the store?

**Hyde:** Of course. I don't know how much space there is, 'cause of the sale flyers. 

**Jackie:** I'll just take a few down. Thanks, Puddin' Pop. 

**Hyde:** Anything for you, Grasshopper. 

Jackie pecks Hyde on the lips and walks away. Kelso walks up to Hyde. 

**Kelso:** 'Grasshopper?' 

Hyde punches Kelso on the arm. 

**Kelso:** What was that for? 

**Hyde:** Don't say a word about this to anyone. 

~

Circle in the record store. Focus on Hyde. 

**Hyde:** The sale today was great. I'm glad it's over. 

Swivel to Kelso. 

**Kelso:** It was pretty cool. I got four records! And two of 'em were free!

Swivel to Jackie. 

**Jackie:** You know, working on cars is gonna be great. I'm gonna be like those girls in those sexy magazines that pose on cars. Except way cooler. 

Swivel to Leo. 

**Leo:** I was with one of those car models once, man. She knew how to do stuff. 

Swivel to Hyde. 

**Hyde:** Jackie, it is so cool that you work with cars. That is so hot. 

Swivel to Kelso. 

**Kelso:** Yeah, it is hot… _grasshopper._

Hyde punches Kelso's right shoulder and Jackie punches his left shoulder. Kelso grabs both his shoulders. 

**Kelso:** Ow!

~

Tracy and Fez sit on a bench outside with plates of pie in their hands. 

**Fez:** So you really just kissed her? You just went for it?

**Tracy:** Yep. 

Tracy eats some of her pie. 

**Tracy:** So, how'd it go thinking about your feelings?

**Fez:** Pretty good. I found out I can like women and men. And I thought long and hard about it. I feel the same way for Kelso that I did for Nina and Rhonda and Caroline. 

**Tracy:** Well, that's good. I hope he likes you back. 

**Fez:** I know I am desirable, but he is dating the mother of his child for a second time. 

Tracy looks confused. 

~

Hyde and Jackie sit on the couch in their living room. Donna and Eric walk in. 

**Eric:** How was everyone's day? Mine was great. I caught Donna kissing a girl. 

**Jackie:** What?

**Donna:** Okay, the new intern, Tracy, kissed me. I pushed her away because I'm with Eric. 

**Hyde:** I would really like to meet Tracy. 

**Jackie:** Why?

**Hyde:** I'm fascinated. 

**Eric:** It was a great thing to see. Anyway, how are you, grasshopper?

**Jackie:** Eric, if you ever call me 'grasshopper' again, I will release spiders into your underwear drawer. 

Hyde smiles. Eric looks horrified. 

**Eric:** You wouldn't. 

**Jackie:** I would. Only one person is allowed to call me 'grasshopper' and it's not you. 

**Eric:** Noted. 

**Jackie:** Oh, and Eric? I work with your father now.

**Donna and Eric:** _What?_

**Jackie:** Uh-huh. I am a car repair woman at Forman & Son. 

**Donna:** Like a mechanic? What about your show? 

**Jackie:** First of all, don't call me a mechanic. That sounds gross. Second, I'm still going to do my show. I'm just going to work at the muffler shop too. 

**Eric:** What do you mean you're a 'car repair woman?' I thought my dad only sold mufflers. 

**Jackie:** He was going to lose the shop, so I told him to expand. He hired me after that. 

**Donna:** Well, that's awesome, Jackie! 

**Jackie:** Thanks! 

~

Eric walks into his kitchen. Fez is sitting at the table. 

**Eric:** Hey, Fez. Don't you have your own house?

**Fez:** First, I have an apartment. Second, Kelso is there. Third, we do not have Fruity Pebbles. 

Fez gestures to his bowl of Fruity Pebbles. 

**Eric:** Why are you avoiding Kelso?

**Fez:** Ah, well, the thing is… IhavefeelingsforKelso. 

Eric looks at him blankly. 

**Eric:** Again?

**Fez:** What do you mean 'again?' 

**Eric:** Well, didn't you like him when you had that sex dream about him? 

**Fez:** No! 

**Eric:** Oh. Alright, then. Good luck, 'cause he's kinda like, in love with Brooke. 

**Fez:** He has not yet said he loves her. I know because he complains about it a lot. 

~

Hyde, Jackie and W.B. stand in a furniture store. They are surrounded by displays of couches and chairs. 

**Jackie:** Alright, I'm looking for something comfortable and chic. 

**Hyde:** 'Chic?'

**Jackie:** Yeah! You know, stylish or trendy!

**Hyde:** Yeah, I don't care. I'll be over by the decorative pillows when you're done. 

Hyde walks away. W.B. turns to Jackie. 

**W.B.:** Does he always just walk away when he doesn't want to do something? 

**Jackie:** Yeah. It's how I know he trusts my decision-making. 

Jackie walks over to a navy blue couch and chair set. 

**Jackie:** Now this, this is classy and it matches the color scheme of our living room. 

Jackie sits on the couch. 

**Jackie:** And it's comfortable! Try it out. 

W.B. sits down next to her. 

**W.B.:** That is nice. Well, is this the set you want?

**Jackie:** I think it is! You know, it's so cool of you to buy us furniture! I had nightmares about having the ratty basement furniture forever. 

**W.B.:** I would have nightmares about that too. You really get me, Jackie. 

~

Hyde stands by several bins full of patterned throw pillows. Jackie and W.B. walk over. 

**Hyde:** Did you find a good couch?

**Jackie:** I found the _perfect couch!_ You're gonna love it! I'm gonna pick out some pillows now. 

Jackie walks to one of the many pillow bins, giving Hyde and W.B. a bit of space. 

**W.B.:** I like her. She's fun. Kind of annoying, but fun. 

**Hyde:** Yeah, that's Jackie alright. 

**W.B.:** I think she's definitely the right woman for you to settle down with. 

**Hyde:** Yeah, she is. Thanks, dad. 

~

Red and Kitty sit at their kitchen table. 

**Kitty:** So, do you think hiring Jackie was a good idea?

**Red:** Oh, I'm sure I'll be annoyed the whole time, but she's reliable. 

**Kitty:** I'm still not really sure why she accepted the job. What with how she hates grease and dirty things. 

**Red:** Well, she seems to be trying new things. I have faith in her. 

**Kitty:** Well, that's good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me explain this new job i've given jackie - i think after her day with red in season one (career day) the writers should have continued to incorporate her interest in cars into the show. her being able to fix cars, her understanding how they work, it adds a lot to her character and the writers forgot about it after one episode. i'm bringing it back because jackie is a badass and versatile woman who can work on cars and have her own tv show. plus, i need to develop jackie and red's connection for something i'm planning later in the season ;) 
> 
> also: i have decided to just have fez/kelso and not do a polyamorous relationship. it just works better for what i have planned in the rest of the season. i promise to do a separate fic for fez/kelso/brooke!


	11. Episode Eleven - Polythene Pam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jackie's mom returns to Point Place. How will Jackie handle it?

Eric, Donna and Hyde sit on the new furniture W.B. bought them in their living room. Eric and Donna share the couch and Hyde sits in one of the arm chairs. 

**Eric:** These are nice. You know, I've been sitting on that basement couch for so long I forgot what it was like to have actual couch cushions. 

**Donna:** Yeah, this is awesome. 

**Hyde:** Thank Jackie, she's the one who picked 'em out.

Jackie walks in the door, wearing her Forman & Son shirt and a pair of grease-stained jeans. Her hair is pulled back and she has a smile on her face. 

**Hyde:** Hey, how was work?

**Jackie:** It was great! Mr. Forman taught me a bunch of new car repair stuff so I'll be prepared for when we have customers. I'll tell you more after I wash off all this grease!

**Eric:** Wait, first, Jackie, thank you for picking out this awesome couch. It's great. 

**Jackie:** Of course it is! Did you expect anything less?

**Eric:** No, I didn't. 

Jackie grins and goes upstairs. 

**Donna:** I still can't believe she's a mechanic. 

**Hyde:** Yeah, me neither. But I'm loving it. 

~

Everyone is seated in the living room. Kelso is bouncing in one of the armchairs, Fez is seated normally in the other, Eric, Donna, Jackie (now grease-free and wearing a dress) and Hyde share the couch. 

**Kelso:** I love this chair. It's so bouncy!

Fez starts bouncing in his chair. 

**Fez:** You're right, it is bouncy! 

**Jackie:** Stop bouncing! I didn't carefully pick this furniture just so you could break it!

Kelso and Fez stop bouncing. 

**Kelso:** Fine! You're always taking the fun out of everything. 

**Fez:** Everyone, I have an announcement!

**Hyde:** Fez, if you have some kind of rash, we don't wanna know. 

**Fez:** It is not a rash this time. I would just like to tell you all that I am bisexual. 

**Kelso:** In English, Fez!

**Donna:** That was English, ya dillhole! It means he likes men and women. 

**Kelso:** Ohhh. Well, that's cool! It, like, doubles your chance of doing it!

Everyone gives him strange looks. 

**Eric:** I'm not even gonna question your math. 

**Kelso:** That's probably for the best. 

~ Intro ~

Red, Kitty and Bob sit in the Formans' kitchen. 

**Kitty:** So, Bob, I've been thinking about your woman problem and I think I found a nice lady for you! Her name is Patricia and she works at the Pharmacy. 

**Bob:** Actually, Kitty, my woman problem is solved. 

**Red:** Since when?

**Bob:** Since this morning. Yeah, Pam Burkhart stopped by looking for Jackie and we got back together and I gave her the kids' address. 

**Kitty:** Pam's back in town?

**Red:** That's great!

**Kitty:** Excuse me? 

**Red:** I mean, for Jackie! It's great that she has a mother again. 

**Bob:** I'm just happy she took me back. I missed her smokin' hot body. 

**Kitty:** That is not appropriate kitchen talk, Bob. 

~

Fez and Eric sit at a table in the Hub. Eric is looking through the newspaper. 

**Eric:** Do you think there's any _Star Wars_ -related career options for me? 

**Fez:** Not if you want Donna to stay with you. 

Eric nods and turns back to the newspaper. Buddy Morgan walks over and sits next to Fez. 

**Buddy:** Hey, Fez. Hey, Eric. 

**Eric:** Hey, Buddy! Long time no see. What are you doing here?

**Buddy:** Nothing. I just saw you guys and thought I'd say hi. 

**Fez:** Hi. 

**Buddy:** Hi. 

**Eric:** Hi. 

They are all silent for a moment. 

**Fez:** Well, this awkward silence is fun. 

~

Donna and Kelso sit in Kelso's apartment. 

**Kelso:** Thanks for coming over, Donna. I'd hang out with Fez, but he's out with Eric. 

**Donna:** You're welcome. I had literally nothing else to do. 

**Kelso:** Aw, come on, Donna. We have fun when it's just us! Remember California? 

**Donna:** Most of that was me standing there while you Frenched Annette. 

**Kelso:** Yeah, it was great. 

**Donna:** So what? You want to make out with some poor girl while I'm here? 

**Kelso:** Nah. Let's play Chutes and Ladders. 

**Donna:** Sure. But don't try to grab my ass if you win. 

**Kelso:** Fine. 

~

Hyde sits on the couch in his house, watching television. The doorbell rings. Hyde gets up and opens the door to reveal Pam Burkhart. 

**Pam:** Hi! Is Jackie around? This is the address Bob gave me, but I'm not sure it's right because it's not that nice of a house. 

**Hyde:** Jackie's at work. She should be back in a few hours. 

Pam pushes past Hyde to go inside and Hyde scowls. 

**Pam:** I'll just wait for her then. 

Pam sits down on the couch. 

**Pam:** Who are you again? I can't remember your name. 

**Hyde:** I'm Steven Hyde. The guy your daughter is engaged to. 

**Pam:** Jackie's engaged? 

**Hyde:** Yeah, and you would know that if you bothered to stick around. Jackie's been miserable about you ditching her again. She deserves a mother who's there for her, not some drunk that sleeps with all of Mexico while her husband is in prison. 

**Pam:** I didn't sleep with _all_ of Mexico. I have standards. 

Hyde scoffs and shakes his head. 

~

Red and Jackie stand by the open hood of a car. Jackie is bent over, fixing something inside while Red holds a flashlight. 

**Red:** So, uh, Jackie, have you heard from your mother lately?

Jackie stands up straight.

**Jackie:** No. I keep trying to call her number in Mexico, but she hasn't answered for the past week. 

**Red:** Oh. Well, I hope you can talk to her soon. 

**Jackie:** Yeah, me too. I still haven't told her about my engagement to Steven. I wanted to tell her in person. But I don't know when she'll be back from whoring around Mexico. 

**Red:** Might be sooner than you think. Anyway, if you just look at the carburetor there… 

Jackie goes back to fixing the car. 

~

Fez, Eric, Donna and Kelso are at the Hub. 

**Fez:** Guys, I really think we should go to Eric and Donna's house. I have a feeling there is a hot woman there. 

**Kelso:** You can tell when there's a hot woman at their house? 

**Fez:** Yes. I get a sense. I have been right three out of five times. 

**Kelso:** Well, that's like… forty percent right!

**Donna:** Kelso-

**Eric:** Donna, don't. 

**Kelso:** Let's go see if Fez is right! 

They all stand and leave the Hub. 

~

Pam is sitting on the couch and Hyde is scowling at her in the arm chair. Jackie enters the house. 

**Jackie:** Mom? What are you doing here? 

Pam stands and turns to Jackie. Hyde stands as well. 

**Pam:** I came back to see you, Jackie. I heard how sad you were on our last phone call, so I decided to come back. 

**Jackie:** How long have you been here?

**Pam:** I've been in town since last night. I got your address from Bob, then I came to visit and your boyfriend yelled at me for three hours. 

Jackie looks past Pam at Hyde, who looks mad. 

**Jackie:** What was he yelling at you for? 

**Hyde:** I was yelling at her for ditching you again. 

**Jackie:** Aw, thank you, Steven. 

**Pam:** Jackie, why didn't you tell me you were engaged? 

**Jackie:** You weren't here! I didn't want to tell you over the phone. I asked you to come back for our engagement party, but you didn't! 

**Pam:** Oh, I'm sorry, dear. I promise I'll be there next time. 

**Jackie:** 'Next time?' Mom, it was an engagement party. There is no 'next time!'

**Hyde:** I really hope not. 

**Jackie:** Trust me, there won't be a next time. 

Hyde walks over to Jackie. He wraps his arm around her waist. Suddenly, Eric, Donna, Kelso and Fez walk in. 

**Fez:** She's back!

**Kelso:** OH YEAH!

**Eric:** Fez, you were one thousand percent right. 

Donna shakes her head and Hyde glares at them. 

~

Donna, Eric, Kelso and Fez are seated on the couch. Hyde is in one of the armchairs, fidgeting. Jackie is standing with her mother. 

**Pam:** Jackie, I have to say, your house is very… comfortable. 

**Jackie:** Mom, can we talk in private? 

**Pam:** Of course. 

Pam walks into the kitchen. Jackie starts to follow, but Hyde stands. 

**Hyde:** If you need anything, just let me know, okay? 

**Jackie:** I will, Steven. 

Jackie walks into the kitchen and Hyde sits down again. 

**Kelso:** Hyde, man, why would you yell at the hottest woman in town for three hours? 

**Fez:** You yelled at the pretty lady? How dare you!

**Hyde:** I yelled at her because she ditched Jackie again for no reason. She left Jackie without a single parent. Then she came back and the first thing she did was sleep with Bob. 

**Donna:** She slept with my dad again?!

**Eric:** I'm jealous of Bob. That's sad. 

**Hyde:** You're all idiots. Except Donna.

**Kelso:** Hey, I know that. You don't need to rub it in. 

~

Pam and Jackie stand in the kitchen. 

**Pam:** Jackie, darling, I'm happy you finally found a man to support you. That doesn't explain why you're covered in grease, though. Why are you covered in grease?

**Jackie:** I got a job as a car repair woman at Mr. Forman's auto shop. 

**Pam:** Why? 

**Jackie:** Because I enjoy working with cars and I need money to pay for things. 

**Pam:** But your new fiance can just pay for things. He is rich, right? That's why you're marrying him? 

**Jackie:** You're so shallow. I love Steven for who he is. I fell in love with him long before he found out about his rich father. And I like earning my own money. I don't need someone else to do it for me. 

**Pam:** Jackie, I have to say… You've changed quite a bit since I left. For the better, of course. 

**Jackie:** Yeah, no thanks to you. 

Jackie storms out of the kitchen. 

~

Eric, Fez and Kelso stand around Pam in the kitchen. 

**Kelso:** So, Pam, I see you've gotten tanner. 

**Fez:** And even more gorgeous. 

**Eric:** Like a goddess. 

**Pam:** Thank you boys. I went to a nude beach in Acapulco and started a riot. It was in the news!

**Fez:** You are amazing. 

**Kelso:** You really are. 

**Eric:** Do you need anything? A drink? A back massage? 

**Pam:** A drink would be fine, thank you. 

~

Hyde and Jackie sit on the couch, Hyde's arm around Jackie. Donna sits in the arm chair.

**Jackie:** She really thought we were just getting married because you were rich!

**Donna:** Oh come on, doesn't she know Hyde's poor? Look at him. 

**Jackie:** Shut up, Donna. Anyway, how could she not see that we're getting married because we're in love? 

**Donna:** Because Hyde doesn't act like he loves you? 

**Hyde:** Hey, I love Jackie. And I've been acting like it plenty since Chicago. 

**Donna:** That's true. You never used the word 'love' and 'Jackie' in the same sentence unless it was 'I don't love Jackie.' Now, you actually admit that you love her. You've made real progress. 

**Jackie:** Yeah, you really have. 

Hyde squeezes her shoulder and rests his cheek against her head. (Think of their scene in the circle in 6x08) 

**Donna:** As much as I'd love to watch you two fawn over each other, I have to go make Eric wish he had never ignored me in favor of another woman. 

Donna stands and walks into the kitchen. 

**Jackie:** Steven, why have you been saying you love me more often? 

**Hyde:** Well, after everything that happened I thought back on all the times we broke up… y'know, so I could avoid that… and I realized I don't want you to doubt that I love you. I figured I should tell you how I feel so you know for sure. 

**Jackie:** Oh, Steven… I love you. 

They kiss. 

~

Tracy stands in the radio station, looking through records. Fez runs in. 

**Fez:** Tracy, Tracy, Tracy! 

She looks startled. 

**Tracy:** What's wrong?

**Fez:** Nothing. Why would something be wrong?

**Tracy:** You sprinted in here screaming my name. 

**Fez:** Oh. Yes, I see where you got confused. No, you have to come with me so I can introduce you to the world's most beautiful woman. 

**Tracy:** Farrah Fawcett? 

**Fez:** Okay, well, most beautiful woman in Point Place. 

**Tracy:** Okay, let's go. 

~

Red, Kitty and Bob sit in the Formans' living room. 

**Kitty:** I can't believe you would just get back together with Pam right away! Don't you have any consideration for Jackie's feelings? 

**Bob:** No, not really. 

**Red:** Besides, it's a wonder Bob even has a chance to be with Pam. 

**Kitty:** Now what is that supposed to mean? 

**Red:** It means he should consider Jackie! I know I do! I'll be in the garage. 

Red stands and walks into the kitchen.

~

Hyde and Jackie are talking on the couch in their living room, sitting close together. Fez enters with Tracy. 

**Fez:** Jackie, is your mom still here? 

**Hyde:** Hold on. Fez, who is this?

Tracy walks over to Hyde and Jackie. 

**Tracy:** I'm Tracy, I work at the radio station with Donna. 

**Hyde and Jackie:** _You're_ Tracy? 

**Tracy:** Uh… Yeah. 

**Jackie:** Did you really kiss Donna? 

**Tracy:** Oh, yay, everyone knows… 

**Hyde:** Oh, don't worry about it, man. We're totally cool with it. Anyway, I'm Hyde. 

**Jackie:** And I'm his fiance, Jackie Burkhart. 

**Tracy:** Yeah, I've watched your show a couple times. 

Jackie beams. Fez hurries over. 

**Fez:** You will have time for chit-chat later, Tracy has to meet Mrs. Burkhart!

Fez drags Tracy out of the room. 

~

Kelso and Eric lean on the kitchen counter, talking to Pam. Donna stands behind them, looking completely done with Eric. 

**Kelso:** How do you handle being so beautiful? 

**Pam:** It's difficult, but I've learned how to use my beauty to my advantage. 

Fez and Tracy enter. Tracy looks at Pam for a moment. 

**Tracy:** Damn, she is hot. (a pause) Okay, I'm gonna go talk to Jackie and Hyde some more. 

Tracy leaves the room. 

**Fez:** Tracy!

Fez shrugs and walks over to Pam. 

**Pam:** She's not the first girl that's thought I was attractive. 

Kelso, Eric and Fez's jaws drop. Donna rolls her eyes. 

~

Jackie and Hyde are still seated on the couch. Tracy sits in the armchair. 

**Tracy:** Jackie, why aren't you in there with your mom? 

**Jackie:** My mom's a bitch and I'm avoiding her. 

**Hyde:** Yeah, I yelled at her for like three hours today. 

Tracy nods. 

**Hyde:** So, do you like Led Zeppelin? 

**Tracy:** Of course. Who doesn't like Led Zeppelin? 

**Jackie:** I didn't. Then I started dating Steven. I should've made you listen to more ABBA. 

**Hyde:** No. 

**Tracy:** ABBA's not bad every once in a while. 

**Jackie:** Oh, I knew you'd be cool! 

**Hyde:** How would you like to DJ for our wedding? 

**Jackie:** Steven, you can't ask random people to come to our wedding.

**Hyde:** You said I was in charge of music. She's good at music. Besides, she's probably sticking around. There's some kind of weird bond between her and Fez. 

**Tracy:** Yeah, I helped him realize he was bisexual. 

**Jackie:** Oh, that makes sense. So, will you DJ for our wedding reception? 

**Tracy:** Sure. 

**Hyde:** We'll let you know more once we, y'know, set a date and stuff. 

~

Donna drags Eric outside to the driveway. 

**Eric:** Hey, why are we out here? 

**Donna:** Because you're being a dink. 

**Eric:** I am? 

**Donna:** Yeah. You've been flirting with Mrs. Burkhart all day. 

**Eric:** Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. 

**Donna:** Do you even know why you're apologizing? We talked about this, Eric. You can't just apologize, you have to know why you're wrong. 

**Eric:** I do know why I'm wrong. I shouldn't be flirting with an older woman that I have no chance with. I'm with you. I love you. 

**Donna:** Oh, wow. That was really nice. I love you too. 

**Eric:** In fact, I'll make it up to you. I've been saving up money for a romantic trip to Chicago. Why don't we go this weekend?

**Donna:** Eric, that sounds awesome! 

They kiss. 

~

Hyde sits between Pam and Jackie at the kitchen table, none of them talking. Behind them, Kelso and Fez lean against the counter. 

**Kelso:** Man, she's just so pretty. She's like, almost exactly my type. What's your type? 

**Fez:** Brunette, good-looking, amazing eyelashes, stupid… 

**Kelso:** That sounds like me, Fez. 

Fez gapes at Kelso for a few seconds. 

**Fez:** I was just joking, my type is Pam. 

**Kelso:** Aw, good one! Y'know, for a second I thought you actually liked me. How stupid is that? 

**Fez:** So stupid. So very, very stupid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some very interesting things are going to happen on their romantic trip to chicago... ;)


	12. Episode Twelve - The Ballad Of John And Yoko

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eric and Donna wake up in a motel room in Chicago with no memory of the night before. Can they figure out exactly what happened?

Eric lays sprawled out on the floor of a motel room. He groans and sits up a little. 

**Eric:** Donna… 

Eric rubs his face with his left hand. He notices a gold wedding band on his ring finger and his eyes widen. 

**Eric:** _Donna…_

Donna is laying on the bed. She rolls over. 

**Donna:** Not so loud, Eric. 

Eric stands up and rushes over to her. He grabs her hand to see a similar wedding band on her ring finger. 

**Donna:** What are you doing?

Eric looks around the room frantically. His eyes land on the nightstand. He leans over Donna and grabs a piece of paper. Donna pushes him off of her. 

**Donna:** What is happening?

Eric lets out a small shriek. 

**Donna:** Give me that!

Donna grabs the paper. 

**Donna:** This certifies that Eric Forman and Donna Pinciotti were united in _marriage?_

Donna looks back at the nightstand and grabs a second paper. 

**Donna:** Our sincerest congratulations from the Church of Burning Love to Mr. and Mrs. Pinciotti! 

**Eric:** WHAT?

**Donna:** Eric, we're _married!_

**Eric:** And I changed my name to _Pinciotti!_

~ Intro ~

Donna and Eric stare at each other in the motel room. 

**Eric:** What the hell were we thinking?

**Donna:** Okay, I need to take some Aspirin before you start using your squeaky voice. 

Donna stands up and walks to the bathroom. Eric stares at the papers in disbelief. 

**Eric:** I can't believe I'm Mr. Pinciotti. I'm gonna turn into Bob. 

~

Hyde and Jackie sit close together on the couch in their living room. 

**Jackie:** When did Donna say her and Eric were getting back from their romantic night in Chicago?

Hyde checks his watch. 

**Hyde:** Should be about two hours. 

Jackie looks at Hyde. They move in at the same time and start making out. After a few seconds, Eric and Donna burst through the front door. Hyde and Jackie split apart and look over at them. 

**Eric:** You guys have to help us!

**Hyde:** Well hello to you too, Forman. 

**Donna:** Hyde, this is an emergency. 

**Jackie:** What happened? Did Eric do something embarrassing in a public place? 

**Eric:** Maybe. We can't remember anything from last night. 

**Donna:** We woke up in a motel room with rings on our fingers and these!

She hands the marriage certificate and the note of congratulations to them. Hyde starts laughing hysterically. 

**Hyde:** You got wasted and decided to get married? That's great!

**Jackie:** It is not great! I didn't get to be a bridesmaid!

**Hyde:** And you're Mr. Pinciotti! I love today. 

**Eric:** We need to figure out how this happened!

**Donna:** Yeah. We have no idea where to start. 

Hyde stands up. 

**Hyde:** Here's where you start: what is the very last thing you can clearly remember from last night?

**Donna:** I remember ordering iced teas at this restaurant… then I remember Eric singing 'More Than A Woman' by the Bee Gees...

Hyde and Jackie start laughing. 

**Jackie:** Yeah, I remember that too. 

**Eric:** What?

**Hyde:** Last night, we were fooling around on the couch, then you called us. 

(Flashback to the previous night) Hyde and Jackie are making out on the couch when the phone on the table rings. 

**Jackie:** Don't answer it. 

**Hyde:** It might be Leo. I don't want him accidentally taking the bus to Kentucky again. 

**Jackie:** Fine. 

Hyde gets off of Jackie and picks up the phone. 

**Hyde:** Hello?

Split screen. Eric is in a phone booth. 

**Eric:** Hyde, man, I love Donna. 

**Hyde:** Yeah, I know. 

**Jackie:** Who is it?

Hyde covers the mouthpiece. 

**Hyde:** It's Forman. 

**Jackie:** Ugh. 

Hyde goes back to the phone. 

**Eric:** I love Donna so much… I could marry her. 

**Hyde:** You already tried that. 

**Eric:** I know… but this time I'll marry her for real. 

**Hyde:** Uh-huh… How wasted are you?

**Eric:** Reeeealllly wasted. 

**Hyde:** You know what you should do? You should marry Donna tonight. 

**Eric:** _That_ is a _great_ idea. 

**Hyde:** Yeah, man. Let me know how it goes. 

**Eric:** _More than a woman… More than a woman to meeee…_

Hyde holds the phone to Jackie's ear as Eric continues singing. She giggles. Hyde returns the phone to his ear. 

**Hyde:** Beautiful singing, Forman. 

**Eric:** Thank you. Do you ever feel like you have fireworks in your stomach when you kiss Jackie? 'Cause that's how I feel when I kiss Donna. Explosions, man. Boom, boom! 

**Hyde:** Yeah, totally. Where's Donna, can I talk to her?

**Eric:** One seconds. 

Eric leaves the phone booth and hands the phone to Donna. 

**Donna:** Hyyyyde! How ya doing, Hyde?

**Hyde:** I'm great. Listen, you and Forman are both wasted, so don't do anything stupid. 

**Donna:** Okay. We'll try our best. 

Donna hangs up. Hyde turns to Jackie. 

**Hyde:** This is gonna be fantastic in the morning. 

Jackie smiles and pulls Hyde down into a kiss. 

(End of flashback) Eric is now sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. 

**Eric:** Oh, god. 

~

Kelso and Fez sit on the couch with Hyde and Jackie. Eric and Donna are standing. 

**Kelso:** That's awesome!

**Fez:** Yes, it is! You got so wasted you cannot even remember what is supposed to be the happiest day of your lives!

**Kelso:** And you're Eric Pinciotti!

**Hyde:** Yeah. I'm gonna have to stop calling you Forman. You're Pinciotti now. 

**Eric:** Shut up! You're the future Mr. Burkhart. 

**Jackie:** Oh, no way. We're gonna be the Burkhart-Hydes. 

**Hyde:** I can live with that. 

**Donna:** Guys, back to the issue. We got married without our friends and families there! Kitty is gonna cry and Red's gonna kill us!

**Eric:** Exactly!

**Kelso:** Do you wanna get divorced? I know where you can go to do that. 

Everyone looks at Kelso. 

**Hyde:** Man, you've been to divorce court?

**Kelso:** I don't wanna talk about it. 

**Donna:** Well, I don't want to get divorced… I mean, I do want to be married to you. 

**Eric:** I want to be married to you too. 

**Jackie:** Ugh, I can't believe you got married before me. And I wasn't even there!

~

Eric and Donna stand in their room. 

**Eric:** I think I have a plan. Instead of telling our parents we got married, we say we got engaged again. Then, we can plan a real wedding like you want. 

**Donna:** I don't know if I want that. 

**Eric:** What do you want, then?

**Donna:** Well, when we were wedding planning, I just felt stressed and like we had to please everyone else. It felt like this whole big deal and it wasn't really about us. Eric, I don't really care about having a big, fancy wedding. We're together and that's what matters. 

**Eric:** Yeah. I mean, I don't really like that I can't remember it, but I'm sure it was a nice ceremony. It _was_ called The Church of Burning Love. 

**Donna:** The important thing is that we're married. We're freaking married! How cool is that?

**Eric:** It's so cool! And actually, I think I like being Eric Pinciotti. I can live with it. 

They smile at each other for a moment. 

**Donna:** I love you, Eric. 

**Eric:** I love you too, Donna. 

They kiss. 

~

Jackie sits at the kitchen table. Hyde is making sandwiches at the counter. 

**Jackie:** Steven, can you promise me that we won't get married while we're drunk?

**Hyde:** Jackie, you don't drink enough to actually get drunk. Plus, if I ever suggested a quickie wedding, you'd probably kick me in the shins until I couldn't walk. 

**Jackie:** That's true. We really gotta start planning our wedding. 

Hyde walks over to the table and hands one of the sandwiches to Jackie. 

**Hyde:** Let's set a date right now. 

**Jackie:** Really? Okay! Ooh, how about the day before New Years? We can end 1979 with a celebration of our love! And we can start 1980 with our honeymoon! 

**Hyde:** I thought you wanted a spring wedding. 

**Jackie:** I used to. But now I just really wanna marry you. 

**Hyde:** December 31st… all right. Plus, I'll never forget our anniversary. 

**Jackie:** Not that I would ever let you. 

~

Kelso and Fez sit in Eric, Donna, Hyde and Jackie's living room. 

**Kelso:** I can't believe Eric and Donna got married. We weren't even there! 

**Fez:** I know! I was really looking forward to being a groomsman. 

**Kelso:** Well you get to do that for Hyde and Jackie's wedding. 

**Fez:** That is true. 

**Kelso:** Man, I don't wanna get married. Do you ever wanna get married again?

**Fez:** Well, if I end up falling for a man, it is not legal… And no woman would want to spend the rest of her life with me… So, no, I do not see myself getting married. 

**Kelso:** It sucks that you can't marry a dude. That's not fair at all. OH! Now that you like guys, do you think I'm hot? 

**Fez:** I've always thought you were hot. 

**Kelso:** But, like, would you do it with me? 

**Fez:** Yes. You are a beautiful man, Kelso. 

**Kelso:** All right! 

~

Eric and Donna stand in the driveway of the Formans' house. 

**Donna:** How are we gonna do this? 

**Eric:** I was thinking we'd just go in, say 'We're married!' and run like hell. 

**Donna:** What's Plan B?

**Eric:** I hadn't gotten that far… We could just wing it? 

**Donna:** Sure. 

~

Red, Kitty and Bob sit in the Formans' living room. 

**Kitty:** I wonder why Eric and Donna wanted to meet with us. I hope nothing bad happened. Oh, what if he got her pregnant? 

**Bob:** If he got her pregnant, I'll snap him in half. 

**Red:** Not before my foot goes up his ass. 

Eric and Donna enter the room. 

**Bob:** Donna, are you pregnant? 'Cause you're kinda starting to show it. 

**Donna:** Dad! I'm not pregnant! 

**Bob:** I'm sorry, honey bunch. You're not fat. 

**Eric:** Donna's not pregnant, but something interesting did happen last night. 

**Donna:** See, we went on a trip to Chicago to have a nice night out and we decided to take a big step in our relationship. One that we were completely prepared for and planned to do. 

**Eric:** We got married! 

**Kitty:** You got married without me? 

**Eric:** Surprise? 

**Kitty:** This is unacceptable. You two are getting remarried here, tonight. Tell your friends to dress nice and come over. I will get Pastor Dave and he will marry you two properly! 

Kitty walks out of the room. 

**Red:** Congrats, you two. Now I have to host a wedding. 

**Bob:** No, let's do it at my house. We did it when me and Midgie renewed our vows. 

~

Everyone stands in the Pinciottis' living room, which is done up the same as it was for Bob and Midge's vow renewal. Eric is wearing a tux and standing with Pastor Dave. Kelso and Fez are seated in folding chairs in the front row, with Hyde behind them next to an empty seat reserved for Jackie. Red and Kitty sit on the other side with Bob. 

**Eric:** I'm sure this will be a much nicer wedding than last night. If only I could remember last night. 

**Pastor Dave:** Why don't you remember last night? Do you have memory loss problems? 

**Eric:** Uh...yeah. 

~

Jackie and Donna stand in the hallway outside the living room. Donna is wearing her wedding dress that she didn't get to wear the first time. Jackie is smiling. 

**Jackie:** Isn't this so exciting? You get to have a wedding you remember!

**Donna:** Yeah, it's great. I'm glad I kept my vows from my last engagement. 

**Jackie:** Ready? 

**Donna:** As I'll ever be. 

~

Wedding march music starts. Everyone turns to see Jackie walk down the aisle then take her seat next to Hyde. Donna follows, walking much slower. Eric's jaw drops when he sees her. She reaches the 'altar', smiling. 

**Pastor Dave:** Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the union of these two souls in marriage. This is the first wedding I have ever officiated. And I do believe the couple was officially married last night. We must all wish these two eternal peace and happiness. We hope that the lord Jesus Christ watches over them each day. 

(time cut to later in the ceremony) 

**Pastor Dave:** Now, for the vows. I believe you wrote your own? Eric, go ahead. 

**Eric:** Donna, I have loved you since we were four years old and you were pushing me in the dirt by your swing set. My love for you has only grown with time and it will continue to grow as we grow older. My love for you is stronger than a thousand Jedi knights. You are my best friend and my favorite person in the world. 

Pastor Dave has started crying. 

**Pastor Dave:** That part about the Jedi was beautiful. Donna? 

**Donna:** Eric, I fell in love with you because you always know how to cheer me up when I'm down, you can always make me laugh and you always have a Star Wars reference ready for any situation. We've had our ups and downs, but we've always made it through. Whatever we encounter in the future, we'll beat it together. I will always love you. 

In the audience, Hyde puts his arm around Jackie and kisses her cheek. She smiles at him. 

**Pastor Dave:** I can't stop crying. Eric Forman, do you take Donna Pinciotti to be your lawfully wedded wife?

**Eric:** I do. 

**Pastor Dave:** Donna Pinciotti, do you take Eric Forman to be your lawfully wedded husband? 

**Donna:** I do. 

**Pastor Dave:** You may now kiss the bride. 

Eric and Donna kiss and everyone claps. 

~

The reception at the Formans'. Everyone is crowded into the living room. Hyde and Jackie sit on the stairs together, Kelso and Fez stand off to the side with Bob, Red and Kitty are talking to Eric and Donna. 

**Red:** Well, son, now that you're married, maybe I can take ya to the Vikings lodge. 

**Eric:** No offense, dad, but I really don't want to do that. Isn't it just a bunch of old guys that complain about their wives?

**Red:** Pretty much, yeah. 

**Eric:** That doesn't seem like the thing for me. 

**Donna:** Yeah, and I'd rather you didn't complain about me to strangers. 

**Kitty:** Oh, it's not so much complaining as making idle chatter. 

**Red:** No, it's complaining. 

~

Hyde and Jackie sit on the stairs together. 

**Jackie:** That ceremony was beautiful, even if it was hastily thrown together.

**Hyde:** Yeah, it was pretty good for something that was planned in two hours. 

**Jackie:** Let's not have Pastor Dave officiate our wedding. 

**Hyde:** Definitely not. 

**Jackie:** I'm so excited to marry you, Puddin' Pop. 

**Hyde:** I'm excited too, Grasshopper. 

Jackie kisses Hyde. 

~

Kelso and Fez are talking with Bob. 

**Kelso:** So, Bob, how does it feel to give your daughter away to Eric? 

**Bob:** Well, I think she could do better, but he makes her happy so… eh. 

**Fez:** They really could've had a better ceremony. Granted, this one was probably better than the one last night since they were both drunk off their asses. 

Bob gapes at Fez. 

**Bob:** What did you just say? 

Fez opens his mouth, then runs out of the room. Bob turns to Kelso, who runs after Fez. 

~

Bob storms over to where Red, Kitty, Eric and Donna are. 

**Bob:** Fez just told me you two were drunk last night when you got married! Is that true? 

Eric and Donna exchange guilty looks. 

**Eric:** Uh… No! Actually, funny story- _true_ story- we told Fez, as a joke, that we were drunk and I called Hyde on a payphone to tell him I love Donna and Hyde suggested that we get married that night. And we told him, _as a joke_ , that we woke up in a motel room with no memory of the night before and marriage papers. Wild, huh?

Red, Kitty and Bob stare at Eric. Donna hides her face in her hand. 

**Red:** That's actually what happened, isn't it? 

**Eric:** Yes. 

Red looks angry for a moment, then starts laughing. Kitty and Bob look at him like he's insane. 

**Kitty:** What on earth is so funny? 

**Red:** This could only happen to these two dumbasses. You're perfect for each other. 

**Bob:** I'm just disappointed that I couldn't be there for the first wedding. 

Eric places a comforting hand on Bob's shoulder. 

**Eric:** If we could remember it, we'd tell you all about it. 

~

Eric, Donna, Jackie and Hyde enter their living room. Hyde and Jackie sit down on the couch together after turning on the TV. 

**Eric:** Are you guys gonna be here all night? 

**Jackie:** Yeah, Eric, we live here. 

**Eric:** I know, it's just, like… me and Donna got married today and y'know… usually after a wedding the couple… makes love. 

**Hyde:** You've done that while we were here before. We can hear Donna's loud cries and then Forman's 'sorry, sorry, sorry!' 

**Donna:** I can't possibly be louder than Jackie. 

**Hyde:** You're loud enough to hear through the wall. 

**Donna:** So is Jackie! 

**Eric:** Yeah, I've lost interest in this conversation. Donna, bedroom? 

**Donna:** Well now I'm gonna be self-conscious about how I sound!

**Eric:** You sound beautiful! Let's go. 

**Donna:** Okay. 

**Eric:** I would try to pick you up bridal style but I know I'm not strong enough. 

Donna grins and picks Eric up bridal style. He hooks his arms around her neck. 

**Eric:** This works too. Take me away, Donna! 

~

Hyde, Jackie, Eric and Donna are eating breakfast together. 

**Hyde:** So when's the honeymoon? 

**Eric:** We're waiting until we have money. 

**Donna:** Yeah, kinda hard to have a honeymoon when you can't buy anything. 

**Hyde:** Oh yeah. Forgot about _money._

**Jackie:** How could you just _forget_ about money?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i loved writing this chapter SO MUCH! 
> 
> also i'm avoiding the logical timeline by making hyde and jackie's wedding date the 31st :)


	13. Episode Thirteen - Boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donna and Eric enjoy married life. Kelso gets jealous of Fez's new date and has to figure out why. Jackie clears the air with her mom.

Kelso and Brooke stand in Brooke's apartment, surrounded by moving boxes. 

**Brooke:** Thanks for helping me move back in, Michael. 

**Kelso:** No problem. I'm super excited to have you and Betsy back in Point Place! 

Fez and Tracy enter, carrying boxes. 

**Tracy:** Where do you want these? 

**Brooke:** Betsy's room, please. 

Fez and Tracy take the boxes to another room and come out a few seconds later. 

**Kelso:** Thanks for helping out, you guys. 

**Fez:** Of course. I am always here for you. And your beautiful girlfriend. 

**Tracy:** I had nothing to do, so… 

**Kelso:** Oh yeah, Brooke, this is Tracy. She works at the radio station and she kissed Donna. 

Tracy smacks Kelso on the arm. 

**Kelso:** You hit hard!

**Brooke:** Nice to meet you, Tracy. 

**Tracy:** Likewise. 

~

Hyde leans against the side of a car in the muffler shop, seemingly alone. 

**Hyde:** I just don't get why we have to order Barry Manilow records. I don't want people who listen to Barry Manilow in my store. 

Jackie comes out from under the car on a roller board. She looks up at him. 

**Jackie:** If you really listened to Barry Manilow, you might like him. 

**Hyde:** No, I wouldn't. 

**Jackie:** You might. Could you hand me the socket wrench? 

Hyde hands her the tool and Red walks over. Jackie slides back under the car. 

**Red:** Don't you have better things to do than distract my only employee? 

**Hyde:** If I wanted to distract her, this isn't how I'd go about it. 

Jackie rolls out from under the car again. 

**Jackie:** He's not distracting me, Mr. Forman. We're just talking about music. 

**Red:** All right. We have another customer coming in with an old battery, so later I'll teach you how to replace those. 

**Jackie:** Cool! 

Red walks away. Jackie stands up and wipes her hands on her jeans. 

**Jackie:** Hopefully that won't take too long. I have to meet with my mom at four. 

**Hyde:** Right. Good luck with that. 

**Jackie:** I'm just going to tell her how I feel and hopefully she makes it right. 

**Hyde:** I really hope she makes it up to you. 

**Jackie:** Me too. 

~ Intro ~

Eric sits at the kitchen table eating cereal. Donna enters. 

**Eric:** Hey, it's my wife! I love saying that. You're my wife. That's so awesome.

**Donna:** It is awesome. You're my husband! 

**Eric:** So, Mrs. Pinciotti, what's on the agenda for today? 

**Donna:** Well, Mr. Pinciotti, I have the day off from work. That means I'm free to spend the day with you. 

**Eric:** Well, it just so happens Roy gave me the night shift and I don't have to go to work until six. 

**Donna:** All right! Our first day as a married couple and we get to spend most of it together. 

~

Kelso and Tracy sit on the couch in Kelso and Fez's apartment. Fez emerges from his bedroom, wearing a stylish outfit. He models it for them, strutting in front of the couch. 

**Fez:** So, how is my outfit? 

**Kelso:** Eleven out of ten, man! You'll get all the ladies!

**Tracy:** And some of the guys. 

**Fez:** Well, tonight is not about getting ladies or guys. It is about getting one guy. 

**Kelso:** Who? 

**Fez:** I am going on a date with Buddy Morgan. We are going to the Vineyard and he has offered to pay since he is rich and I am not. 

**Tracy:** Hell yeah, free food. 

**Kelso:** You're going on a date with a guy? Do you like him? 

**Fez:** Why do you care? 

Tracy looks at kelso. 

**Tracy:** Yeah, Kelso, why do you care? 

Kelso sputters, looking for an answer. 

**Kelso:** I don't! 

Kelso stands up and goes into his bedroom, slamming the door behind him. 

~

Eric and Donna are kissing on their couch. 

**Eric:** So far, our first day as husband and wife is going fantastic. 

**Donna:** It would be more fantastic if you stopped talking. 

They continue kissing. Hyde enters. 

**Hyde:** Oh, come on. 

Eric and Donna part and look over at Hyde. 

**Eric:** Hyde, do you have to be here? It's our first day as a married couple and, y'know, we wanted to spend it together. Just us. 

**Hyde:** You trying to kick me out of my own house? 

**Donna:** It's our house too. 

**Hyde:** Fine. I'm gonna grab a few things, then I'll leave you two so you can be a married couple and have a fight. 

Hyde walks away. Eric and Donna look at each other. 

**Eric:** We're not gonna fight, are we? 

**Donna:** It depends. Are you gonna ruin this and piss me off? 

**Eric:** Knowing me, absolutely. 

**Donna:** Let's enjoy it while we can, then. 

They go back to kissing. 

~

Jackie and Pam stand in the Burkharts' living room. Jackie is no longer wearing her work clothes. 

**Pam:** So, what did you want to talk about? 

**Jackie:** Isn't it obvious? I want to talk about how you keep abandoning me. 

**Pam:** Honey, I don't want to hear about this anymore. I heard enough when your fiance yelled at me for three hours. 

**Jackie:** But there are still things I need to know. 

Pam nods silently. 

**Jackie:** Why did you leave again? 

**Pam:** I wasn't happy here in Point Place. It's so overwhelming without your father here and I needed a break. 

**Jackie:** You weren't happy? I wasn't enough to keep you here? And don't use daddy's arrest as an excuse because it's overwhelming for me too. I had to deal with everything after he went to prison because you left. I'm lucky my friends helped out because I don't think I could've managed without them. 

**Pam:** I've already apologized for that, Jackie. 

**Jackie:** I know, I'm sorry for bringing it up again. But I really wish you hadn't left again.

**Pam:** I'm sorry, dear. I'm here for good this time, I promise. 

**Jackie:** That's all I want, mom. 

Pam and Jackie hug. 

**Pam:** Now, tell me all about your fiance! Is he studying to be a lawyer or a doctor? I'm guessing lawyer based on the way he yelled at me. 

~

Fez and Buddy sit at a table in the Vineyard. Not too far away, Kelso, Brooke and Tracy sit together. Focus on Kelso, Brooke and Tracy. 

**Tracy:** Why am I here? 

**Brooke:** Yeah, Michael, I thought this was a date. 

**Kelso:** No, this is just a hangout with friends. And also to spy on Fez. 

**Tracy:** Why are you spying on Fez, Kelso? Are you jealous? 

**Kelso:** Jealous? Of what? Buddy? I have way better hair than him. And I'm way prettier. 

Brooke and Tracy exchange a look. 

**Brooke:** So, Tracy, you work at the radio station? 

**Tracy:** Yeah. I haven't been able to go on air just yet, but Jerry said he was thinking about it. 

**Kelso:** Guys, shhh! I'm trying to hear what Fez is talking about. You think they're talking about me? 

**Brooke:** No, I don't think they're talking about you. I think they're trying to enjoy their date and ignore your obsessive staring. 

Tracy laughs and Kelso looks offended. 

~

Fez and Buddy are seated across from each other. 

**Fez:** Thank you for agreeing to go out with me. 

**Buddy:** Yeah, you seem like a cool guy. But I thought you liked your stupid, pretty friend. 

**Fez:** I do, but Kelso will never like me back. I am trying to put myself out there. 

**Buddy:** So am I like a rebound or something? 

**Fez:** No, no, no. You are… okay, you're kind of like a rebound. I am sorry. 

**Buddy:** Nah, it's cool. I'm happy to help. It's just a little unsettling that Kelso is out with two girls and he keeps staring at us. 

Fez turns in his seat to look at Kelso's table. Kelso hides behind his menu, Brooke rolls her eyes, Tracy waves and smiles. Fez turns back to Buddy. 

**Fez:** I don't know why they are here. 

**Buddy:** My guess is Kelso's jealous. 

**Fez:** No, he could not be… Do you really think so? 

**Buddy:** He keeps glaring at me over the pages of his menu. So, yeah, I'm pretty sure. 

~

Eric searches through the kitchen cabinets. Donna sits at the table, reading a magazine with an empty plate in front of her. 

**Eric:** Where are the Twinkies? I really like Twinkies now that we're the ones buying them and it's not knock-off Twonkies. 

**Donna:** I just ate the last one. 

**Eric:** Donna, what the hell? You know I love Twinkies. Why didn't you ask before eating it? 

**Donna:** I wasn't aware I needed your permission to eat food. 

**Eric:** Not all food, just Twinkies!

**Donna:** You know what? You don't own me or the Twinkies!

**Eric:** Actually, I bought the Twinkies!

**Donna:** Congratulations, Eric, you ruined it!

Donna storms out of the room. 

**Eric:** I know I ruined it! I fully expected this!

~

Jackie and Hyde are at the Formans' kitchen table with Red and Kitty. 

**Hyde:** How'd it go with your mom? 

**Jackie:** It was all right. She apologized for leaving, we talked things out… She promised she wouldn't leave again.

**Red:** Pam's staying in town? That's great!

**Kitty:** And why is that great, Red? 

Hyde and Jackie stare at Red expectantly. 

**Red:** Because it means Jackie has her mother nearby!

**Kitty:** Mm-hmm. Sure. 

**Red:** So, have you two started wedding planning? 

**Hyde:** Subtle topic change. 

**Jackie:** Who cares? I love talking about weddings! We set a date yesterday, so we just need to get a venue and stationary before we can send the invites. 

**Kitty:** Oh, oh, oh! I'd love to help you look for a venue! Are you free tomorrow? 

Jackie looks at Red. 

**Red:** I'll cover your shift at the shop so you can go look at wedding venues. 

Jackie flings her arms around Red. 

**Jackie:** Thank you, thank you, thank you! 

Red gently pries her off. 

**Hyde:** Yeah, I can have Leo take over the store tomorrow. 

**Kitty:** Oh, I'm so excited! 

~

Kelso glares into the distance over his plate of food. Tracy and Brooke are deep in conversation. 

**Brooke:** I've read nearly every single book in the library. Of course, I haven't even looked at the Playboys. I don't know why we have those at the library. 

**Tracy:** That's so impressive that you've read almost every book in the library. You're smart _and_ beautiful. 

Brooke giggles. Kelso stops glaring and looks at them. 

**Kelso:** Guys, do you think Fez is gonna stop hanging out with me because he has a boyfriend now? Do you think Buddy is his boyfriend? 

**Tracy:** Dude, how can you be this oblivious? 

**Kelso:** I'm not being obvious, Tracy. In fact, I'm being pretty discreet! Fez only noticed me once! 

**Tracy:** No, moron! You're clearly jealous of Buddy!

**Kelso:** I am not jealous! I don't like Fez that way! At least, I don't think I do!

**Brooke:** Michael, we need to have a talk. 

Kelso had gone back to glaring. 

**Kelso:** Yeah, sure, whatever. 

~

Eric sits on the couch. Hyde and Jackie enter the house. 

**Hyde:** Hey, man. How'd your first day as a married couple with Donna go? 

**Eric:** I ruined it. 

**Jackie:** Of course you did. Is Donna in your room? 

**Eric:** Yeah. 

Jackie sighs and goes up the stairs. Hyde sits down next to Eric. 

**Hyde:** So, how'd you ruin it? 

**Eric:** I got mad at her for eating the last Twinkie. 

**Hyde:** That's about par for the course. 

**Eric:** Yep. Why do I have to ruin everything? 

**Hyde:** You're a dumbass. 

**Eric:** Aw, are you trying to be a replacement Red? 

**Hyde:** My foot's gonna be a replacement for your ass if you say something like that again. 

Eric grins. 

~

Jackie and Donna sit in Donna and Eric's room. 

**Jackie:** You ate the last Twinkie? I wanted that! 

**Donna:** Jackie!

**Jackie:** Sorry. We'll buy more. 

**Donna:** Why does he have to ruin everything? 

**Jackie:** He's a dumbass! You should know that, you're his wife! 

**Donna:** Yeah, I should know that by now. 

**Jackie:** Also, this is a stupid fight. You should go work it out with Eric and at least try to enjoy being married!

**Donna:** You're right. I hate admitting that, but it's true. 

**Jackie:** The sooner you realize I know everything, the better off you'll be. 

~

Brooke and Kelso stand outside the Vineyard.

**Kelso:** Can we make this quick? I don't want Fez to kiss Buddy while we're out here. Do you think they're gonna kiss? 

**Brooke:** Michael, we need to break up. You're obviously jealous, which means you probably like Fez. 

Kelso deflates a bit. 

**Kelso:** Do you really think I like Fez? 

**Brooke:** Only you can know that. But it's not just that. I think we're just better off as friends and parents. I enjoy hanging out with you, I just don't think we're a good fit romantically. 

**Kelso:** Yeah, all right. Hey, we'll still see each other all the time 'cause of Betsy. 

**Brooke:** Of course. 

Kelso and Brooke hug. 

**Kelso:** Okay, I should go back in there and make sure they didn't kiss. 

Brooke shakes her head as Kelso walks away. 

~

Tracy sits at Fez and Buddy's table. 

**Tracy:** He's totally in love with you. It's gonna take him a while to realize it, but he'll get there. 

**Fez:** You really think so?

**Buddy:** Judging by the way he came here to spy on us and glared at me for a majority of the meal, I know so. 

Brooke walks over with Kelso. 

**Brooke:** Tracy, could you give me a ride home? Michael drove me here but he wants to talk to Fez. I'd wait, but I only have the babysitter until seven thirty. 

**Tracy:** Yeah, sure. I hope you don't mind loud music because I just got these new speakers… 

Tracy and Brooke leave. Kelso sits in Tracy's vacated seat. 

**Kelso:** Buddy, sorry I glared at you the whole night. It's hard to explain. 

**Buddy:** It's fine, man. It was kinda creepy, but harmless. 

**Kelso:** And Fez… I'm sorry for crashing your date. 

**Fez:** It is all right, Kelso. I don't like him that much anyway. 

**Buddy:** I don't have to buy you dinner. 

**Fez:** I like you as a friend! Not as a lover. 

**Kelso:** Ew, don't call him a lover! If you're gonna call someone a lover, it's me!

Fez and Buddy stare at Kelso. 

**Kelso:** Clearly I'm drunk! I'll see you at home, Fez. 

Kelso runs out of the restaurant. 

~

Eric and Donna stand in their room. 

**Eric:** Donna, I'm sorry for getting mad at you for such a stupid reason. I'm just a dumbass. 

**Donna:** Yeah, I know. I think part of you actually enjoys ruining things and that's why you do it all the time. 

**Eric:** That's possible. But from now on, I'm going to try not to ruin things as much. 

**Donna:** That sounds great. How about we go to the store and buy some Twinkies? 

**Eric:** Fantastic idea. 

Donna and Eric walk over to the door. When they open it, Hyde and Jackie are standing in the hallway. 

**Donna:** Were you listening to us? 

**Jackie:** We figured it would be easier than you guys telling us about it after? 

**Hyde:** What she said. 

~

Red and Kitty sit in their living room together. 

**Kitty:** Why don't we go on romantic dates anymore? 

**Red:** So that's how we're gonna spend the afternoon, huh? 

**Kitty:** We don't have the kids around constantly anymore. Why don't we do something romantic? 

**Red:** What gave you this idea? 

**Kitty:** Well, Eric's married now, Steven is getting married soon… Love is in the air, Red! Let's take a trip!

**Red:** How about we go to Kenosha next weekend? 

**Kitty:** Kenosha's not romantic. And I'm not talking about a weekend trip. I want to take a vacation. 

**Red:** We don't have the money for that. 

**Kitty:** Maybe you should start saving up.

Kitty and Red stare at each other for a moment. 

**Red:** Fine. 

**Kitty:** Yay! 

~

Donna and Eric sit together on the couch in their living room. Jackie sits in Hyde's lap on one of the armchairs. Kelso runs in and trips over the end of the couch, falling on top of Donna and Eric. 

**Eric:** Kelso, what the hell? 

**Kelso:** Brooke broke up with me and I might be gay!

Hyde starts laughing. 

**Jackie:** What do you mean you might be gay?

**Kelso:** I was jealous of Fez's date! I was jealous of freaking Buddy Morgan! His hair is nowhere near as perfect as mine! 

**Eric:** I don't know, Buddy's hair is pretty silky. 

Everyone looks at Eric strangely. 

**Eric:** Please just ignore me. 

**Donna:** Kelso, get off me. 

Donna pushes Kelso to the other side of the couch. Fez enters the house. 

**Fez:** Guys, guys, Kelso was jealous of- Oh my god, he's here. 

Fez freezes by the door. Kelso stares at him from the couch. After a moment, they run in opposite directions; Kelso into the kitchen, Fez out the front door. 

**Donna:** Idiots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just about halfway through the season!


	14. episode Fourteen - Here, There And Everywhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kitty and Fez help Jackie and Hyde find a wedding venue. Kelso puts together a group of trusted friends to help him figure out his feelings.

Jackie and Hyde stand in the Formans' driveway. 

**Jackie:** This is so exciting! We're finally starting wedding planning! 

**Hyde:** Yep. It's the beginning of the end. 

**Jackie:** No! No cynical stuff like that today! Today is a good day where we search for a place to seal our love! 

**Hyde:** Fine. No more cynical stuff from me today. 

Jackie smiles and hugs his arm. Kitty and Fez come out of the Formans' house. 

**Kitty:** Let's go venue-searching! 

**Jackie:** Why is Fez here? 

**Fez:** Kelso kicked me out of the apartment. Plus, I like looking at fancy things. 

**Hyde:** All right. Let's get this over with. 

Jackie gives him a look. 

**Hyde:** I mean… Yay, let's go! I'm so excited!

Jackie rolls her eyes and smiles. 

~

Kelso, Donna, Eric, Brooke and Tracy sit in Kelso's apartment. 

**Donna:** Why are we here? 

**Kelso:** I'm not good at figuring things out about myself. I need help. 

**Eric:** That's true. You didn't know you weren't fire-proof until you set your pants on fire. 

**Kelso:** Exactly! I need help figuring out my feelings. 

Tracy gestures to herself and Brooke. 

**Tracy:** Then why do you need us? 

**Kelso:** Brooke knows me pretty well, since we have a kid together. And Tracy, you're gay. 

**Tracy:** That doesn't answer my question, but okay. 

~ Intro ~

Tracy and Brooke sit next to each other on the kitchen stools in Kelso's apartment. Kelso, Eric and Donna sit on the couch together. 

**Kelso:** All right. You gals and Eric are my most trusted friends. 

**Tracy:** We've known each other for like four days. 

**Kelso:** I trust people very easily, Tracy!

**Donna:** Yeah, one time Hyde convinced him that he could talk to dogs. That was two days after they met. 

**Eric:** It was awesome. He told this border collie on the street all about how he wet the bed. 

**Kelso:** Exactly! Anyway, I think I like Fez but I don't know and I need your help. 

**Brooke:** Oh, I got it. Make a pros and cons list. List all the things you like about Fez and all the things you don't like. 

**Donna:** And after, you can compare the good and bad. 

**Kelso:** Okay, I can do that. I need some paper and crayons. 

**Tracy:** Crayons? Why not a pen? 

**Kelso:** The colors help me think. 

**Eric:** Totally. Having colors makes things so much clearer. 

~

Kitty and Fez walk into a barn. Close behind them, Hyde and Jackie walk in, hand in hand. 

**Kitty:** This is a rustic barn that couples can get married in! I hear they have really good cider! 

**Fez:** It has a simplistic class to it. The smell of horse crap adds a certain… je ne sais quoi. 

**Jackie:** I am not getting married in a barn. I can't get poop on my dress! 

**Kitty:** I'm sure they clean the floors beforehand. 

**Jackie:** That won't get rid of the smell!

Jackie huffs and turns to Hyde. 

**Jackie:** Steven, what do you think? 

**Hyde:** I mean, I don't care that much. I'll marry you wherever. 

**Kitty:** Awww! 

**Fez:** That is sweet, but I just stepped in some brown stuff and I want to die a little bit. 

**Kitty:** Fez, come with me, I saw a hose outside. 

**Fez:** Oh, thank goodness. 

Fez and Kitty leave the barn. 

**Jackie:** I'd marry you wherever too, but we do have a choice and I'm not choosing the barn. 

**Hyde:** No, I don't want to choose the barn either. 

Jackie grins and they leave the barn. 

~

Hyde, Jackie, Kitty and Fez enter an elegant church. 

**Hyde:** Nope. This is- No. 

**Fez:** Hyde, what is your problem with this? It is elegant, sophisticated, classy, the opposite of everything you are… Oh. 

**Jackie:** But I like it! 

**Hyde:** Cool, marry someone else. 

Jackie smacks his arm. 

**Jackie:** I like it, but if you don't that's fine. It's our big day, I want you to be happy. 

**Kitty:** Oh, you two are so cute! I should have brought my camera! Fez, do you have a camera? 

Fez pulls out a camera from his backpack. 

**Fez:** I do. 

**Jackie:** Why do you have a camera? 

**Fez:** You never know when you will see an attractive woman on the street. Like right now!

Fez takes a picture of Kitty. Kitty laughs. 

**Kitty:** Oh, Fez, you're so sweet! 

She takes the camera from him. 

**Kitty:** Now, you two, pose at the altar like you're getting married! 

~

Kelso writes on a paper with a pink crayon. Donna watched over his shoulder. Brooke and Tracy are talking. Kelso finishes writing and holds up the paper. 

**Kelso:** Done! What now?

**Brooke:** Now, you compare. 

Kelso stares at the paper intently. 

**Kelso:** Yeah, this isn't gonna help. 

Donna takes the paper. 

**Donna:** Pros: He's hot. He makes me laugh. He's my best friend. He's probably really good at- Kelso! 

**Kelso:** He probably is! I mean, he does it all the time 'cause he never has a girlfriend! 

Eric takes the paper from Donna. 

**Eric:** Cons: He's kind of creepy. He's a dude and I've never done it with a dude. Those are good cons. 

**Kelso:** See, this isn't gonna help me! It's just telling me stuff I already know! 

**Tracy:** I have a better way to think about this. 

~

A circle. Focus on Brooke. 

**Brooke:** Since trees are alive, do you think they have feelings? Do they know when they're being turned into paper? Do books know they were trees once? 

Swivel to Tracy. 

**Tracy:** Probably. I mean, if they were alive once, they're probably aware of their surroundings. Maybe the books in the library are all thinking about how they used to be in a forest. 

Swivel to Donna and Eric. 

**Donna:** That is so smart. I bet high school textbooks are really sad they're not trees anymore. Now they're full of inappropriate doodles. 

**Eric:** A once majestic tree turned into a crappy school textbook that gets thrown at Fez by the football team… It's like a Shakespearean tragedy. 

Swivel to Kelso. 

**Kelso:** If I was a tree, I'd be, like, so tall. And if I was a tree near a hot girl's window, Fez would probably climb me! I'd love to have Fez climb me. 

Swivel to Brooke. 

**Brooke:** You know who I'd want to climb me? Tracy. 

Swivel to Kelso. 

**Kelso:** That's funny, 'cause she's right there! 

Swivel to Brooke. 

**Brooke:** Oh yeah. I hope she doesn't remember that when we're done. 

Swivel to Tracy. 

**Tracy:** I need to know if the trees have feelings. That's probably why hippies hug the trees! To make them feel better! 

Swivel to Donna and Eric. 

**Donna:** Trust me, Brooke, she won't remember. 

**Eric:** Tracy, you're so smart. I'm gonna go hug a tree right now! 

Eric stands up and runs away as Donna laughs. 

~

Fez runs in an open field. Kitty, Jackie and Hyde stand nearby. 

**Hyde:** At least Fez likes it. 

**Fez:** I have never felt so free! 

**Kitty:** You don't like it? 

**Jackie:** Oh, I like it, it's just that we're getting married in December. Outdoors isn't really a good decision. 

**Hyde:** It would be kinda cool to get married in the snow. 

**Jackie:** I don't want a long sleeved wedding dress. And it might not even snow. 

**Fez:** The wind is in my hair and my cares are nowhere to be seen! 

**Kitty:** Let's let Fez run around a little more before moving on. 

**Hyde:** I have something to pass the time with. 

~

A circle. Focus on Jackie and Hyde, sitting next to each other on the grass. 

**Jackie:** After our wedding, we should do this. 

**Hyde:** Hell yeah. First circle as husband and wife. 

Swivel to Kitty. 

**Kitty:** If you don't tell Red, I won't tell Red. What's going on here doesn't leave the circle. 

Swivel back to Jackie and Hyde. 

**Jackie:** Oh, we won't tell anyone. 

**Hyde:** Why'd you decide to join us, anyway? 

Swivel to Kitty. 

**Kitty:** I wanted to see what it was like. And it feels like I'm floating! But I'm also really hungry. I could go for some spaghetti!

Swivel to Jackie and Hyde. 

**Hyde:** Yeah, or those peanut butter cookies you make. 

Swivel to Kitty. 

**Kitty:** Cookies… Cook-ies… Cook the _cook_ ies! Cook, cook, cookie! 

Swivel to an empty spot. Fez runs over and collapses. 

**Fez:** I heard cookies! Are we getting cookies? Do not tell me I left my freedom and there are no cookies! 

~

Kelso and Brooke sit on the couch. Eric, Donna and Tracy stand by the door. 

**Eric:** We have to go to work, so...

**Donna:** I hope you figure out your feelings! 

**Tracy:** Yeah. Oh, and Brooke… I would climb you if you asked. 

Tracy walks out the door. Donna smiles and follows her. Eric walks out behind Donna. Kelso turns to Brooke. 

**Kelso:** Do you like Tracy? Is that why you broke up with me?

**Brooke:** I broke up with you because we're not a good fit romantically. And you were jealous of another guy. But… I think I might like Tracy. 

**Kelso:** You two would be so hot together. 

**Brooke:** So would you and Fez. 

**Kelso:** Oh we will be. If he likes me back. 

**Brooke:** If he likes you back? So you decided you like him? 

**Kelso:** Yeah, I really like Fez. 

**Brooke:** Cool. Good luck, Michael. 

**Kelso:** Good luck with Tracy. 

Brooke pats Kelso on the shoulder and leaves the apartment.

~

Kitty, Fez, Hyde and Jackie stand in a simplistically elegant function hall. An altar of sorts sits at one end of the room. Wooden benches face the altar. Large windows show the trees behind the altar. 

**Kitty, Jackie and Fez:** Oooooh. 

**Hyde:** Not bad. 

**Jackie:** Not bad? Steven, this is gorgeous! 

**Fez:** It really is gorgeous. I can see it now… Hyde in a tux, Jackie looking sexy as ever in her wedding dress, me and Jackie sneaking off to do it in a closet… 

Hyde punches Fez on the arm. 

**Fez:** Ai! Too far, I know. 

**Kitty:** I just love it! Ooh, ooh, ooh, if it snows, you'd have such a lovely backdrop for pictures! 

**Hyde:** You wanna get hitched here, doll? 

**Jackie:** I'd love to! 

Jackie pecks Hyde on the lips. Kitty starts clapping. 

**Kitty:** Oh this is so exciting! Steven's getting married soon! 

**Hyde:** And a lot sooner than I thought I'd get married. 

**Jackie:** When did you think you were gonna get married? 

**Hyde:** Before you, never. 

**Jackie:** Aww! 

**Fez:** That is beautiful, Hyde. Truly beautiful. You are a poet. 

**Hyde:** You're on thin ice, Fez. 

**Fez:** I know. Unluckily for you, the thin ice is my favorite to skate on. 

**Kitty:** Why? Don't you fall into the water? 

**Fez:** Yes, and then I get to go swimming in winter. 

**Jackie:** You could just go to the pool. 

**Fez:** You can go to the pool in winter? 

**Kitty:** I'm going to go find someone about booking this venue. You two tell Fez about the indoor pool. 

~

Kelso and Red sit at the kitchen table at the Formans', eating from cereal boxes. 

**Kelso:** Why aren't you with Mrs. Forman? 

**Red:** I had to cover Jackie's shift at work. Why are you in my house? 

**Kelso:** I was home alone and without Fez, the apartment seems cold and empty. 

Kelso eats a handful of Fruity Pebbles. 

**Kelso:** We were also out of Fruity Pebbles. 

**Red:** Uh-huh. So how is it living with the foreign kid? 

**Kelso:** It's great. Especially now that I like him. 

**Red:** He's your best friend, why didn't you like him before? 

Kelso stares at Red for a moment, mouth open. 

**Kelso:** Well, the thing is-

At that moment, Kitty, Fez, Hyde and Jackie walk into the kitchen from the living room. 

**Kitty:** We're back! And we've got a wedding venue! 

**Kelso:** Awesome! I… I have to go! 

Kelso runs over to the sliding door, but can't open it. Hyde unlocks it for him, then he runs out the door. 

**Hyde:** Weirdo. 

**Red:** He was eating that sugary cereal before you guys came. 

**Fez:** That explains it. Sugar makes him a little cuckoo. 

**Red:** Right before you came in, Kelso was telling me he just started to like you. I can't for the life of me figure out why he didn't like you before, you're best friends for pete's sake! 

Fez gapes at Red. Jackie, Hyde and Kitty exchange looks. 

**Fez:** I also have to go! 

Fez runs out the sliding door. 

**Hyde:** We should head out, too. We have to… We're gonna go. 

Hyde and Jackie follow Fez out the door. Kitty sits down next to Red. 

**Kitty:** Red, sometimes you're a real dumbass. 

**Red:** What did I do? 

~

Kelso paces in the driveway. Fez runs over to him. 

**Fez:** Mr. Red just said you like me. Is that true? 

**Kelso:** Uhhh… 

Hyde and Jackie join them. Kelso leans close to them and speaks quietly. 

**Kelso:** Should I tell him I like him? 

Jackie smacks the back of his head. 

**Jackie:** Yes, idiot. 

**Hyde:** What she said. 

**Kelso:** All right. Yeah, Fez, I like you. 

**Fez:** Yes! 

Fez does a weird little dance. 

**Kelso:** Fez, stop dancing. Do you like me back? 

**Fez:** Yes! I have been dropping hints for weeks! 

**Kelso:** Aw, man, you know I'm not good at hints! You gotta tell me stuff directly! 

**Fez:** I know, I know. 

Kelso and Fez stare at each other for a moment, then move in and kiss. As their kiss starts to get more heated, Jackie and Hyde step forward. 

**Jackie:** We're still here. 

Kelso and Fez stop kissing. Kelso turns to Jackie. 

**Kelso:** You ruined the moment! 

**Jackie:** You started making out in the driveway! 

Jackie and Kelso stare each other down for a minute. 

**Kelso:** Fine! Come on, Fez, I'll drive ya home. 

Fez and Kelso walk away. Jackie turns to Hyde. 

**Jackie:** Took them long enough to figure it out. 

**Hyde:** Seriously. 

**Jackie:** Good thing it didn't take us that long to figure it out. 

**Hyde:** What are you talking about? It took us like a year. 

**Jackie:** What? I meant making our relationship official after our summer fling. What did you mean? 

**Hyde:** Uhhh… I meant that too. 

**Jackie:** Steven, I know that's a lie. Tell me what you meant or I'll kick you! 

**Hyde:** Jackie, I'm used to you kicking me. 

**Jackie:** Then I'll kick a little higher than your shins. 

Hyde and Jackie stare at each other for a moment. 

**Hyde:** Fine. I meant that I liked you since Veteran's Day and we didn't actually start dating until a year later. 

**Jackie:** Aww, Steven! 

Jackie kisses Hyde. 

~

Eric and Donna sit on their couch. 

**Eric:** You think Kelso'll tell Fez he likes him? 

**Donna:** No. But Fez will probably find out by accident. 

**Eric:** Yeah. It's gonna take them a while to figure things out. 

**Donna:** It took us so long to figure our relationship out. 

**Eric:** You're telling me. We waited over a year to have sex for the first time. 

**Donna:** And it took you eight months to ask me out on an actual date. We can go on like this all night. 

**Eric:** I'd rather not. And, hey, we're married now. 

Donna smiles. 

**Donna:** Yeah, we are, Mr. Pinciotti. 

**Eric:** Still getting used to that. 

**Donna:** Me too. It's really sexy though. 

**Eric:** It is? 

**Donna:** Oh yeah. 

Eric and Donna start making out. 

~

Fez and Kelso stand in their apartment. 

**Fez:** I am really glad Red spilled your secret. 

**Kelso:** Me too, 'cause I probably wouldn't have said anything.

**Fez:** I was not planning on saying anything either. 

**Kelso:** Man, we never would have gotten together if Red hadn't told you. 

**Fez:** Oh, definitely not! 

**Kelso:** Wanna watch Scooby Doo and make out? 

**Fez:** That sounds wonderful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay, they're finally together!!
> 
> if you follow me on Tumblr, you probably already saw this, but I wrote a new intro/theme song for this! find it [here](https://springsteenicious.tumblr.com/post/631248180734033920/thought-id-write-a-new-intro-for-my-season-8)


	15. Episode Fifteen - Revolution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jackie and Donna have a wild night out. The boys spend the day together.

Eric and Donna sit on the couch in their living room. Jackie sits on Hyde's lap in one of the armchairs. Kelso and Fez run in through the door. 

**Kelso:** Guys, guys, Fez had a really weird dream last night! Tell 'em, Fez. 

**Fez:** Okay, okay, so. Eric actually went to Africa. After Hyde found Kelso in Jackie's motel room, he went to Las Vegas and married a stripper! 

**Hyde:** That would never happen. 

**Kelso:** Yeah, that's why it's a _dream_ , Hyde. 

**Fez:** _Anyway_ , Jackie obviously broke up with Hyde. Then Eric broke up with Donna from Africa so Donna started dating this guy named Randy that Hyde hired at Grooves. Since Hyde stayed married to the stripper, Jackie decided to move on. 

**Kelso:** Here comes the weirdest part of the dream. 

**Fez:** Guess who Jackie started dating. Go on, guess. 

**Donna:** Kelso again? 

**Fez:** No! Jackie started dating ME. 

**Jackie:** EW! No offense, Fez. But I would _never_ date you. 

**Fez:** I wouldn't date you either. I have a boyfriend. 

**Kelso:** You have a boyfriend? Are you cheating on him with me? 

**Eric:** Fez, did you know you were dating a moron? 

**Kelso:** I'm helping him cheat on a moron? 

**Fez:** Kelso, _you_ are my boyfriend. Right? 

**Kelso:** Oh. Awesome! 

Kelso puts his arm around Fez's shoulders. 

**Hyde:** If Kelso gets any dumber he's gonna have to start wearing the stupid helmet full-time. 

**Kelso:** I would, but the face shield part would make it hard to kiss Fez. 

Fez stares at Kelso's face for a moment. 

**Fez:** I think we could make it work. 

~ Intro ~

Jackie, Angie and Donna stand in a fancy dress shop. 

**Jackie:** So, Steven and I agreed the color for the bridesmaids' dresses and the groomsmens' ties should be dark blue. Donna, since you're my Maid of Honor, you get to pick the style! 

**Donna:** By 'pick the style' you mean I'll pick out something I like and then you'll pick the complete opposite? 

**Jackie:** Exactly. See, you understand me. 

**Angie:** Why am I here? 

**Jackie:** I want you to be a bridesmaid! Y'know, since we're becoming sisters and all. 

**Angie:** Nice! 

**Jackie:** This is so exciting! I get to spend time with my two future sisters-in-law!

**Donna:** How am I going to be your sister-in-law? 

**Jackie:** Eric and Steven are adoptive brothers and you're married to Eric. Duh. 

**Angie:** I can't wait to finally have sisters, even if they're only in-laws! 

**Donna:** You're gonna love it. Especially when Jackie starts talking about John Travolta in Grease. For four hours. 

**Jackie:** That was one time, Donna! 

~

Eric and Hyde sit on the couch in their living room. Kelso and Fez stand in front of them. Kelso is wearing the stupid helmet. 

**Fez:** I think if you angle your head down, I can get past the face shield. 

Kelso tilts his head down and Fez tries to kiss him through the helmet. 

**Eric:** Kelso tilting his head down didn't work the last four times. Why do you think it's gonna work now? 

**Kelso:** You never know until you try, Eric!

**Hyde:** It's called the stupid helmet for a reason, Forman. 

**Eric:** It's Pinciotti now. 

**Hyde:** It's called the stupid helmet for a reason, Pinciotti. 

**Fez:** You know what? 

Fez lifts up the stupid helmet and kisses Kelso. 

**Eric and Hyde:** Boooooo! 

**Fez:** Why are you booing us? 

**Eric:** You gave up! 

**Kelso:** He's right, Fez, we did give up. Let's keep trying. I think if I tilt my head up and you go in sideways it could work. 

~

Red, Kitty, Bob and Pam sit at the Formans' kitchen table. They each have cards in their hands. Kitty is glaring at Pam. 

**Bob:** I think I can safely say this is the tensest game of gin rummy I've ever played. 

**Red:** I hate to say it, but… I agree with Bob. 

**Bob:** That's the first time you've ever said that. I really wish I'd brought my tape recorder. Then I could hold onto this feeling forever. 

**Red:** You know what else you could hold onto forever? The feeling of my foot in your ass. 

**Bob:** Your foot-in-ass threat doesn't bother me right now. Not when I'm still hanging on to you agreeing with me. 

**Red:** Let go, Bob. 

**Bob:** No. 

**Pam:** Just let it go, Bobby. 

**Kitty:** Be quiet, you floozy, child-ditching, no-good excuse of a mother! 

Kitty storms out of the room. 

**Red:** See what you did, Bob? 

Red follows Kitty out. 

**Bob:** I don't even care that he's mad at me. He agreed with me today. That's a victory. 

~

Jackie sits in a chair outside two dressing rooms. Angie and Donna step out wearing dark blue dresses. 

**Jackie:** Ooh! Angie, you look gorgeous! And Donna…

**Donna:** You like it? 

**Jackie:** No, I hate it. Try on the one I picked out. 

**Donna:** But the one you picked out is all glittery! 

**Angie:** Jackie, why don't you just let Donna get this dress? I think if she wears the glittery one, there's a chance she'll outshine you on your wedding day. 

Jackie gasps. 

**Jackie:** That's impossible. No way will Donna look prettier than me. 

**Angie:** She may not look prettier, but if she's covered in glitter, everyone will be looking at her and not you. 

Jackie lets out a small shriek. 

**Jackie:** Donna, give me the glittery dress, I'm putting it back! 

Donna hands Jackie a glittery blue dress from the dressing room. Jackie runs off with it. 

**Donna:** Nice manipulation. And thanks. 

**Angie:** No problem. 

~

Red and Kitty sit in their bedroom. Kitty has her arms folded and she looks angry. 

**Red:** Why are you so angry at Pam, Kitty? 

**Kitty:** Why am I so angry? Red Forman, you should be angry too! Jackie is your favorite one of Eric's friends, you should feel at least a little anger towards her floozy mother! 

**Red:** You know why I'm not angry? 

**Kitty:** Why? 

**Red:** Because Jackie is a capable young woman that can handle her mother on her own. She doesn't need your righteous anger. Jackie's a smart girl. Hell, just yesterday, she figured out the problem in a car's engine before I did! 

**Kitty:** Really? Just a year ago, she wouldn't go near anything greasy. 

**Red:** I don't understand it either, but I just go with it. 

Kitty laughs. 

**Kitty:** Well, if Jackie can work on cars with you all day, I guess I can stop being angry at her mother. 

**Red:** That's my girl. Let's go kick Bob's ass at bridge, all right? 

**Kitty:** All right. 

~

Kelso, Fez, Eric and Hyde sit around the kitchen table with cards in their hands. 

**Eric:** Don't do it. Don't you dare do it. Come on, Hyde, you're my brother. Brothers don't do this. 

**Hyde:** I'm sorry, man, it's all I got. 

**Fez:** Oh, this is tragic. 

**Kelso:** If Hyde does this, he's gonna lose his best friend. 

**Hyde:** No, I'm not. Quit being so dramatic. 

Hyde puts down a card on the deck. 

**Hyde:** Uno. 

**Eric:** NOOO! 

**Fez:** Ai, he did it! 

**Kelso:** I can't believe you actually gave him that plus four card! 

**Hyde:** You're all sore losers. 

**Eric:** You would be a sore loser too if you were holding fourteen cards. 

**Kelso:** Fez, I would never give you a plus four card. 

**Fez:** That is the most romantic thing I've ever heard. 

**Kelso:** But I would give you a plus two card, so here. 

Kelso puts down a card. 

**Fez:** I have never felt so betrayed. 

~

Jackie, Angie and Donna stand in front of a display of jewelry and hair accessories. 

**Angie:** Ooh, these silver hair clips would go really nice with our dresses. 

**Jackie:** Let me see. 

Angie hands Jackie the clips. 

**Jackie:** Twenty dollars for _these?_ That's not worth it. 

**Donna:** I never thought I'd hear you say something like that. 

**Angie:** I can pay for them if you want. 

**Jackie:** I have a better plan. 

**Donna:** Please tell me it's not shoplifting. 

~

Jackie sits between Angie and Donna in a barred cell at the police department. 

**Donna:** Jackie. You said we wouldn't get caught. 

**Jackie:** I didn't think we would! How was I supposed to know that lady with the hideous wig was watching us? Her wig got in the way of her eyes! 

**Angie:** I can't believe I'm in jail! I've never even had a detention! How am I ever going to succeed with an arrest on my record? 

**Jackie:** Oh calm down, goody-two-shoes. One arrest isn't going to tarnish your perfect record. 

**Angie:** Yes it will! 

Jackie rolls her eyes. A police officer walks up to the cell. 

**Angie:** I didn't do it! You have to let me out, I'm innocent! 

**Police Officer:** No can do, miss. You get one phone call. 

The officer hands Jackie a dime through the bars, then walks away. Jackie stands and walks over to the phone. 

**Donna:** Who are you calling? 

**Jackie:** Steven, duh. 

~

Hyde, Eric, Kelso and Fez sit in the living room. The phone rings. Hyde picks it up. 

**Hyde:** Hello? 

Split screen with Jackie on one side and Hyde on the other. 

**Jackie:** Hey, Steven. 

**Hyde:** Hey, Jackie. What's up? 

**Jackie:** So you know how I went out with Donna and Angie to get bridesmaid dresses today? 

**Hyde:** Yeah… 

**Jackie:** Well, we were in the store, then… We got arrested and we need you to bail us out. 

Hyde grins. 

**Hyde:** You got arrested? 

**Jackie:** Yeah. For theft. Because I tried to shoplift some hair clips. 

**Hyde:** If we weren't already engaged, I'd propose to you right now. 

**Jackie:** I should've gotten myself arrested a year ago! 

**Hyde:** I'll be right there. See you soon, doll. 

**Jackie:** See you soon, baby! 

Hyde hangs up and turns to Eric, Kelso and Fez.

**Hyde:** The girls got arrested, so who wants to go to the police station? 

**Eric:** Donna got arrested? 

**Hyde:** Yeah, 'cause Jackie tried to shoplift. 

Kelso laughs. 

**Kelso:** Hyde's girlfriend got Eric's wife arrested. 

**Hyde:** My _fiance_ got Forman's wife arrested. Now, let's go get them. 

~

Jackie and Donna sit in the cell. Angie paces in front of them. 

**Angie:** Now that I have an arrest on my record, I'll never be able to get a promotion at work. Everyone will judge me on this one mistake! 

**Donna:** Don't you work for your dad? 

**Jackie:** Yeah, if W.B. cared about peoples' arrest records, Steven wouldn't be running his record store. 

**Donna:** That's true. Hyde's been arrested a lot. 

Hyde and Eric walk over to the cell. 

**Hyde:** Man, it feels weird being on this side of the bars. 

**Jackie:** Steven! 

Jackie stands up and rushes over to the bars. 

**Hyde:** So, how much is bail? 

**Jackie:** Ask officer numbskull over there. 

**Hyde:** First you get arrested, now you're badmouthing a police officer? Man, I love you. 

Jackie grins. Hyde walks over to the officer. Eric walks over to Donna on the other side of the cell. 

**Eric:** I can't believe you got arrested. 

**Donna:** Isn't it awesome? 

**Eric:** No. Donna, you're in jail. 

**Donna:** You've been in jail before. 

**Eric:** You're not a dumbass like I am. You got arrested for someone else's crime! 

**Donna:** Yeah, but it was Jackie, so it's fine. 

**Eric:** How does that make it fine? 

**Donna:** She got me arrested, so now she owes me. 

**Eric:** All right, that's awesome. 

**Donna:** Yeah! 

The officer unlocks the cell. 

**Police Officer:** You're free to go, girls. 

Donna leaves the cell and walks over to Eric. Jackie starts walking towards Hyde, but Angie beats her there, wrapping her arms around Hyde, who reacts the same way he used to when Jackie hugged him. (Think the 'why does she always come to me?' scene) 

**Angie:** How are you always in and out of jail? How do you handle being in that cell? 

**Hyde:** Angie, man, calm down. You're gonna be fine. 

Hyde pries Angie off of him. 

**Hyde:** Why don't you go get in the Vista Cruiser? We'll be right out. 

Angie nods and leaves the police station, followed by Eric and Donna. Jackie walks over to Hyde. 

**Jackie:** Thanks for paying our bail, Puddin Pop. 

**Hyde:** Actually, your bail is courtesy of the Grooves cash register. 

**Jackie:** Of course. Well, let's go home. 

**Hyde:** You'll have to tell me everything about your crime. 

Jackie and Hyde walk out of the police station. 

~ 

Red and Kitty sit across from Pam and Bob at the kitchen table. Bob throws his cards down. 

**Bob:** That's the fifth time in a row you beat me! Jeez, Kitty, I had no idea you were this good at bridge. 

**Kitty:** It's a hidden talent. 

**Red:** That's my girl, kicking ass at bridge. 

**Pam:** Well, I'm all set for today. I need to be... not here. 

Pam stands up and leaves. 

**Bob:** Isn't she beautiful? 

~

Fez and Kelso sit on the couch in Jackie, Hyde, Donna and Eric's living room. 

**Kelso:** Man, I can't believe Jackie and Donna got arrested. 

**Fez:** I can. Jackie is marrying Hyde, she was bound to end up a criminal. 

**Kelso:** That's true. Wait. Now that you're with me, are you gonna become dumber? 

**Fez:** You're not that dumb. 

**Kelso:** (gasps) You're already becoming a moron! And we've been only dating for a day! 

**Fez:** I think we'll be fine, Kelso. 

**Kelso:** Oh, now that we're dating, can you call me Michael? 

**Fez:** Why? 

**Kelso:** 'Cause all the girls I've really liked have called me Michael. Jackie, Brooke… that's it. 

**Fez:** Okay, Michael. 

Kelso grins. Then he kisses Fez. The front door opens and Eric, Donna, Jackie and Hyde walk in. 

**Hyde:** Stop making out on my couch! Only people who live here can do that. 

Kelso and Fez break apart. 

**Kelso:** Fine! Fez, let's go make out on our couch at home! 

**Fez:** Sounds good, Michael. 

**Jackie, Donna, Hyde and Eric:** Michael? 

**Kelso:** Yeah, we're dating, so I told him to start calling me Michael. 

Kelso and Fez stand up and walk out the door. 

**Jackie:** Okay, now I can never call Kelso Michael ever again. 

**Hyde:** No, definitely not. Anyway, you wanna tell me all about your attempt at theft? 

**Jackie:** Yeah! 

Jackie and Hyde go upstairs. Eric turns to Donna. 

**Eric:** So, what would you like to do, my lovely wife? 

**Donna:** I wanna go get something to eat. Jackie decided to become a criminal before we had lunch. 

**Eric:** To my parents' house, then. 

Eric and Donna walk out the door. 

~

Eric and Donna sit at the kitchen table with Red and Kitty, eating lunch. 

**Red:** Even when they're married and have their own house, they still end up here for lunch. 

**Eric:** Hyde wasn't available to cook, so… We're here. 

**Kitty:** Do you really make Steven do all your cooking? Eric, honey, that's not very nice. 

**Donna:** I cook sometimes. But Eric doesn't like my cooking. 

**Red:** You don't like your own wife's cooking?

**Eric:** No, I like it! Most of the time! Besides, Hyde said he was gonna teach Jackie how to cook. 

Kitty laughs hysterically. 

**Kitty:** Jackie can't cook. 

**Eric:** Yeah, that's why Hyde's teaching her. 

**Red:** Believe me, Eric, that girl knows her way around a car, but she couldn't cook to save her life. Anything you eat that she makes will be burnt black. 

~

Hyde and Jackie sit on the bed in their room. 

**Hyde:** See, your problem is that you didn't check to see if people were looking. Always have to check for witnesses. 

**Jackie:** I know that! I couldn't tell the lady was watching me! And you wanna know the worst part? 

**Hyde:** What? 

**Jackie:** We didn't even get the hair clips! Luckily, we got the dresses, because they were at a different store, but what are Donna and Angie gonna put in their hair? 

**Hyde:** Does it matter? 

**Jackie:** Uh, yeah. Everything needs to be perfect for our wedding!

**Hyde:** No, it doesn't. All that matters is that we get married. That's the whole reason we're having a wedding. 

**Jackie:** Yeah, you're right. I've just dreamed of my wedding for so long, you know? I want it to be nice. 

**Hyde:** It will be. Now, tell me more about when you were in jail. 

**Jackie:** You know that guy that dresses up as the dog at Funland? He was in the next cell over. 

~

Fez stands in his kitchen, looking through the cabinets. 

**Fez:** Michael! 

Kelso crashes into the kitchen like an eager puppy. 

**Kelso:** Yeah, Fez? What do you need me to do? 

Fez stares at him for a moment. 

**Fez:** I just… wanted to tell you we're out of Fruity Pebbles. 

**Kelso:** Oh. Okay. I'll buy more when I go shopping. 

Fez and Kelso stare at each other for a moment, then move in and start making out.

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr is springsteenicious, follow for updates! 
> 
> feel free to let me know how my characterization is, what you think of my storylines, constructive criticism, or things you'd like to see in future episodes/chapters! just please be polite, thank you.


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